From the Driver's Seat

Excrement for Brains

2012-01-22T13:58:00.007+01:00

You don't want to be facing a situation like this!

It has been said that there is no thrill like having been shot at, and missed. I know that feeling, and more. January 19th, 2012 at 7:15pm was the date and time when my wife and I cheated death. We did this by having cultivated a habit over many years that finally saved the day for us.

As is my custom, when driving I tend to take notice of passages of roadways that seem to be innocent enough, but I see things that perhaps others don't, and I ask the question, "What if?" What if someone else did something they should not do, how can I best defend myself. This is the basics of defensive driving. For instance, if you crest a hill and over the other side there is an entrance to the main road, if a truck with a very long trailer is pulling across the road, he will take ten seconds to clear my lane. I need to be travelling slow enough to give him the time to do that. If I know the entrance road is there then I must assume that the truck will also be there. That is driving with anticipation.

In the incident I am referring to, I was passing through a passage of roadway that took us down into a deep valley, and at the bottom I cannot see whether there is any traffic coming towards me. The road is only a two-lane ribbon with two-way flow of traffic. As we rise up the other side we only see traffic coming towards us at the last minute.

My question was what do I do if there is a car coming towards me on my side. For seven years I have been treating that piece of road by positioning my car to the extreme right, with my rightside wheels along the white line marker that signifies the exterior of the road. That is where we were at 7:15pm on January 19th, when I saw a car coming straight towards us headed for a full-on crash that would have killed us and the other driver. This man, and it was a man with excrement where his brains should be, because no woman would be so stupid, was overtaking another car, but that driver was evidently so horrified by what the man was doing that he moved as far to the right as he could, and between he and myself, we made a hole for the moron to squeeze through. He was so close that we felt his force field rock our car.

It's a strange feeling to have cheated death. At first I felt numb, not fully understanding the significance of the moment. The next day, when I awoke I just lay still and looked at the ceiling in amazement, because that was a day I was not supposed to see. My taste of Life is different somehow. My routines that had become jaded and blasé suddenly had colour.

Where I might have slept through things, I now have a new lease on life, but everyday I ask the same question: "Now What?"

There are a lot of really stupid people who should not be behind the wheel of a car. Eventually they end up killing themselves, but not without taking innocent people with them. It's a shame it has to be that way.

Copyright (c) 2012 Eugene Carmichael

Better Watch Out!

2012-01-15T17:07:00.006+01:00

Give us your money or your car!

We sang this song as little children as Christmas approached: "Better watch out, better not cry, better be good I'm telling you why, Santa Clause is coming to town." That was fine then, but we're all grown up now, and while it's still O.K. to sing the refrain we need to substitute that it's the police who are coming to town and they are stepping up their efforts to extract money from you and me as drivers. Every town's coffers are dry. We, here in Spain have sailed through periods of spend, spend, spend, and now the chickens are coming home to roost.

Who, and where else is fast money to come from other than the soft targets that we drivers make. We could cooperate and continue to do things as we have always done, and pour money into the modern highwayman's bags, that are the police, or we can make life difficult by sticking to the rules and being obediant. That just sticks in my throat saying that, but frankly I don't have the money to bail out the town hall, I can hardly pay the bills I am already saddled with.

What are they picking on? Speeding, of course. Parking the wrong way along two way streets. Double parking; not fully coming to a stop, where required; parking in spaces maked "Vacio siempre; parking along streets that are designated no parking at any time, even although the signs have long faded; over staying the allotted time for parking. Driving your car beyond the date designated for renewal of the ITV examination. Not having insurance is a true no-no; and if you are still driving a foreign plated car that should have been re-matriculated for Spanish plates, your time is up. They will simply take the whole car.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed, so they say, so I hope you will take this seriously. The one thing I have learnt is that the local police will not enjoy taking these steps against their neighbours. The other guys, I'm not so sure.

Copyright (c) 2012 Eugene Carmichael

Bittersweet News to start the Year

2012-01-08T14:09:00.004+01:00

Driving as it should be done

My joy in seeing the news that the number of deaths on Spanish roads has declined again is tempered only by the fact that while 250 fewer people died during 2011 than the previous year, there were still far too many people whose lives ended needlessly in 2011.

Up until the introduction of the points system, deaths on the road were out of control. It was obvious that as drivers we held the key in our hands to stop the madness, but people were unimpressed. It was always something likely to happen to others because "although I drive fast," so the saying went, "I drive with security." Not so! At the height of the madness the death toll was over 7,000 in a single year. Figures did drop slowly as we went through the years, perhaps because the more irresponsible killed themselves, but then the points system came in and drivers came to realize that if they accumulated sufficient points they would lose their license, and because you have to go through a process of earning your license back from scratch, that means that you would likely never drive again.

Driving while under the influence of alcohol or drugs became something to be avoided like the plague. Well, of course. The DGT has been saying that all along. Driving within the speed limit means a better likelihood that you will be in control of your car. Of course! Too much speed is almost always part of the cause of car crashes.

Every year since points appeared the death toll has steadily dropped. In 2010, 1729 lost their lives. During 2011, 250 families were spared the draining experience of having to go to the cemetry to bury a family member. This year we lost 1,479 people, a figure that has not been this low for 50 years. However, that only tells part of the story because the intensity of traffic over 50 years has grown by massive proportions, and driving in today's traffic is nothing like it was all those years ago.

The very automobiles that we drive are superbly crafted machines, and the roads along which we travel are ribbons of smooth asphalt. As drivers we really don't have any excuses to rely on. We have to drive unimpeded by drink or drugs, or lack of rest, and we must pay strict attention to what we are doing. When we take the controls of our driving machine we are no longer in our living rooms, we are in control of our lives and the lives of others, and we must be responsible.

That is an awesome responsibility, but the fact that more of us are recognising it is reason for hope. I feel certain that we can conduct ourselves to see the day when the figure drops below 1000. We can do it. Yes! We can! Meanwhile, Congratulations to us all for our positive contribution.

Copyright (c) 2012 Eugene Carmichael

A Sad note to end 2011

2012-01-01T13:20:00.007+01:00

This is not a picture of the actual car involved in this story, but gives a very good idea of its condition

This is an obvious statement, but I will make it anyway: Life, giving animation and thoughts and actions, is a very wonderful but fragile thing. On second we can have it, the next it could be gone.

What makes me think that is an incident that happened on December 29, 2011.

A Morrocan man was driving his family along the A-35 in the direction towards Valencia in the early hours of the day. In the people carrier there were nine people, all of one family. As they were passing Moixent something happened that has changed the man's life in ways that we cannot even begin to imagine. Evidently he allowed himself to become distracted and what followed next has us all shaking our heads in disbelief.

Before I explain, let's refer to the rules for driving:

Rule number one: There is an attitude for our living rooms and an attitude for when we are driving our cars. They should never be confused or mixed.

Rules two to ten: Be sober and concentrate!

Back to the story:

The time was about 6am when the people carrier was following a road train consisting of the truck that was hauling two containers. The driver of the people carrier became distracted just at the time that he put his foot down to overtake the vehicle ahead, but instead of moving clearly to the other lane he drove straight into the rear left end of the container. In doing so the van made no impression on the trailer, but the trailer acted like a buzz saw slicing through the van, instantly killing the man's wife, aged 35, and sitting behind her another woman, aged 39 was actually thrown out of the car and killed. Everyone else in the car was injured, and the car itself became hooked onto the trailer and dragged for half a kilometre.

My wife and I passed the site at about 11am, travelling in the opposite direction. The truck with its trailers was still there. The driver was getting out of the cab, presumably having retrieved something for the police. There was a massive police presence, and lying next to the van were two bodies covered by drop sheets. There were no ambulances in situ at that time, presumably all the injured had been transported to hospital. That was all that we could see before having passed on by.

My impression was that the driver of the truck with trailers had stopped to give assistance, and that the ambulance had not yet arrived. However, the crash had happened about four hours previously and the scene was still in progress of being sorted out. It is always upsetting to pass a site where there has been a crash and to see bodies spread out on the ground.

The rest of the people in the carhad to be cut free in an operation that took 50minutes. Included in the injured was a 13-year old boy whose injuries were the worst and had to have an operation to correct a broken leg, among other problems. The person who suffered the least injuries was the driver.

The driver will have a lot of explaining to do, and he will have a tough time convincing the authorities that he didn't deliberately drive into the road train. As I've stated, it's a very sad note to end the year on.

Copyright (c) 2012 Eugene Carmichael

MERRY CHRISTMAS! If you can.

2011-12-25T13:29:00.004+01:00

Christmas Day, 2011

Here in Spain we have awakened to a simply lovely Christmas day. We are having our traditional Christmas Day high where the sun is out in all its glory, the wind is nil, there are no clouds in the sky, and all is right with the world.

If you have to go anywhere today, please drive carefully. On this day we are celebrating a birthday and most people are having a wonderful and very fragile experience.

So this is just to wish each and everyone, together with your families a truly glorious day. Let nothing spoil the mood, and the world over should be free from tragedies of any kind.

Merry Christmas to All!

Copyright (c) 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Christmas is a Terrible Time to Die!

2011-12-18T12:48:00.005+01:00

Do you believe in Santa Claus?

If you, as a rational and wise person had complete control of your life, would you choose to die in the midst of Christmas, or Hanakah, or Kwanza celebrations?

I think the answer would be, "Certainly not!" These holiday times are for spreading peace, love, happiness and goodwill throughout the world. The same is the case for other religious celebrations and for things such as the American Thanksgiving Day, National holidays, family birthdays, family vacations, and all other times during the year that are intended for relaxing and having a good time. I don't think you would deliberatly make your family miserable during those times.

Consider the merits of the time to pay your taxes. Would that work for you?

There will be people who will get in or on their means of transportation this end of year celebrations, and they will leave their intelligence and responsibility behind and go and kill themselves and other people as well. I have never understood such insanity. The best I can do is attribute such actions to a very high level of stupidity. If a person is that stupid he should be consigned to walking as he will be manifestly too irresponsible to be in charge of something like a car.

For these coming celebrations when we are going to and fro to visit friends and family, and to dine in restaurants, one person must assume the role of designated driver, and he, or she must assume the responsibility of ensuring that the family will survive the holidays safely. That is a very serious task. The police cannot do this for us, we are in charge of this part of our destiny.

So, from me to you, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanakuh, Happy Kwanza, Happy Holidays!

May the New Year give you and your family the golden gift of Good Health and Good Cheer!

Copyright (c) 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Car for Car the Most expensive crash in History

2011-12-11T15:28:00.007+01:00

A Tsunami of Ferraris

I look at these pictures and I make a face like sucking lemons

I'm sure everyone reacted as I did when I heard of the crash in Japan of all those top flight cars. Involuntarily I went "WoW!" Followed by, "Oh my God!" The pictures were even more heartbreaking. To see eight Ferraris, three Mercedes a Lambourgini, a Nissan Skyline Gt-R, and a Toyoto Prius in such a state almost made my knees buckle. From my point of view I was seeing the incident as the worst nightmare of any and all aficianados from any club.

Imagine this: every person who has a top flight car or motorcycle will treasure it and treat it like nothing else. In my current case I have a black shiny Jaguar Sovereign that is sitting in my garage, under a cover. There was a time when I had a GoldWing motorcycle. I know of people who only bring their Goldwings, or Harleys outside if the sun is shining. Otherwise, they are parked in the house, under cover.

Once in a while we get together and go for a run. The mood is happy. We get all dressed up in our special gear, we spend even more time in polishing our motor, and we go off in strictly disciplined regimen. We observe all traffic laws; sometimes we even have police escorts. It's a day out, a time to be seen and for good camarderie. The absolutely worst thing that could happen is to have a crash that destroyed fourteen vehicles.

There was one time when I was on a run with the Essex GoldWing Club. We were over 250 bikes and riding under police supervision. As my section was passing one of the exits a car came out fulling expecting to merge. At the last moment, before he would have ploughed into us he came to a screeching halt. He missed me by inches.

In the crash in Japan ten of the drivers were taken to hospital, not, I suspect because they were hurt, but when the gravity of what had happened finally sunk in, it was better that they were in the hospital to have their heart attacks.

I know ladies, you are all shaking your heads and wondering out loud about Men! It's a guy thing and I know, we're so silly at times, but then, we're just guys.

A Rock in the Road

2011-12-04T12:31:00.006+01:00

I was driving along a two lane road, heading uphill just after the sun had set. Up ahead I could see that a car had pulled off to the side at an angle with part of the vehicle still in our lane. Cars ahead of me were pulling around him, but they seemed to be going well out of their way. I found out to my surprise why that was. There was a huge boulder sitting in the middle of the lane, and I was headed straight for it. I swerved violently to the left, striking the tapered end of it, and my car flew up in the air, causing a little damage to my undercarriage.

The car behind me saw what had happened and stopped in front of the stone and presumably secured the situation until the police arrived. That is what I would have done had I seen the rock in time. All this because some idiot trucker was proceeding along with an unsafe load. A motorcyclist would have been killed had he run into that rock.

That got me to thinking about being surprised by things in the road that we are not expecting. I wondered how often this sort of thing might happen, and perhaps there might be a website dedicated to these events. I found http://www.truckspills.com/. I also got far more than I expected.

There were sixty-three entries, and basically, anything that you can imagine that is carried by road, has ended up in the road. In my mind the most horryfying was a load of alligators that were thrown into the road because the truck crashed. As you can see from the above picture, how would you like to have been confronted by the image of several alligators facing you. On the light side, they were already dead and frozen.

A happy and exciting situation to suddenly drive into was the siht of bags of money lying all over the place, and people engaged in a free for all trying to scoop it all up. Or, there were all those scratch and claim lottery tickets flying about in the wind after the truck carrying them caught fire.

We know that something strange is happening in the Bee world that is causing a shortage of bees. That is making it necessary to transport bees from one location to another, and in two accidents twelve, and fourteen million bees were released onto the highway. That's a lot of very pissed off bees.

In Colombia, South America a truck rolled over on its side, spilling cocaine that had been nicely wrapped and stored in its side and roof. The report said that the driver was not injured, but we can bet he was still killed.

Beer, fruit, animals, both live and dead, molasses, vodka, a Tomahawk Missile, a massive ship engine that fell off the truck onto cars, and sunk into the road; and perhaps most peculiar of all, a modular house that was being carried on a flatbed, tipped over backwards on an uphill area that had the driver staring straight up into the sky.

What a fascinating visit that was to http://www.truckspills.com/ that was for me, and a wake up call to never let my guard down. Next time when something up ahead is happening that I am unable to be absolutely certain about, I will slow down.

You never know what it might be. It could turn out to be something that just sucks the breath out of you.

Driving Blind

2011-11-27T18:46:00.005+01:00

Traffic! Who needs it?

Having driven for close to 55 years I finally had my worst nightmare behind the wheel. I was caught in a torrential rainstorm in the city, in a traffic jam, at night, in conditions in which I just could not see where I was in the street. My car windows continually fogged up, and I could not pull over to the side, where ever that was, to stop.

My airconditioning system would only work on hot, so I made steam in the car, and I had an idea that there was traffic behind me only because their lights blinded me. At one point, we were on a roundabout with apparently a bus, or something to my right, signified only by a tiny yellow light, and to my left some clown in a car was pushing me towards the bus/something. Choose: would I rather hit the bus/something or the car? I chose the car. In the event I struck neither, but that was a bit of luck.

The rain was driving down relentlessly, I was wipìng the front windscreen constantly, and that gave me a little bit of vision out the front, and I continued forward on instinct. Finally I got a brilliant idea. Open the bloody windows! Sure the rain came in, but the cloud in the windows lifted and I could actually see to the side and forward, and even behind. Wonderful!

I eventually got to my destination safely, but exhausted and a bit wet. I had to contemplate the return journey which was more than a terrible thought, but when the time came it had stopped raining. That I survived that experience without a scratch means that there is someone watching over me who has my very best interests at heart. Thank you Guardian Angel!

It has stopped raining for about five days and the car seats are still a little squishy, but the car will survive, and I might add it will be a little cleaner because after all, it was only water. Its a Volvo and that's one tough car. It's the nightmares that are slow to go away. I cannot understand why the situation in my dreams has to be so much worse than in reality.

On the bright side, I must be one hell of a driver to drive on instincts without even touching anything. I consider that a very good testament. I wonder if I can put that on my driving CV?

Copyright (c) 2011 Eugene Caramichael

Multiple Vehicle Pile-ups!

2011-11-20T14:41:00.006+01:00

A Tsunami of Ignorance

Every now and then we read about road crashes involving some insane number of vehicles, some involving less than a hundred, but sometimes more than a hundred are involved. I think China holds the record for some shocking number that came to a sticky end.

I was trying to imagine what it must be like to be in the midst of all of that sort of thing. I have no doubt that there are some of you who have been a victim, so you will be the experts. I have been very lucky so far, plus I think my style of driving might have saved me from the experience.

These events seem to grow out of very dangerous driving weather situations. I have found myself in such situations, particularly in Canada. The one thing that seems to be at work that contributes to massive wrecks is sheer stupidity. If we are driving in exceptionally heavy rain or fog, or blizzard conditions, common sense demands that we slow down, and stop along the side of the road if we have to.

Well no! These conditions tends to bring out every imbecile on the planet. None of us can see the road ahead, so what the hell are the drivers doing who pass you by going at top speed as though it's a sunny day. Of course they are kamikazes looking for a place to crash. The first time I found myself in a snow blizzard I was in Canada on my way to the airport to catch a plane.Other drivers scared me so much that the first motel I could see I pulled into their parking lot and went to bed. I lived to catch the plane another day.

To run into vehicles ahead that have crashed into one another, then to have other vehicles crash into my car, and to hear the bedlam go on and on, locking me into a big scrap heap of metal and injured bodies for hours and hours is my idea of a living hell. There will be as many stories as there are people who survive to tell them, but the fact is that these events are traceable to sheer human stupidity. If I had the power, when I see people being so irresponsible I would incapacitate them so they could no longer pose a threat to other humans.

Sometimes, my fellow human beings tax my patience to the limit!

Copyright (c) 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Careful on the Roundabout

2011-11-13T16:11:00.004+01:00

IT'S A DANGEROUS WORLD OUT THERE!

The Roundabout would be one of the truly great inventions if only us people who use them had the slightest idea of what we were doing. It has always been my practise to use my indicators to signal my intention. Lately I have become lazy and over confident, and sure enough a person on my left decided he wanted to go right, and tried to do so. That brought him and I within a very close distance apart, as I was going left.

The problem with Spanish roads is that lane discipline is lacking. Drivers here have never heard of the term in any language, so it is not uncommon for some airhead in the extreme left lane to decide that he wants to go right, and he actually thinks there will be nothing wrong with cutting across several lanes to do so.

When we, as drivers decide to do something stupid we pull out all the stops. Our actions will turn out to be jaw droppingly stupid, in the same manner as standing in front of a raging bull.

Welcome to Spain!

When next using a Roundabout, remember lane discipline, and indicate where you intend to go; and keep a keen eye for all those idiots who are out to get you.

Copyright (c) 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Moto GP Madness

2011-11-06T16:32:00.004+01:00

Bikers on the Move

If its the first weekend in November it must be Moto GP time in Valencia. People converge from, quite literally, all over the world for this event. Naturally the racing track of Ricardo Torno de Cheste features front and centre, and what takes place there is religious worship. The very small town of Cheste goes from being a little village to more than 200,000 people.

I live next door in the pueblo of Pedralba. I have owned motorcycles all of my life, so naturally people think I'm a petrolhead. The gathering of so many bikes and people is electric, but the fact is that I do not attend the races. Any activity where people are almost certain to become seriously injured because the danger level is ultra-high, I do not consider entertainment.

I have watched the bikes going round the track at speeds that are breathtaking, and the riders have to lay the bike down so low I can't understand why the bike just doesn't simply fall to the ground. From time to time riders and bikes do part company, and in most cases the guys get up and walk away. However, we know that the sport is incredibly dangerous because a few unlucky guys make the point through very serious injury, and even death.

The weather is beastly for this year's event, which in a way demonstrates the mood. At the forefront of everyone's thinking will be No. 58, Marco Simoncelli, who as we all know lost his life in a recent race. The Cheste event will be a homage to him, but life, and the races will go on, as it does. We can only hope that there will be fewer casualities in the future.

For me. the loss of this young man's life is my worst expectation and the reason I stay away from such races. But, that's just me. I don't expect to change anything.

Copyright (c) 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Raising the Speed Limit.

2011-10-30T13:31:00.005+01:00

The Demon of Speed

Britain's Transport Secretary is proposing raising the speed limit of the motorways of England and Wales. His argument is that to do so will speed up productivity and bring the U.K. into line with other countries in Europe. The motorway limit is currently 70 mph. He wants to take it up to 80. He admits that he is aware that most people ignore the 70 limit to drive faster, so if that's the case leave things as they are, because you can be certain that if the limit is moved higher drivers will ignore that and drive even faster.

He cites the fact that car manufacturers are making ever more safer cars that can better handle the higher speeds, but what about the drivers. The U.K. death rate has steadily fallen by 75% as things currently are. These are not just statistics, these are more people surviving the driving experience. That translates into more families intact and fewer cases of human misery. That is a very good thing. Why then would anyone propose measures that might interfere with such good news?

An excess of speed is almost always present in tragedies. Consider the fact that a child, when struck by a car travelling at 40mph almost always dies. A child struck by a car at 20 mph almost always lives.

There is also the psycological aspect against raising the limit. At present when entering the motorway you don't have the sense that I have to get way up to speed really fast because the traffic is coming at blinding speed. But, here in Spain, where the limit is 75 mph (120 kph) you know that everybody is bearing down on you at incredibly fast speeds of 90 to 100 mph, and you have to put the foot down. Even drivers here are realising that is much too fast and the trend is for drivers to slow down to less than the limit.

Limits in the U.K. are presently 30 mph in built-up areas; 60 on single lane roads; 70 on dual carriage and motorways.

Mr. Transport Secretary, for God's sake, leave well enough alone!

W-T-F!!!

2011-10-17T17:51:00.006+01:00

The white van approaches and can clearly see the child in the middle of the street

On Monday, October 17th, 2011, CNN introduced a video that was shot in China. The station were appalled by what had happened. Maybe you will be too:

A two-year old girl, a child, was walking in an alleyway on her own when a white van came along and knocked her down. She had wandered away from her parents who were both working. The driver was aware what had happened and stopped immediately. He apparently looked and saw that the girl was laying between his right front wheel and the back wheel on the ground. She was bleeding and in a lot of pain. He realised that he had run over her with the front wheel. Without doing anything else he promptly drove over her with the rear wheel and drove off.

What kind of callous bastard was this despicable person?

The story does not end there.

The child lay on the ground for ten minutes while EIGHTEEN people walked over her, around her, cycled past and not a soul did anything to help her. Another larger truck came along and drove over her leg, as though she was an animal that was road kill. Finally a middle aged person came along and organised help. (I saw the entire tape on Spanish TV.)

CNN could not understand the thinking of any of the people who passed this child by, so they interviewed a psycologist to try and understand what we had seen. He was worse than no help to us at all because, although he agreed that people did not respond as we would have expected them, he was quick to urge us not to be judgemental because "we could not know what was going through their minds at the time."

I don't have to know, although we can be certain it was not one humanity-like thought of kindness or responsibility toward their fellow humans. World-wide, throughout human society there is what is right, and what is wrong. In this case there were no gray areas. This was a child who was gravely hurt and for far too long, not one person stopped to assist.

Now, before we rush to a conclusion that indictes Chinese culture, and before we go on about how low in esteem little girls are there, let's take a moment to note that in London and in New York people have been robbed, knifed, shot, and they have lay on the sidewalk with people also stepping over them. In fact, so many people live on the sidewalk that it is such a common sight that they are seen and not seen.

Would I have responded as a proper human being had I been there, either as the driver or as a person on the street? I can't see any other answer than that of course I would have acted to get the child to hospital as quickly as possible, together with her parents.

To do nothing, especially as we are talking about a child in distress, is so out of the question for me that I can't even begin to understand how another person could be so stone cold.

Later in the week the child succumbed to her overwhelming injuries and died.

I have a wish for each and every one of the eighteen persons who passed her by without helping: May your turn come soon to feel what the little girl felt. And may you die a thousand deaths before the world is finally rid of you!

Bastards!

Some thoughts on Travelling

2011-10-13T10:01:00.004+01:00

Laughter. Better than medicine

I was reading some Quotes by people on travelling that you may find amusing:

Phyllis Diller, Comedian, said that she can't imagine why anyone would give her a driving licence. She got two tickets for offences on her written test.

A man walks into a bar in Ireland and asks the barman what's the quickest way to get to Dublin.

The barman says, "Are you walking or driving?" I´m driving, says the man. Well, replied the barman, that's the quickest way.

Bumper sticker seen on a car: "Mother-in-Law in boot."

Rodney Dangerfield said that his wife had her driving test recently. She got 8 out of ten. The other two guys jumped clear.

Henny Youngman said that his wife called to say the car wouldn't start because it had water in the carburettor. How do you know that?

She said, "The car's in the lake."

Denis Norden was given a parking ticket. He asked the policeman what do I do with this? The policeman said, "Keep it. If you manage to collect three of them you get a bicycle."

Mark Twain said that you should get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you survive.

I was asked if I wanted to be upgraded to Business Class on the airplane. I asked, "Will I have to play golf?"

Talk about bad luck. Roger Miller had an uncle who was afraid to fly, so he took the train. A plane fell on it.

Life's funny. Don't forget to notice and laugh.

Drunk, or on Drugs, or Stupid

2011-10-08T15:14:00.004+01:00

Drunk, or on Drugs, or Plain stupid, but probably all of the above.

While driving along a two-lane country road, a grey Opal, number 4585 plus three letters came up behind me as we were travelling through a slow zone. but the minute the driver could do so he overtook me, tooting his horn in a manner that seemed to me that he was berating me.

I then noticed that he was driving in an erratic manner while doing about 80 kph. Next he caught up with a cyclist in a no-overtaking zone. He slowed right down behind the cyclist and engaged his hazard lights, and generally acted like a responsible driver. By this time I had caught up with him, and as soon as it was safe to overtake he did so, and I followed suit.

We were again doing 80 kph when I noticed he started to do very strange things behind the wheel. He was flailing his arms about, causing the car to swerve back and forwards across the road because he was not controlling the steering wheel. He was alone in the car, but I don't know if he was talking on a hands-free telephone. I decided to drop well back as not to be too close in the event he was about to crash.

He then seemed to notice that I had dropped back, at which time he applied his hazard lights again and slowed down to walking speed. As I came closer he sped up then dropped his speed, and I took those actions to be a provocation to me. I'm sure had I tried to overtake him he would have made that impossible.

I therefore pulled off the road and watched him go ahead at a snail's pace. I waited until other traffic came along. Fortunately it was a long line of cars and they started honking their horns which resulted in him speeding up and then he was gone.

This was at noonday, so what could have been his excuse for being on the road at that time in a condition that was inappropriate, other than he was drunk, on drugs or stupid? In my opinion he most likely was all three of those things combined.

One of the reasons for such an unacceptable high death rate on Spanish roads are drivers just like the one highlighted here.

Summer's Over 2011

2011-10-02T12:44:00.004+01:00

Summer Driving

We have had a lovely Summer this year, here in Spain, in so far as the weather is concerned, but as we come to the end of the period we are left asking how did we do on the road?

The short answer is that we did better than last year. Road traffic deaths in Spain have declined from a high of about 7,500 many years ago, to the present annual level that we can only hope will be well under 2000 by the end of this year.

A person could be excused for thinking that we are talking about a war report. we are only talking about what happened when people went to the supermarket or on holiday. Spain is a far cry from Afganistan or Iraq. When we apply for our driving licenses we are not entering into a contract to commit suicide, but that is what happens so often. Granted that the mix of testosterone and gasoline is volatile, but add a pinch of common sense and it can be controlled.

It has been reported that 321 fewer people lost their lives overall on the roads during Summer driving, and that is very welcome news. Why people choose to kill themselves and others during holiday times is quite beyond me. It doesn't have to be that way. However, as a group drivers on Spanish roads are becoming more responsible because as the death toll shrinks the number of drivers has massively increased from about 1.5 million to the present 30 million.

We have become a lot more responsible, particularly in the area of not driving when intoxicated and this is being reflected in decreases year after year. Simple things like an agreement between my wife and myself before attending a party as to who will drive home make all the difference. That person is the designated driver, and the other is the designated drinker.

We will live to enjoy another day, so that seems very fair to me.

The Tragedy of Tragedies

2011-09-18T14:26:00.002+01:00

The Tragedy of Tragedies-Too sad for words.

Recently a car left the road at very high speed and rolled several times and plunged down an embankment, killing two occupants, and injuring for life the third. Those people were on their way home having spent the night at a bar. It is probably fair to assume that alcohol played a major role in the loss of control, added to perhaps sleepiness as well.

I want to be sensitive in what I am going to say about this crash, because the driver of the car and one of the female passengers were brother and sister. They were killed.

The only good thing that can be said is that no other member of the public was injured or killed outside of those in the car.

Not one parent needs prompting to think about what it must be like to be the parents of those two lost souls. Your children go out for the evening together for a night of entertainment, and later the police, come knocking at your door to tell you that both of them are dead awakens you. That they died under circumstances that were entirely avoidable only makes it worse.

I am angry as hell that the driver of that car caused such a result, and I am angry that he placed other members of the public in danger owing to his irresponsibility. They have personally paid the ultimate price, and I know that they are not the only people to have behaved in such a manner, but that is precisely the point of this essay. I appeal to other drivers to take note.

If you drink alcohol or take drugs and drive, especially while you are sleepy you cannot later claim that the results of your actions are unintended consequences. It will not be enough to stand with a long face and say that you are sorry, because it is a fact that you are both a very sorry and pathetic cretin. I was young once, and with the Grace of God I never harmed anyone through acting so foolishly, but I have to take a strong stand to point out that each of us are responsible for our own actions. No-one else can take the blame.

So, once again, when you go out for the evening and there is a car involved, someone has to be the designated driver. That person abstains absolutely from drinking or taking anything that will impair his judgement.

Period !!!!!!!!

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Dumb and his Sister Dumber

2011-09-11T14:34:00.001+01:00

Dumb and his Sister Dumber -Too much of the Wacky Weed!

You just can’t make up a story like this. It has to be true.

The local Spanish newspaper, Levante, reported the following:

A local policeman on patrol on his motorcycle, noticed a fairly large van parked in a place in the city centre that was clearly marked “No Parking.” Because the vehicle was so large it was causing difficulties for passing traffic. The patrolman stopped to see whose van it was, and he took a look in the back window panel, and practically had a heart attack. The van was completely full of marijuana plants. He called for backup!

While several policemen milled around the van, a man and a woman came walking out of a bar where they had stopped to have a coffee. “Hey, fellas, what’s all the fuss?”

“You have parked your van in a no-parking zone and it is causing great difficulties.”

“Oh! Sorry about that!” said Dumb.

“But your van is completely full of marijuana plants, from what we can see,” said the officer.

Dumber piped up: “Oh, those are for our own use.”

“A whole freaking van full!!!!!! Madre Mia!

The police have confiscated the van and the Mary Jane, and they are thinking about it. Dumb and Dumber may actually get their drugs and van back. They will have to pay a fine for illegal parking.

Only in España!

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Tomatina 2011

2011-09-04T13:46:00.004+01:00

Tomatina Ketchup 2011

The Spanish town of Buñol has successfully held another of its crazy events that fascinates people from around the world. The most amazing thing about this is that to the best of my knowledge there has never been a death arising from the madness.

I am writing this as a motoring topic because it takes place in one street that is only about four short blocks long, and it is a single one way lane that is barely wide enough for a large truck to pass through.

Add to that, about forty thousand people crowd into the street and get totally out of their minds, but not necessarily on alcohol. The reason we say that there are about forty thousand people is because this is the maximum number of people that can squeeze into the area.

As a lead-in to the arrival of the tomatoes the crowd gets hosed down with water to avoid heat stroke. Then the most dangerous thing takes place as the most massive trucks arrive filled to the top with tomatoes. This year has been a very good year for the tomato crops, being very large and sweet and juicy, that you might mistake them for fruit.

The truck enters the street at the far end, led by guides on foot, and it has to make its way down the entire length of the road that is so full of people that for individuals to move out of the way is very difficult as there is no place to go. The lower sides of the trucks are boarded up so as to make it difficult for people to fall under the wheels. However, when the tomatoes start flying the street becomes a slush of ketchup that make it almost impossible to stand up.

To make matters worse the truck will tip out the last half of its contents, people and all, and while this is all done in slow motion the danger level in the minds of health and safety people is off the scale. This routine is repeated five times.

It is a modern miracle that no one has been hurt or killed in the Tomatina, but when it comes to Spanish festivals, it they aren’t late at night, or incredibly loud, or totally good naturedly violent or deadly dangerous, what would be the point?

Who paid for the 120,000 kilograms of tomatoes?

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Running out of Petrol

2011-08-28T13:39:00.002+01:00

Running out of Petrol

Over 15,000 people in the U.K. ran out of fuel on the motorway during a one year period. It turns out that as part of these hard economic times people find themselves strapped for cash and consequently instead of asking to be filled up they ask for five or ten pounds.

Running out of fuel is not considered a legitimate breakdown reason. If you call one of the services to bring you fuel they will apply a premium charge, and should the police stop to determine what the problem is they will charge you with having committed an offence. The simple fact is that breaking down on the highway is a dangerous matter , and as drivers we have no excuse should we allow that to happen to us because of a lack of fuel.

So, what is it with women drivers who are most likely to run out of petrol? Lately I have seen two women filling their stationary cars with fuel from Jerry cans. My wife has encouraged me to drive our car with a fuel level that was very close to empty. To her credit one of those times was when we were taking back our hire car. They say we should bring the car back empty because any fuel that is left is our gift to them.

The culprit here is the car hire company and the governing authority for allowing them to press customers into driving on as little fuel as possible. There was a time when they required that you bring the car back with a full tank. That made much more sense. That way, they gave it to you in a full condition and you brought it back the same way.

The second time my wife had let her fuel run right down and we were driving late at night when most, if not all filling stations were closed. We were going from one station to the next and finding that none were open, and all the while using precious fuel. Finally we came to a self-serve station that is open 24 hours a day. As we were driving along a flat surface the car starting making noises as though it was starved for fuel. Fortunately, I was able to glide up to the pump. More fortunate still, it was in working order.

Women seem to have “a thing” about the gas gauge and the weight machine. They have a difficult time believing either of them. Men, under normal circumstances start to panic when the gauge gets to the half way mark. I only feel comfortable when my gauge is showing full. That seems to be a man thing.

So, apart from men and women things, remember that allowing your vehicle to simply run out of petrol is not only the cause for great inconvenience, it is also a dangerous thing to have happen because while you are unable to drive your car you may be involved in an accident, or someone may stop and take advantage of you. The best case scenario might be that you get a ticket from the police.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

August in the City

2011-08-21T15:23:00.001+01:00

August in the City - Space and tranquility

I have come to the conclusion that August in Valencia City is wonderful. So many residents leave town to spend the month in their “country” homes, that are in reality located just fifteen minutes from the city centre, but at one time these were in the country, and they have swimming pools and bbq’s, that the change must be fabulous for them.

Meanwhile, the city is left near empty with room to move around and do things without the need to compete with so many thousands of people that is the norm. For ten months of the year I leave my car on the outskirts and take the metro into downtown, but in July and August I can actually drive into the city and find a place to park on the street.

The custom of shutting up business during August is still carried out by some people but more and more business owners are realising that this is a thing of the past. They must maintain open doors, so some staff take their holidays in July and the rest in August. What a great breakthrough in understanding.

Driving downtown with the sensation of country driving is wonderful. Once in a while I have found myself to be the only person on an avenue. It only lasts for a second, but outside holiday times it never happens.

The sounds are different as well. In normal times there is the constant wail of ambulances. Interestingly, that sound is almost absent in July and August. The attitude of everyone is also different in that we have the time to be human.

So, Long live August in the City. For a brief moment in the great passing parade there is time to smell the roses and to be civil.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Keep your distance

2011-08-14T15:51:00.003+01:00

Maintain a safe distance between you and the vehicle ahead of you.

Praise be to Trafico for doing something that is really useful. They have embarked on putting down road markings that should be very helpful in keeping vehicles from running into one another, simply by keeping our distance.

The way I do this is by choosing a point at which the car in front of me is passing, and then I count off “one, one thousand, two, one thousand.” I should have finished by the time I pass that same point. That will tell me that I have sufficient distance for the speed that I am travelling to be able to stop in time if the driver in front suddenly applies brakes. Of course, I have to be paying attention.

What trafico is now doing is reminding me to do that check as sometimes I forget to do it, and I find I am travelling a little too close. Of course, there are the usual group of people who have shit for brains who deliberately sit right on my rear bumper. I think the idea is to push me along at ever increasing speeds, but I get rid of these pests by slowing down. For my trouble I get flashing lights, beeping of the horn and the single finger salute, all of which I blunt by taking no notice or offence. I simply consider the source.

Trafico’s efforts to keep us safe in this regard is a very good idea and is to be applauded. They could also borrow an idea that I came across in Scotland and that is to use a system of gradual deceleration, using the three-step approach that is now used to denote that an exit is ahead. The required lower speed would apply at the final sign, not at the first sign.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

The Annual Madness

2011-08-07T12:55:00.003+01:00

The Annual Madness

July and August are the two big months for motoring madness in Spain. Families pile into the car and off they go, some straight to their deaths. It does not have to be that way! Alcohol, speed, carelessness, these are the three factors, either only one, or all three.

The question that burns in my mind is why do people drive like this? However, it is a futile question as there is no logic. People get in their cars and put their feet way down on the accelerator for no reason. They drink alcohol without giving it a thought, and they are careless because they must think they are in their living rooms.

For those people who kill themselves by doing stupid things, good riddance. I can’t be bothered to feel sorry or dredge up sympathy for them. Their going is not a total loss. Others will move into their jobs and apartments and take over their savings. However, the bastards always have to take the innocent with them. A head-on crash with other vehicles travelling at the speed limit in their own lanes is the most common cause of that.

I hope that on the other side there is some opportunity to redress such wrongs. It would be good to know that the aggrieved can kick the shit out of the other guy for all eternity. Now that is to die for!

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Super, Civil Scotland!

2011-07-31T15:51:00.003+01:00

Super, Civil Scotland!

The World's best kept Secret

My wife and I have just done something that on the face of things was not very rational: we left the warmth of Spain to travel to the very last point of the Scottish mainland, John O’Groats, which was very chilly, wet and miserable. There was a method to our madness, and the plane going over was carrying Scots returning from Benidorm, and the
plane that brought us back to Spain was filled with more Scots going to Benidorm.

We travelled to the town of Helmsdale on the East coast of Scotland to visit our son who works there at a hotel. Without that motivation we would not have ever found ourselves at the end of the mainland and we might never have had such a wonderful adventure. Scotland is a very special treat on the eyes, and as proof of that is the sheer number of native Scots people who tour around the Highlands in their motor homes.

Our journey took us from Edinburgh to Tomintoul, that is in the heart of the Cairngorms in the vicinity of Inverness; then on to that town itself. A trip to Loch Ness was in order, although I’m not sure why. There is no Loch Ness monster, and there never has been, although by now they could have built one to make scheduled appearances. Then on to spend the night in a town called Beauly that reminds me of certain Southern towns in America that are home to citizens of a Red Neck persuasion. The landlord of the Bed and Breakfast could not have been more pleasant and hospitable.

The next day we arrived at our destination, The Bridge Hotel in Helmsdale. Our son had only commenced his employment there the week before we arrived. The town is a very small fishing village, and the pace of life is slow. Our son will have to be creative in filling his spare time, but the people with whom he is working are a good group, and the hotel is wonderful.

Although it was getting towards the end of the day we all drove up to John O’ Groats, called the most Northerly point of the mainland. As mentioned it presented unpleasant weather conditions, and I could only wonder at what life must be like for the residents of the Shetland and Orkney islands in the cold North Sea.

Our trip back down to Edinburgh was via the West Coast. In my opinion this is the best face of Scotland, presenting scenes of such incredible beauty that the mind needs time to fully take it all in. We needed to have stopped and had a picnic while saturating our senses. Even seen from a picture would not be sufficient to adequately tell the tale. There are unlimited lakes and rivers and mountains and valleys and forests and picture-postcard harbours and castles that you might get the impression that this is a grand park created for the tourists by the Scottish tourist Board.

The principal reason why the beauty of it all is so significant is that it is just how Mother Nature made it. If you turn your head away from the road that you are on you will see a kaleidoscope of terrain never ever touched by man. That is pretty special!

Driving in the Highlands of Scotland (the North) presents a challenge in staying absolutely focused on what you are doing. For the driver, this is very difficult to do because the scenery is so compelling. In the Lowlands (the South) some roads are major highway standards, such as the M9, however, as we progress farther North we get to drive on Class A roads, which are one lane in either direction. However, for those roads that course through the really scenic parts we are presented with Class B, or even Class C roads. These are one lane with passing places. They are very dangerous and allow no opportunity to glance around and take in the sights. To do that you will have to stop at designated parking places that are usually situated in recommended photo-op places.

Two points worth making are there are many blind hilltops when you drive up a steep slope, and you cannot see if anything is coming up the other side. Usually there is a little space for one of the vehicles to pull off to the side at the top, but these situations must be approached with great caution.

Secondly, the remote villages have snow gates at both ends of the road. There will be times during the Winter when the gates are closed, thereby sealing the residents in the village as the snow will be impassable. Pity the poor bugger who is caught out in the lonely outback when the blizzard starts. There is no shelter except possibly the odd Bed and breakfast inn, if you are very lucky.

As unsatisfactory as the “B” and “C” roads are, it would still be a grave mistake for the Scottish government to push through highways in these places as the main attraction is how little mankind has encroached on the natural beauty.

This was one of the things on my “Bucket” list that I am now able to cross off, and I am very glad that we had such a sensational experience. I would definitely pay a return visit to Bonny, Warm Scotland.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Go Full, Return Empty

2011-07-24T17:52:00.002+01:00

Go Full, Return Empty-This is not actually possible unless you push it.

This isn’t even possible, but in the world of hire cars this is one of the very common terms that you are expected to adhere to. Basically, if you don’t have to hire a car then you would be well advised not to do so. One thing is clear, whatever you think you will pay you will eventually end up paying more….much more.

We have just completed an around another driving tour, and the truth is that we thoroughly enjoyed the experience, but the hire companies do get you. We responded to a come on from one company that promised a car for six days at a cost of 60 euros. The actual cost to us before we even turned the key was 127 euros. The terrible thing was that the company that we chose was one of the better ones.

The basic rental was as advertised, however, added to that was the cost of the full tank of petrol at 48 euros. This was a Kia Picanto, bright yellow, that reminded me of driving around in a canary, with a very small tank that holds 35 litres. The cost to fill up is about 30 euros.

Then, they charge 2 euros a day for the second driver. What’s this for? Probably nothing, but they can charge it, so they do

You are advised to take out comprehensive insurance cover that pays from the first euro. No excess charge fee for the insured driver is a very good thing, because if there is an excess charge you’ll probably get stuck with it, even for minor scratches that were already there but not noticed by you when you picked up the car. (At least that has been my experience.)

Then there is the little matter of the cost of the insurance. Comprehensive cover for my car in my name would cost about 750 euros annually. That’s about 2 euros a day. However, some hire companies charge a per day fee of a specific amount for this cover that is over and above the basic rental. I have paid around 10.00 euros a day. We can quickly see the profit involved there.

Car hire is like travelling by plane. You know it’s going to be painful, but it’s just one of those irritants that we learn to live with. To bring the car back practically empty of fuel is an exercise in nerves. As you draw near to the depot the needle goes into the red and a message keeps flashing that tells you how many more kilometres you can go before you have to add a top up to the tank. My last car hire I pulled into the depot with a mere five miles to go before the car would have simply stopped,

Talk about stress!

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Feria del Automóvil de Valencia

2011-07-15T09:27:00.003+01:00

What Beauties!

This is an annual event that takes place at the enormous Feria Valencia complex in Paterna. It is simply a stupefying display of every type of car, and motorbike that one could hope to see. Car dealers offer event discounts on new cars and a large selection of secondhand cars as well.

If you have never visited this show centre you cannot appreciate how large it is from my description. I simply am unable to imagine what kind of show it would have to be to use all the space. I was not in the market to purchase a car, owning to the fact that I already own two. I went to see the custom cars and the classic vehicles. I was not disappointed!

The presentation began with the vehicles parked out in front. A powder blue Cadillac people carrier, that was an early model that I had never seen before. It had lots of glass as if it was used to carry celebrities. Parked next to that was a classic old-style Jeep that was in showroom condition. It was mounted by several extra lights that makes it standout as being extra masculine. A Ford Capri from many years ago in bright red stood regal and in perfect condition. That owner was obviously very proud of his treasure. I owned a Capri at one time and was in love with that car.

There were many other fabulous cars on show in the sunshine, but I needed to get inside. The entrance fee was only 3 euros so upon payment of that I was in. Immediately, we were met with a display of motorcycles, including a BMW motorcycle with sidecar, and a mount for a machine gun that would have served during the war, on the nazi side. I would like it in its complete form so that I could move the traffic.

The Seat 600 club had their fleet on display. It’s amazing to remember that this car served as the family car and it moved Big Mama and grandparents as well. So many eclectic cars brought back to their finest condition that my memory was overwhelmed.

My second favourite display was the Jaguars section displaying models down through the ages. Many of the big cats were there. There was one of the XK120 models, but not the exact model that I owned when I was in London. The model I owned is shown at the top of this column and was British Racing Green. When I was seen in it I was assumed to be a show biz celebrity. The new Jaguars are, I’m sure, really grand cars, but I don’t like them. I am a classic model fan, specifically in that I love my Jag Sovereign.

There were some Rolls Royce cars on display that were interesting, but the RR has never intrigued me. It has always been a car that needs to be driven by a chauffer, and is more like an elegant bus. It has never even drawn my attention, until I came across a dark blue Silver Spirit, 1986. That’s a 25 year-old car that appeared in better condition than many of the second hand semi-new cars on sale. The owner was asking 11,950 euros, but the car was on British plates so has to be imported. It has passed Spanish ITV but at that price it would likely cost another 10,000 euros by the time it has been imported.

The Rolls Royce is one of those vehicles that will run forever, and I yearned so much for this car that I could have driven home in it. This model has the aura of a Rolls that can and should be driven by the owner. I can just see myself driving along in this car. When I drive my Jag people fall over in surprise. Just for the hell of it I would like to get the reaction of people on the street of me in a Rolls. However, I would not like to get the reaction of the tax man.

All things considered I really enjoyed the Feria. There were a lot of stalls selling parts and clothing, and it seemed that some dealers must have brought their entire inventory. The only thing that was missing was the thousands and thousands of people who were expected. There were very few people, and you could see the disappointed looks on the face of the stallholders. I felt so bad for those people. I don’t know what went wrong because this is an annual event at the feria, so the organisers have a wealth of experience to call on to promote the event.

Maybe this is further evidence of the economic crisis at work.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

The Ultimate Road Test

2011-07-10T12:37:00.004+01:00

The Ultimate Road Test

Smoky is behind You!

Has this ever happened to you? You leave home in the car and no sooner have you got on to the main road a police car comes up behind you, and he stays there, never passing you, and seemingly going wherever it is you are going.

That’s when everything you ever learned in driving school comes back into your mind in sharp fashion. You observe every rule to the letter, and you feel hypocritical doing so, but you know you are being graded, especially during these days when the police get a bonus for bringing in traffic fines.

So, the first thing you remember to do is place both hands on the wheel. When passing through towns you are super alert to pedestrians who might cross on the crosswalks. You see every speed indication sign, and you make certain that you are moving at the correct minimum speed before you reach the sign.

The worst thing is when you come up behind a tractor travelling at 40 kph. You have to wait until the road indicates that you may overtake, and for that to happen you may have to move at 40 for quite some time. Without the police on your tail you would have swung out and around the tractor a long time ago, even if it was a little risky. Where are you finding such patience?

When you come to a stop sign you actually stop. Some people think that if you are moving at about 20 kph you are virtually stopped. No! Stop means no wheels moving for at least a count of three. Jesus! Being a law-abiding citizen is a real pain in the ass.

One of the most difficult parts of the test comes when you enter a slower speed zone. Most slow-down zones are due to the presence of danger, and ideally there should be signs to allow resumption to the normal speed. However, very often such signs are missing leaving the driver to assume when he can return to the higher speed level. That may be fine when you do not have the police behind you..

The number of times you think of stopping at a place that is not your destination just to shake those bastards off your tail is becoming boring, but you keep going until you really reach your destination. The police continue on their way, having noted how careful you are as a driver. Perhaps they will send you some kind of commendation so that you will feel a little better about having been put through such hell.

Curiously, when the same police car comes up behind you at night you carry on driving as usual, paying no attention whatsoever as to who is driving. You may even get into a race with him if he teases you just right.

As much as such an experience is to be avoided at all costs, there is an experience that is even more objectionable: that is being followed by a funeral hearse. They seem to be saying: “ready when you are.”

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

120 kph Again!

2011-07-03T16:04:00.002+01:00

WHATEVER!

As from July 1, 2011, the maximum speed limit throughout Spain will once again become 120 kph. This seems to me to be a case of all things changing to remain the same.

One newspaper headlined about the lower limit: “More people die on the roads, and no saving in fuel.” Another newspaper agreed that deaths on the road were up over the same period last year, but that drivers had saved 28 million euros in fuel expense.

When the government announced that they were lowering the limit to save fuel, suspicion centred around their true objective. Approximately half the cost of a litre of fuel is government tax, so the question was: are they serious? Clearly if I am buying less fuel they are earning less revenue at a time when they are desperate for funds.

Our thinking was that they wanted to be seen as being politically correct, while at the same time they expected to make up the difference in lost revenue through increased traffic fines, but drivers refused to cooperate. We drove slower and paid less in fines, and contrary to what one newspaper says, we must surely have used less fuel.

This situation could not be allowed to stand. It would be only a matter of time before the government gave in and changed their mind because they were losing much needed revenue in taxes and fines, which is, after all, another form of tax. At the time the limit was lowered in Spain it was increased in certain other countries, thus proving that nobody quite knows what the hell is going on.

On Thursday, June 30th, the process began to switch the signs to 120 kph. First the direction leaving the city was done, so that made driving out of town 120 kph, and driving into the city 110 kph. Admittedly, they did place paper to cover the 120 sign, but drivers knew what it said and acted accordingly.

Considering that it cost somewhere between 250,000 to 600,000 euros to make the first change, and now, after such a short time we are going back to the way we were, it just proves that no-one makes mistakes quite the way that government does.

I decided that I would simply ignore all of such nonsense and simply stick to my custom by driving at a maximum of 100 kph. I know I’m saving on fuel costs.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Formula One in Valencia

2011-06-26T17:55:00.003+01:00

Formula One in Valencia

Once more into the Breech

As I begin writing this it is June 23rd, 2011. Certain streets in Valencia City are cordoned off, all the seats are in place, all the equipment has been set up, and most important of all, the cars are here and can be heard roaring like lions in a cage.

Excitement is rising, and from tomorrow there is not one single hotel room anywhere in the immediate area of Valencia City that has not been sold. At one city hotel tonight’s rate for the room is 125 euros. For Friday and Saturday nights that rises to 750 euros. Valencia loves Formula One.

The amusing thing is that when Formula One was first mooted as using Valencia as a circuit there was much resistance from people who live in the city. Then, reportedly City Hall suggested that it could take place in August. Oh well, August, no problem, the city becomes like a ghost town. Everybody leaves town so you can make as much noise as you like, we residents won’t be here. In fact, some of us can rent out our apartments, especially those that overlook the circuit for exorbitant sums of money, and everybody is a winner.

This year, the race takes place in June. Coincidence? You be the judge.

Anyway, Lewis Hamilton is determined to be the winner of this race, but those of us who love Spain would just be delighted if Fernando Alonso could win on home territory. We need something to celebrate to raise our spirits. and to take our minds off the awful financial consequences of so many people who are out of work. It is simply amazing that so many people are still in a position to be able to afford the outlay for tickets. I’m very happy for those people, but it does seem like something of an anomaly.

Some group had been spreading a rumour that all three days had been sold out and that there were absolutely no tickets available, so there was no point in trying to obtain entrance. The truth is that there were plenty of last-minute tickets available, so this could only have been a sabotage attempt.

It is amazing to what extents people will go to attend Formula One in person. They fly in by the planeload, and they drive in from extraordinarily long distances. I met a couple that drove up from Marbella that took them ten non-stop hours. They were late for the qualifying round. However, people came from Madrid by the AVE bullet train at 300 kph to see cars being driven at 300 kph. Interesting!

At this stage it is possible to make predictions on how the race will turn out. My expectation is that Alonso will break down or otherwise drop out of the running; Hamilton will come in second, and the race will probably be won by Vettel whose year this seems to be.

Well the race is over and here is how things turned out: the day could not have been better from the weather standpoint. There was not a cloud in the sky. All the big yachts were in their place and all tickets were sold out.

As I predicted, Vettel was first across the line. This is definitely shaping up to be his year. Alonso, far from suffering from bad luck, very nearly won this one, by coming in a respectable second. The home crowd were delighted, almost to the point of a first prize result. Lewis, who was feeling so confident before the race tried valiantly to make his expectation a reality, but the best he could produce on the day was a fourth behind Mark Webber.

This year, Vettel is the Speed Demon, and once he is placed on Pole position he doesn’t easily give that up. Formula One Racing is a whole lot more interesting when the outcome is unpredictable; unlike those years that Michael Schumacher won every race and every season.

This time around, Michael came in seventeenth. I know he is driving for Mercedes, but what is under the hood?

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Learning Lessons ........Again!

2011-06-19T12:24:00.001+01:00

Learning Lessons ........Again!

Without Pain

It happened to me again this past week. The police were conducting a blitz on foreigner’s documentation through stopping foreigner’s vehicles. As I drove along there was a car ahead of me that was driven by a mature Spaniard. He passed three policemen who got him to slow down, then waved him on without stopping. Then I came into the zone and immediately the policemen became animated.

They indicated that I was to pull over. Here I was, a black man actually driving a car. By the way they came alive they were not expecting this development at all. Now, I have to tell you that on every occasion I have had to deal with the police they have been models of professionalism. I have nothing but praise for what I describe as a good bunch of professionals.

These guys evidently expected they had netted the jackpot. They seemed uncertain what question to ask me first because in their minds, the last time they thought they saw me was coming ashore as an illegal alien. Call the tow truck, call the paddy wagon, this one’s going straight to jail.

Did I have a passport? Yes. O.K. Let’s check that. Checked and found to be in order.

Do you actually have a driver’s license? Yes. A Spanish permiso! Must be a forgery. Oh Damn! That checks out as being legitimate. Damn! Damn! Damn!

Patience Miguel! Patience my ass! I want to arrest this fella for something.

Are you registered on the Central registry of Foreigners in Spain? Yes. Here is the Certificate.

Is this your car? Yes. These are the documents that show that it has had its latest ITV; these are the insurance certificates and the Permission to Circulate.

What is your job? I don’t work. I’m retired.

Me carga en la leche! This cannot be! There are Spaniards driving around lacking in this or that piece of document, and here’s this fella who is completely covered and legitimate.

Throughout all of this I was calm and conversational, and from my standpoint I was not bothered in the least. The facts are that there are a great number of people here in Spain who aren’t properly documented. They drive cars without insurance, and without having been properly imported into the country. They don’t even have Spanish plates. These are the people whom the police were actually looking for, and such people are a menace to other road users. So, good luck to them to pull such people off the road.

I was driving my old beat up work-horse of a Volvo, that I love. Can you imagine had I pulled up in my Jaguar Sovereign. They would likely have had a heart attack.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Stupid is as Stupid does

2011-06-12T12:52:00.002+01:00

Stupid is as Stupid does -Burning Rubber

This is a quote from a film, but I’m really not all that certain what it means. It’s just one of those sayings that kind of stick. However, it could be made to fit with the actions of so many drivers. I witnessed yet another really stupid, and dangerous action on the part of somebody who evidently has shit for brains, and that got me thinking whether we actually know that we are being stupid at the time we commit stupid acts?

The driver, and I must say that these are all men, who drives very fast, pulling in and out of traffic, only to turn off the road in just a few metres is being very stupid indeed, but is he so stupid that he really does not realize it?

I look back on my life and there was a period when I rode like a demon. The only time when I realized that I was being very stupid was when I found myself under a car that had fortunately stopped. Had it not the back wheels would have run over me. That was my wake up call and after that experience I wised-up and became responsible in my travels.

The boy rider with a girl on the back who rides along the motorway as fast as he can go is being both stupid and very reckless with someone else’s life. Presumably he is trying to impress her, but he only has to get her home safely to do that.

I think that it is a fact that everyone who causes a vehicle crash thinks, “if only I didn’t do this or that, the accident need not have happened.” Obviously too late, the time for such thoughts is before you go. It’s bad enough if you only get a speeding ticket. If only you were not in such a hurry; if only I had left home earlier, and a thousand such if only scenarios.

The other option is to arrive at your destination without incident of any kind. The Department of Traffic like to say that they cannot drive for you, so it is up to each and every one of us to get it right. No one else can make that happen for us.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Driving and Weather

2011-06-05T13:02:00.003+01:00

Driving and Weather

When popping out to the supermarket could be the last thing you ever do.

Recently, I was driving under threatening clouds when suddenly the rain started. If you asked me how many times has that happened throughout my 55 year driving record I just couldn’t even imagine. However, on this particular occasion the rain increased in its intensity, so I increased the speed of my wipers and slowed my driving speed. The rain increased even further to the extent of affecting visibility, so I turned on my hazard lights and the rear red light, but the rain became even harder, and heavy.

Traffic became difficult to see and the road markings could hardly be seen. By this time I had slowed to a crawl but I thought I was in danger because of the idiots who would have pushed hard regardless, so I was thinking that perhaps I should pull off the road.

I passed one car that had stopped, and then another, and then I started seeing cars on the other side of the road that had stopped. There was even one motorcyclist, poor fellow, who was huddled over the gas tank. Finally, it was raining so hard that I was unable to see beyond my windscreen wipers, so on instinct, and at a mere crawl I pulled over to my right until I brushed the leaves of a tree and decided that was probably far enough.

Not a soul moved, not even trucks, and there we sat for about fifteen minutes. I have often seen pictures of cars that are under water. I always thought that they were cars that had been parked and left by their drivers, but maybe they got that way because of the circumstances I have described. We were fortunate in that we were at the top of a hill with good run-off for the water, but you can safely bet that there were people who weren’t so lucky.

Driving and sudden intense weather patterns, such as overwhelming rain, hail, wind, snow, ice and tornadoes presents a constant danger to motorists. After those graphic pictures we saw from Japan we have to also add earthquake and tsunami. There is no advice that can be offered, such as know the weather forecast before you go. We simply don’t function like that. I can only hope that you are as lucky as I have been to have had only two encounters of such intensity in my entire experience.

They are not fun! They might also be the end of the line if you are really so unfortunate.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

An Annual Event

2011-05-29T14:58:00.004+01:00

It Happens every Year

There are some things you can set your watch by, and the annual exodus and returns from the city are one of those things. People just can’t wait to get out of their offices and to hit the road on their way to vacation-land. Personally, I cannot fault them for feeling like this. The first day of June, and July, and possibly the day or two before are the days for the mass exodus, and by mass I do mean just that. Millions of people stack themselves into little tin cans with wheels and head on out.

For the Traffic Department this must be their time of year for the greatest headaches. It is when over-crowding becomes very real. There are whole families all in one moving place thereby making the possibility of total disaster so much closer to happening. I have sworn that during these times I will not join in the madness. If I have to drive at all it will only be very short distances, or I will leave after everybody else has gone, and come back when they are all at home.

Coastal towns become besieged by people from the interior of the country, as well, people who live along one part of the coast decide they want to go to another, or that they want to go to their holiday homes with swimming pools inland.

These are supposed to be happy times. However, all to often families suffer disasters while in motion. It doesn’t have to be this way. There are some things that drivers can do to ensure that they will not be part of the unhappy statistics:

- Never drive when you are tired. Be sure that the night before you get a decent rest that will prepare you for the day ahead. Stop every two hours for a rest.
- Never, never, never drink alcohol and then take control of a vehicle. Forget custom, start a new trend and leave alcohol or drugs out of your consideration.
- Everybody has to wear a seatbelt. Remember, a toddler roaming around loose in the car will kill everybody through causing a distraction.
- Be super alert and attentive. Anticipate what might happen and prepare for it.
- Eat light meals along the way so that you are not made drowsy by heavy foods.
- As the driver, your judgement will make or break the holiday. Be a hero to your family and get them there and back safely.

My wish is that during this Summer there will be no fatal crashes. However, if I can’t have that wish, then at least there should be as few as possible.

Good Luck Everybody, and Happy Motoring!

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Cars I have loved

2011-05-22T11:08:00.004+01:00

Cars I have loved , and loved, etc.

I was the first person in my family to own a car. I bought it when I was sixteen years old from a U.S. Navy officer who had treated it as though it were a pair of his dress shoes. It was spotlessly clean, and white, and a Ford Prefect, with a visor. No car ever meant more to its owner than that one, and I’m not talking about the seller, I’m talking about myself.

With the transfer of documents something happened to me, and as I sit here all these years later, I’m not really sure what it was, but I changed from being just anybody to being a car owner. I had transport, and thanks to the seller it was elegant and looked as though it just came out of the showroom. I recall the rather bemused reaction of the officer who was a little surprised at how a simple car could mean so much to one person. He kept repeating, “Well, I did want it to go to a good home.”

That car confirmed that I had become a man, even though I was too young to legally own it, and to license it. That didn’t stop me from driving it, but looking back that was really a stupid thing to have done. The risk I took was having an accident that would have been uninsured, and all the attendant problems of driving without a license at the very start of my life. What the hell was I thinking?

When I finally went to test for my license I had to get someone walking nearby to drive the car into the testing area. He said he could drive but I really didn’t know if he actually had a license. Anyway, he parked it and went along his way. The examiner said he’d seen me arrive and asked where was my driver. The driver has gone, I replied. “What if you fail your test?” “I didn’t come to fail,” said I. What arrogance!

Later that day while I was driving on my newly acquired permit, a pedestrian stepped out into the road and I had to brake sharply. It was the examiner.

My next car was a Jaguar XK120, British Racing Green, and convertible. I was living in London then, and that car was all engine. One evening I decided I would attend a concert at the Queen Elizabeth II Concert Hall, with The Queen Mother as Patron. I had dressed in a tux and I attended solo. On the way I stopped at a red light and was immediately sought after for my autograph by some excited girls calling me Lennie. I had no idea who Lennie was but I milked the situation as much as I could.

After the concert I went to stand at the side of the red carpet to see the Queen Mother leave. To my utter surprise she came over to me to ask whether I had enjoyed it. I was so tongue-tied I‘m sure she didn’t understand a word I said.

I next bought a Ford Capri that was just lovely. It confirmed in me a fan for Ford cars, even though I never bought another. I would actually love to own a Ford Mondeo, but perhaps at a later date. The Capri gave me the same sort of prestige I had enjoyed with the Jag, as I was living yet again in Bermuda. I drove it for years and years, and when the time came to write it off, you might have thought I had lost a family member. In a way, of course, I had.

My next car was a VW Scirocco, a real prize that I bought from a man who sold it for reasons unknown, because it was sexed up and looked fabulous. It had oversize tyres, was shiny black, with tinted windows. The inside was like a space ship with all sorts of add-ons, and the sound system was to die for. In reality, it was a super stereo system on wheels. I drove it until I left Bermuda when I gave it to my brother. Unfortunately he was unable to keep it up and it died a natural death.

We came to Spain and bought a Fiat station wagon, that for me, was very down to earth. We made good use of its space, but in the end it developed a hiccup that no-one was able to rectify. It was therefore just left to sit. When I went back to it to start the engine and try and deliver some large refuse to the dump, it ran perfectly. All it needed was a vacation. However, because of its advanced age we sent it to the home for senior cars, and in its place I bought a Chrysler seven-seater people carrier. This is an American car that had such a wonderful roar, but some thugs decided it was much too nice a car for me to drive, so they stole it and set it alight.

In place of the Chrysler I bought a Volvo 850. This is my everyday workhorse and a really fine piece of engineering. I just love the car, although it developed a habit of trying to kill me by simply ceasing to run without warning. When I called on the Volvo experts to fix it they had no idea what was wrong with it, and instructed that I was to remove it from their garage. Stupid bastards! In other words I was to take it away and dump it.

I demanded from Volvo, Sweden that they find me some real help. They instructed the main concession for Spain to talk to the garage, and they came back to me, suitably chastened to ask that I let them take another look. It’s fixed now, and the problem was so simple. A change of the main fuses cleared that up. Gradually, I found that I was spending a lot of time in the garage with it as a number of parts needed to be changed due to its age, so when the opportunity of a lifetime came along, I was ready.

One of NATO’s VIP cars was put up for sale. It was a Jaguar Sovereign that had been treated like a mascot, and no-one had ever got in that car, with the exception of mechanics, of course, with dirty shoes. It sits outside my house now as my classic car that gets driven once a week, if the weather is good.

It was a silly thing to do, I grant you that, but at my age I may never get the chance to do anything quite as silly again. Here’s to life!!!!

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Motorcycles

2011-05-15T14:39:00.004+01:00

Very Cool Motorcycles

I have ridden motorcycles all of my life, and now that I am 72 it may be time to give up this love affair, but I am still mounting them and riding on. My favourite experience over more than 55 years just simply has to be the time I spent on The Honda Goldwing, but frankly, that has come to be a bike too heavy for me these days.

I reflect on the ease, when I was much younger, with which I rode hard and fast, sometimes with others, but often as a solo rider. It all started with a moped and the movie “The Wild One” with Marlon Brandon. That galvanised several bike groups into being, but in defence I have to say that our main menace was on the road. Once we got to where we were going we were a perfectly decent bunch of guys.

Fortunately, all the young guys that I rode with survived our passage of growth to go on to bigger and better things. In my case that included touring Europe over about three months on a BSA 500. What a wonderful bike that was. Very durable, because it took two of us around England, Scotland and Wales. Holland, Belgium, France, Spain, Portugal, Gibraltar, Italy, Germany, and Switzerland. I have the most fond memories of that epic (for me) adventure, and don’t regret a moment of it.

Various motorcycles came in between the BSA and the Goldwing, but with the ‘Wing I had attained the ultimate riding experience. Now, don’t get me wrong, if I had my choice I would have one Harley and one Goldwing. They are each representative of different biking lifestyles.

If you ever ride a ‘Wing you will get the same question many times: “Why don’t you just get a car?” I can understand where the question comes from, especially as the ride is quiet and comfortable, with music and mobile phone access and Communicator helmets, but you are outside the box of a car, and that makes all the difference. Even nuns turn their heads to look at this bike.

I have never seen a Goldwing that has crashed, and I hope I never do. That would be one sad sight. The bike is so heavy that riders always worry about dropping it. There is a technique for lifting it on one’s own, should you have the strength, but you never want to have to put it in practice.

On the down side, riding bikes is a dangerous activity, and always has been. However, when you are young and indestructible the risks are not recognised, or even thought about. As you grow older you start thinking that I might fall and break a hip, or something. I’ve got a mortgage, for crying out loud! Recently I had a small accident that broke my leg. I’m back walking and functioning more or less normally, but I am carrying two long screws in the leg that reminds me of the incident that came at a time in my life when it was difficult to recover.

But, I still love motorcycles, and I do ride whenever it makes sense. So, if you see a cool looking senior citizen gliding on by, that’s me. Be kind and give me a thumbs up! Please!

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Home Again

2011-05-08T14:38:00.002+01:00

No Place like Home

After a road trip of 2, 400 kilometres, we are home again, safe and sound. As I stated in the first of this series, I would not normally take to the roads during peak driving times when everybody and his brother are out and touring, but because we have a friend who now lives in France, we took the risk. However, our timing was such that we allowed all of the madding crowd to go ahead of us, and we came home after they did, leaving us with normal traffic.

We thoroughly enjoyed our visit with our friend. Before she moved she was always near at hand, but now that she lives in another country we realise what a truly wonderful person she is, and we miss her dearly.

We were together on the day of the Royal Wedding, and it was so nice to see that people all over the world joined in with street parties and celebrations all of their own. The curious thing was that I think it was both a wedding and homage to William’s mother who was taken from us far too soon.

Diana’s funeral brought out a side of the great British public that no-one knew they were capable of, and after all these years they still care. By giving our love and best wishes and unqualified support to her oldest son, we somehow were able to express our continuing admiration to Lady Di, Queen of Hearts.

We left our friend on Saturday to drive back to Valencia, and although with two of us driving we could have made the trip in about twelve hours, we took two days by driving through places of interest. From the area of Poitiers we headed south to Pau, in France, a charming little town that sits at the base of the Pyrenees Mountains. We took our time and followed National roads all the way, being very careful to obey traffic signs and speed limits, because the police were very much in evidence.

After a comfortable night, we continued on our journey that took us through and over the mountains, along some of the most pleasant, and challenging roads one could ask for. When it came time to cross the border we did so on the inside of a tunnel that was 8.9 kilometres long. It was our intention to spend the night in Alcañiz, a busy little town with a grand Parador in Spain. Spending the night there was a lovely experience and a fitting last night away from home.

From Alcañiz we simply headed for Valencia, and home. It had been a wonderful way to spend the Easter holiday. We were able to do so without serious incident, and our choice of route was both interesting and informative. On the way to our destination in France we spent about twenty-five euros in tolls. On the way back, we spent zero on tolls, but it really is a shame about the fine of 100 euros I picked up by finally getting caught by radar.

Ah well!

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

On the Road Again

2011-05-02T20:21:00.005+01:00

On the Road Again with a visit to Cognac Country

With apologies to Willie Nelson, we continued our trip to France, having stopped to celebrate Good Friday with the good people of Zaragoza. Driving was relatively good because of the absence of overcrowding on the road, and for this reason there is not a lot to discuss about the drive itself, except to say that the further north we travelled the greener the scenery became.

This is because in this part of the country the rains come with more frequency, and in this regard they are the lucky ones. The river Ebro flows freely generating an excess of water that the south want to buy. Because of politics, the North won’t sell the water for reasons that even they don’t understand. It’s just part of the stupidity of men.

We carried on into France, and the only complaint I have is the robbery that is carried out by each little community taking tolls from travellers. I’m sure that the practice is excessive, and at one time it was the highwaymen who robbed the traveller. These days it is the authorities who carry out the ritual.

We spent the night in a rest stop in the town of Bordeaux that was pleasant enough. It is an important French town with many typical government buildings that are architectural works of art. However, we were anxious to reach our destination to visit with our friend in a little town called Couhé. I want to describe this little paradise in greater detail once I have had the opportunity to get to know it well.

We did a little day trip once we arrived and had a chance to settle down. France is wine country, or to be more exact grape country, and you find yourself in the midst of all of the well-known household names, such as the afore-mentioned Bordeaux, Chateaunauf, Champagne, Sauvignon, Beaujolais, and Cognac, to name a few. It was to Cognac that we took our day trip to visit the home of famous brandies, or to be more precise, Cognacs. Apparently anyone can make a brandy, but not a Cognac. There is only one Cognac district for many good reasons.

We paid a very pleasing visit to the home of the cathedral of fine Cognac, Remy Martin, a fine drink that I have been an aficianado of for over 50 years. We were given a well-presented tour by a young American in Cognac Country, a lovely exchange student named Laura. I was so impressed by her manner and cordiality that I promised her I would tell you that you would do well to include a visit to her establishment in your plans. The entrance charge is well worth it.

For me, a confirmed Cognac drinker, this was the equivalent of a visit to the fountain and the source. The visit takes two hours and includes a good description of the manufacturing process, and, of course, a sampling session. Whether it is V.S.O.P. or the XO line, for me Cognac is the best. When it comes to deciding which brand is at the top it may be a case of who has the best public relations, however, I have tried most of the well-known brands and I love them all.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Good Friday

2011-04-24T19:31:00.003+01:00

Road Trip - Good Friday in Zaragoza

It’s Easter, 2011, and we are doing something I thought we would never do. We have set out on a road trip to visit a friend who has moved from Spain to France, and the only time we can find to make a visit is during the Easter school break. Normally, when all the world, and his brothers and sisters take to the road I stay at home. That is because over holiday times like these there is usually a spike in deaths on the road. As a compromise we gave them all a head start and we waited until Good Friday to set out. Good move, as the roads were practically empty.

We left Valencia on the way to Zaragoza as a first stage, with a stop in Teruel for coffee and to stretch our legs. We arrived at noonday when the drums broke their Good Friday silence in a roar. The tradition is for drummers to commemorate the Crucifixion and burial of Christ starting at noon. It also made for a very nice welcome to us. In all, there were about 50 drummers, and that for us was quite impressive. Little did we know!

We carried on our travels arriving in Zaragoza about 3pm, and we found our hotel easily because it was situated on the Plaza Pilar, one of the main centres with a massive open space, fronted on one side by the great Basilica and church, and on the other by hotels and restaurants. At the moment that we arrived there was one of the Brotherhoods on parade with drums and wearing the pointy-headed costumes that is normal for Semana Santa festivities.

After a nice lunch we wondered around for a little while, and very rapidly it was time for the great processions commemorating the burial of Christ. This is done by parading Christ in various stages of the taking down from the cross, to the final depiction being Mary, the Mother of Christ being depicted in all her pain and sorrow.

We had read somewhere that this would involve a total of about 10,000 drummers, but we assumed that to be a typo. There were many Brotherhoods participating, each one from a different church, and consisting of about 200 drummers in each group, some of them were very little children whose drums were bigger than they were. The processions went on for about three hours and were very colourful, so I suppose that in the end there were about 10,000 drummers. The noise was deafening and was not to be ignored.

I’m not a very religious person, but I did have empathy with the believers on that day. One point of interest was that we had asked a policeman about the route of the parade beforehand, and whether the procession would pass our hotel. He said that they never passed that way, however; the parade has finished about an hour ago and we are now back at our hotel. Probably most of the groups are not yet prepared to call it a day, so they are parading around and around the plaza in front of our hotel.

That’s all well and good, but when are these people going to go home?

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Letting the Train take the Strain

2011-04-17T14:06:00.003+01:00

Fabulous Train Views

I do love to ride the train. I’m sure that’s because I very rarely do, so when the opportunity comes around I’m like a kid. However, I like my train rides to be long distance non-stop affairs that give me time to sink into the start, to go to sleep during the middle part, and to really feel the experience of going somewhere with never before- seen passing scenery. The magic begins when at precisely the announced hour and minute the train very quietly leaves the station. No blaring horn or “All Aboard” to jolt my senses, just a nice and quiet leaving. If you other people are late, tough shit. We’re on our way. For the first little while I am wide awake and fully conscious of everything that is sliding past, but little by little my eyes start to cloud over to the sound of the click-clack, and the gentle swaying of the coaches. I don’t even see it coming, my eyes just close and my head goes down to my chest, and I pray that I’m not snoring too loud, or God forbid, I’m not drooling. I can report that some of the most enjoyable sleeps I have ever had were on trains. My most notable train ride was from Montreal, Canada straight through to Banff Springs, Alberta, Canada. The railways don’t do this anymore, you have to take several different connecting trains, but back then we simply got on one end, and got off in Banff. If you understand that I come from a country that is exactly 35 kilometres long, and Canada is more than 3,500 miles across, then you get the idea of how exciting this was for me. Through cities and towns and farmland, and beautiful mountains we went, but it was the plains, endless vistas of land with just wheat or other crops, and completely flat land that totally hypnotized me. I have never seen such open spaces, even though I have visited the U.S. Obviously the land mass is equal, but I have always found myself within built-up areas in the U.S. Only in Canada have I ventured that far outside civilization. I was taking pictures of the plains when a Canadian asked me, “What the hell are you taking pictures of?” We had sleeping accommodation that was very small that encouraged intimacy. On the first night I went to sleep naked with my head against the interior wall. I awoke in the early morning when I realized that we were not moving. In fact, we were stopped alongside another train, and passengers from that train were cueing up to see my flaccid penis. I never made that mistake again. You can never know where the train will stop. I have such a fascination with trains that I will write future blogs on the subject, but I just wanted to say that I have recently completed a fairly straightforward journey between Valencia City and Alicante terminal. I did this using the Euromed, a very comfortable train, even travelling in tourist class. What was particularly fascinating about this journey is that I have also driven the distance, and trying to figure exactly where I was on the train in relation to the road system was difficult to track at all times. Trying to get my bearings from station names when we were zipping past at 200 kph was impossible. I think I have finally figured out the approximate route, but trying to do so added a bit of intrigue. A new experience has just been added between Valencia and Madrid with the AVE service, a super-fast train that covers the distance in one and a half hours, whereas with other services it takes between three to four hours. Many people have been taking a day outing, just for the hell of it. I must join in the fun of Valencia-Madrid-Valencia in one day. More train stuff to come in the near future. Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Driving Tests Cheats

2011-04-10T19:56:00.003+01:00

People shouldn't cheat, but they do.

I noticed through an article in the newspaper that the cheats are at it again in the never-ending quest to get the all-important Spanish Driving licence. Having driven all of my adult life I came to Spain only to discover that I had to start from scratch, in Spanish, to study for my Spanish licence. Since I had no skill in the language it was the greatest challenge of my life, but given that I could not live in this country without driving, failure was not an option. Along the way I discovered that not only did you have to know the rules of the road intimately, but you also had to know how the test was administered.

Basically, it was not user friendly at all, to the extent that I concluded that its purpose was to make the applicant fail. Assuming that this was true, one possible reason might have been to try and hold back the tsunami of new would-be drivers and their cars that would add to the already over-crowded streets. My driving school didn’t want to take me on as a client because I did not have a command of Spanish, so it was deemed an impossible task. But I passed the theory on the first try, which is something that most Spanish people don’t do, and I passed the driving practical exam on the first go as well. However, I had been driving for fifty years, although that could have gone against me as bad habits become entrenched by then. Once I had my permit I set about offering a service to other English-speaking people because I had got into the heads of the examiners and I was able to go through the various practice tests papers to point out the traps.

There would be many groups of two questions that essentially asked the very same question, but because of how the question was stated the applicant was set up to answer one correctly and the other incorrectly. I grew to respect the skill of the people who set the questions, but I certainly did not respect the fact that the public were being treated in such a manner. The effect was to penalize perfectly innocent people. So, I understood when those on the inside started working with those on the outside to make money from those who were willing to pay. But sharp-eyed law enforcement types who probably expect this sort of thing took their time until they knew exactly how the scams were being worked, then they busted everybody. The toll was really impressive, and big names went down together with the clients who lost their licences and had to wait for a long time before they could start all over again. The publicity was great and one would have thought that the message was clear. However, a new form of the scam has unfolded with people buying their driving permits. The temptation must be great when in order to obtain your driving permit involves jumping so many hurdles.

However, I have retired from the business of assisting people because the volume of applicants who wanted my service simply didn’t warrant me providing it. The conventional advice when buying a house is, first, find a good lawyer to represent your interests. Most people ignore that because it adds a cost. When they get in trouble, then they seek a really good lawyer to help them, although often it is too late. In my case I suggested a person speak to me first before doing anything else about getting a licence. Far too few took that advice, and paid the price for it. It’s a shame really, but that’s life here in Spain. Try to grin and bear it!

I Love It!

2011-04-03T13:43:00.003+01:00

Don't you just Love It !!

It has been one month since we have had to learn to live with the 110 kph speed limit. I think it’s fair to say that the whole country is amazed at what has happened during the past four weeks. The government said that they were imposing the lower limit as a means to conserve fuel, but we all said that if that worked the government would lose tax revenue at a time when the government needs more income. We were very suspicious that perhaps they were playing at being politically correct while expecting to reclaim the shortfall, and to make even more money in increased fines.

The way that things have turned out is that we have realised a saving in fuel consumption by driving slower, and the expected income from increased fines has not materialised, but rather it has declined by 72%. In the eyes of the government, the driving community can be so bloody irritating!

The icing on the cake is that on March 7th, the implementation date of the new speed limit, no-one, anywhere in Spain lost their life from a traffic crash on that day. Don’t you just love it?

A Sad accident Avoided

2011-03-27T14:27:00.002+01:00

Caution: Cause no Harm!

The day that I wrote this was March 14th, 2011. It is the day that I avoided what would have been one of the saddest accidents, had it happened, and although it would not in any way have been my fault, I would have been devastated to the point where I’m not sure I could have ever got over it. So, I came home and wrote about it right away. The story goes like this. While driving along an empty country road during the day I fought the temptation to put my foot down and sail right along. This was out of habit because being that the road is in the country and that it cuts through many fields of orange trees, there is always the possibility that a farmer will be moving about on his slow tractor.

As I moved along a straight stretch, I suddenly saw a car that wanted to enter the main road from a side road, and in a flash there appeared a small dog that ran out into my path. Obviously the dog wanted to go with its owners in the car. It should have been tied up or secured in the house, but there it was running alongside the car. When the car stopped the dog continued on into the middle of my lane. I had zero time to think about it, and zero time to react, but I wrenched the wheel so that I went into the opposite lane. I missed hitting the dog by only centimetres. In my rear view mirror I saw the driver come out of his car and scoop the dog into his arms and hug it while he burrowed his face in its coat. That’s when I began to tremble and I slowed the car down to a crawl as I tried to regain my composure. This was a carbon copy of two other incidents of accidents that didn’t happen.

One involved a child of about four who was with his father and another man. They were talking and nobody was watching the child, so I thought that I had better do so. Suddenly as I drew close to them the boy took it into his head to run out into my path. He just stood there looking into my lights. It seemed to take the men forever to even notice. That was an accident that wasn’t going to happen with me. The other incident involved a young girl who was riding her cycle with her mother. The mother had changed sides of the road, and was quite oblivious of what the girl was doing. I thought that I should hang back because I was sure she was going to change over as well, probably without looking back. That is exactly what she did and the accident was avoided.

Stupid mother; stupid father; stupid animal owner, stupid adults! I’m not saying that I have never done anything stupid, but it sure feels good when I can make up for other people’s stupidity.

The Greatest Trashing

2011-03-20T13:21:00.002+01:00

What a sad thing to happen to a good car.

This is really a story of Japan’s overwhelming disasters. It goes without saying that the loss of life, both human and animal are of paramount concern, and much attention has been given to these aspects as it should have been.

Thinking with my transport cap on, my attention was drawn to the many stories of motoring calamities. I was watching one scene of the tsunami carrying things downstream. There were several boats, of various sizes, and houses in bits and pieces; but there were also many cars and trucks and buses that were floating upright. I did a double-take as I could not believe my eyes.

My first thought was whether people occupied them. I would rather not imagine what it would be like to be driving along and suddenly to find myself sailing along. Make no mistake, this is as serious as can be, and my sympathy goes to those who met their untimely deaths, and even more so to their living survivors who have no idea of where the bodies are.

There were two incidents that involved extraordinary good luck. The first was the man whose house was swept from its foundation, and he managed to make it to the roof and was swept out to sea where he was found alive and adrift 16 kilometres off-shore, without drinking water or food. I believe that is as far as his luck extended because I think he lost other members of his family.

The second situation concerned a bus full of tourists who were en-route at the time of the earthquake, and just as the tsunami swept in they were travelling in a direction that put them in direct collision, but at the last minute the bus drove up hill that left the waters to rush on past.

They were securely in the hands of the Gods at that minute.

A lower Speed Limit: The Plot Thickens

2011-03-13T15:21:00.003+01:00

They are out to get us!

“The Spanish Government has decided to impose a lower speed limit in order that motorists will use less fuel, thereby saving money.”

My argument was that it is a good idea for motorists to slow down to save fuel as the cost continues on the way up, but do we need a law? Wouldn’t a mere suggestion have been enough for most sensible people? Perhaps, I mused, there’s a hidden agenda.

Well, it’s hidden no longer.

As from the 7th March the following is the case:

Should you exceed 30kph by even one kilometre, (the in-city driving limit) you will be fined 100 euros. (Between 31 and 50 kph.) It’s too bad if your speedometer needs calibrating, that will be your tough luck as the authorities are now taking a zero- tolerance attitude.

There are sliding scales of offences and punishments, such as driving at 81, or more in a 30 kph zone will result in a 600 euros fine, and loss of 6 points. The same formula is set in place for the various other limits, up to and including 110. Of course, there have always been the various limits but drivers along Spain’s roads usually take no notice as we simply do not have the discipline. On one occasion I was stopped for driving at 80 kph in a 60 kph zone. The area was one over which I travelled several times per week, and to make matters worse I had passed four signs along the path warning me that 60 was the maximum. (Bloody cost me 200 euros, a very costly lesson.)

So, this is not about actually simply saving money for the motorists, but rather the government needs to top up the coffers, and as usual governments always look to the soft targets when imposing these types of ex-oficio taxes. It’s true that Spain gets about 20% of its oil requirements from Libya, and while that source has been cut off it will have to roll back demand until the shortfall can be found elsewhere.

The police have been pissed about having had to give up 5% of their pay, so they haven’t been booking people for speeding, so let the radars do it. You pass a radar over the limit and you get a ticket in the mail. That’s all there is to it.

So, they’re out to get you, and this time they’re serious. Come to think of it, they’re out to get me as well. Yikes!!!

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Another Fuel Crisis

2011-03-06T14:55:00.003+01:00

"Speed Kills!"

It’s time once again for “Another Fuel Crisis” caused by any old excuse. The ultimate goal is to rip-off more money from you and me. I can understand that the civil war in Libya is a major cause of a shortage of fuel, but as with everything else to do with the economic crisis, no-one knows nothing! At least this time the excuse has a little more substance to it.

Spain has mandated by law lowering the speed limit from 120 to 110 kph. Most people don’t adhere to the old law, so unless they really do need to save money, that will have no effect whatsoever.

In England and Holland they have mandated by law the increase in the speed limit, from 70 mph in England, to 80 mph; and in Holland from 120 kph to 130, in the interest of improving productivity. (Whatever that is supposed to mean.)

It is a fact that the faster we drive the more fuel our cars require. So, if we feel that fuel is becoming too expensive we will: (a) use the car less; (b) we will car-pool; (c) we will drive at a reduced speed; and (d) we will switch to motorcycles where possible. What we don’t need the government to do is impose those alternatives upon us by law. When we have a lower speed limit to contend with our chances of breaking the law increase, and so does the likelihood of suffering fines.

In considering that the government impose a very high tax upon each litre of gas sold, it seems to me that the government are shooting themselves in the foot. Perhaps they are trying to seem politically correct about worrying about the costs of using so much petrol, while at the same time planning to extract more money from our other pocket through fines.

I think that I fall within the category of drivers who have no problem staying within the 120 kph limit, but when it comes to slowing down to 20 kph, I don’t do so good. These are the limits where the police have so much success in handing out tickets. We are simply not disciplined enough to apply our brakes when entering a go-slow zone. German and Dutch drivers are admirable in that they do have the self-discipline.

As a general rule I always leave home in good time to allow me to drive at 100kph to arrive at my destination with time to spare, and without stress.

I drive a Volvo, so that should tell you a lot about my driving habits, and also, you should know that the optimum speed limit at which your speed –to- fuel usage is best is 90 kph. Between 90 and 100, the usage increases far more dramatically than ten simple kph would suggest.

One other thing to bear in mind: Speed Kills”

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Mountain Driving in Spain

2011-02-27T15:40:00.003+01:00

Lovely but Dangerous

The Montgo Mountain divides Denia from Javea along the coast of Spain, and adds to the beautiful scenery of the area. Recently, my wife and I drove across the mountain in both directions. First she drove, and I enjoyed the scenery, and then I drove on the return trip so that she could also take in the wonderful views. This is a perfect microcosm of mountain driving as it has all the thrill, terror and exciting vistas that you could get from a long drive. But the Montgo is only 7 kilometres, and it has a flat ridge that allows some living space and a wonderful lookout at Cap San Antonio.

Personally, I detest driving in the mountains as the driver has to be so completely focused on the roadway as to make the trip a complete waste of time from his point of view. Your passengers have to describe what they experienced when you arrive at the bar at the bottom. Add to that the fact that I do not really like heights and it becomes clearer of what my problem is.

My friends, who have hiked other mountains show me their pictures of cars that went over the edge and ended up way down below. It would not take much for that to happen, especially as so many idiots seem to think that the very winding, narrow roads are some form of racetrack. If you are the careful driver you can expect to be overtaken on blind bends. What is going through these people’s minds? My description for them is : people with excrement for brains.

I had turned off the main road on the Montgo to drive out to the lighthouse on the point. Evidently I was not driving recklessly enough for the mother with her children in the car behind me as she overtook me on a bend in the road and she could not see whether anything was coming towards her. As I arrived at the parking area she was opening her doors and her children were piling out of the car. Why was she in such a hurry? Nothing much changed in the views even while we were there.

As beautiful as these passages are, I would rather walk them than drive them. I must state that the first time that we drove the Montgo was in the year 2000. We didn’t know what to expect, and it came as a really big surprise that the roadside was on fire. That was apparently caused by someone throwing a cigarette butt into the bush. We had no warning, and we could not turn around and go back.

I never forgot it!

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

A Girl and a Motorcycle

2011-02-20T13:53:00.003+01:00

Sexy!

For many men, and I’m tempted to say probably the vast majority of men, the two images that strike a chord with us are a beautiful woman, and a beautiful motorcycle. Men are made to respond to the visual, and sometimes we get confused as to which is supposed to do more for us, motorcycles or women when they are put together.

I have been on great motorcycle rides on a Honda Goldwing, and even on much lesser bikes, and the competition between women and bikes must surely be a subject of intense interest to anthropologists. I have rallied with small bikes of 125 cc or even less, and the competitive spirit is in evidence. Mainly we have the men riding and their women holding on tight, perhaps tighter than necessary for safety reasons. When the size of the bikes move up to the 500 cc range the effort on the part of the women also steps up to win the attention of their guys.

Although I ride with clubs on 1500 cc Goldwings, the mindset is a little different because these clubs are gentlemen’s clubs. What the women have to do in order to stay on the radar of their men is to pay a lot of attention to the bike. It becomes a shared passion. To avoid being left at home a Goldwinger’s wife simply has to learn everything she can about the bike, and to take an interest in its upkeep and maintenance.

Such owners are almost religious in the worship they pay to their bikes. The bike must not be taken out on a rainy day, nor on a day that is overcast. During the cold and rainy Winter months the bike is kept indoors, preferably in the living room. The paint job is usually immaculate and shiny, and I suspect a lot of the bikes are also kept covered.

If you really want to see one of these men in uncontrollable tears, damage his bike.

Meanwhile, over in the Harley Davidson camp, things are a little different. Harley riders are a more-hardy breed. The extreme clubs like Hell’s Angels ride Harleys. You cannot be an Angel on a Goldwing. The clubs that cause all the bad press are all likely to be riding Harleys. This all has nothing to do with the Harley manufacturers, but the hard asses tend to drift toward this brand.

To simply watch a Harley rally is something else. One of the images that are stuck in my mind is that of a group of bikers that showed up at a rally with their chicks on the back. The girls were wearing, if you can call it that, a couple of handkerchief-style pieces of material that left nothing at all to the imagination. These girls were serious about getting the attention of their men, and everybody’s else’s, and keeping it. What a sight that was to behold.

Trust me to think about something like this: I thought that was all very well, but I hoped that they didn’t fall off because there would be an awful lot of skin to get scruffed up.

As the weather begins to mellow the time has come for rallies all throughout Europe. These can be quite impressive and a lot of good clean fun for the various clubs, but until you have been a participant in one of the big rallies in the United States where the number of bikes in attendance will be 30,000 or more, you, or I haven’t lived yet.

Just have a very good scientific way to find your bike when you want it.

Formula One Practise

2011-02-13T13:32:00.003+01:00

Formula One Practise week in Cheste

I made good on my promise that since Formula One were practising in the racing circuit next door to my town, I would go along and catch some of the action. In spite of the time of year the weather could not have been more accommodating over the three days from February 1st to the 3rd. It was as though someone had taken the sun and given it a good polishing so that it really did shine brightly. It became so hot that we all had to shed our heavy coats and sweaters, and more than one person came away with sunburn.

I was quite amazed by the numbers that came to see these guys practise. They were not racing, it was just going around the track, the wrong way for them, to kick-start their skills after the break. The stands were packed and everybody and his brother brought a camera, but the problem was, there was absolutely nothing to take a picture of, unless you had some kind of pass that allowed you up close to the cars.

On the day I attended, the most exciting thing that happened was that one of the drivers did not give sufficient respect to one of the corners and he spun out. The gasp from the crowd was wonderful. Otherwise, the degree of excitement that registered on everyone’s face was about what you get when watching everyday traffic.

Still, all the big names were present going through their paces and it was good to be back in the season. On a sad note, we could not have had any idea that we were seeing Mr. Kubica’s last Formula One performance for some time. We wish him a full and speedy recovery.

With an uneventful experience from the track I feel I must complain about something. Having arrived fairly early and parked where directed, as usual I walked away from my car without taking any notice of where I had parked it. At that time there were very few cars there. However, everybody and his brother came later and totally overwhelmed the car park, so finding my car took the better part of about 25 minutes of walking up and down and around and around looking for a black car in a sea of black cars. Had my car been stolen I would not have known it until very late in the day.

Even if I had wanted to be more careful there were no section notices. However, security takes the prize for just plain stupidity. It seems that they had some kind of criteria about what could not be taken into the stands, but they set-up their checkpoint after the tickets sales, and about as far away from where you left your car, to stop you and to tell you that you could throw your stuff into their massive container. Bloody fools! A really great way to spoil one’s day out.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

In Court in a Foreign Language

2011-02-06T14:24:00.002+01:00

In Court in a Foreign Language-Fascinating

I recently appeared in Court in Spain because on the 14th October, 2009 I was travelling on my motorcycle into my local town. I was entering into a one-way street going into the town, when much to my surprise I encountered a car coming out, travelling the wrong way on this street.

I braked very hard to avoid a crash, but the rear wheel slid on some sand and the bike fell over to the left trapping my leg under it. As the full weight of the bike and myself came down the leg broke. It had been one year and a little more than 3 months since that incident, and the time had come to conclude the matter.

My case took forty-five minutes of Court time. There was the lady judge and her stenographer and a court usher. There was my lawyer, who speaks very little English. The lawyer for the other side was present, and I had a translator by my side.

I was asked to describe the events on the day, which I did in English, and that was translated for me. After I gave my Deposition my lawyer asked me several questions. I did not have a witness so it came down to my word against the driver of the car. I was asked how I could be so certain that the number of the car was so as I said it was, and I explained that the driver of the car was asked to move his car to one side, and at that moment I had the presence of mind to write down the car’s number while the car was before me. I produced the notepad on which I did that, and it was examined at length.

The other lawyer asked me only three questions, to the relief and delight of my lawyer who later said that was because the other lawyer was afraid of what I might say. The car owner was then asked whether he agreed with anything that I had said, or that he confirmed that he was the person in his car who had caused the accident. He said that he was not the one, and that he had never seen me before.

He did help me by admitting that he had visited my village, but not on the day in question, and we both agreed that the colour of his car was brown, although I said it was light brown and he said it was dark brown. Unfortunately I didn’t take a picture of the car and driver at the time, but I had a broken leg. I have no problem with my description of the car, and when he drove away the car went in the direction of his town. But, I think they were trying to confuse me because the man who appeared in Court was not the person who drove the car on the day.

I remember that person as fitting another description, but the man in Court owned the car. That could have been something like if my son borrowed my car and had a problem for which I later appeared in court.

In any event we fully expected a denial from him because he committed two offences on that day. Firstly he was driving the wrong way along a one-way street. Given the appalling street signage in the town that would be very likely unless you really knew the place. Secondly, he left the scene of the incident without sharing information with me, or without even speaking to me to see if I was injured. You would be a very extraordinary person to admit to such offences.

The point of all this is to say that a lot of things are said that are completely not understood by the foreigner, things that are being said about you that affect your possible character. I was told afterwards that the other lawyer was saying that I was lying and that I only wanted to get some money because I was an immigrant. After he had spoken the judge asked me what was my profession and I told her that I am a retired accountant and that changed the colour of the other lawyer’s face.

I was on the correct side of the court in this case. The judge has to decide whether she wants to award compensation to me as prescribed by law, against the owner of the accused car. It’s not possible to tell what the lady was thinking when we left the court, and we shall have to wait and see. I would not want to ever have to go to court for something that I had done in this country, or even in my own country.

I think I have a little sense of the discomfort that people must feel when answering charges in a foreign court far from home. This begs the question: why do people walk into a foreign country carrying drugs? As the saying goes, “when you’re busted over there, you’re in for the hassle of your life.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Formula One Next Door

2011-01-30T14:59:00.002+01:00

Formula One Next Door -Simply Fabulous!

I live in a small pueblo in Valencia named Pedralba. We are way out of town in the mountains where nothing much happens and life is a leisurely stroll. I’m not complaining because I happen to think it is as close to Heaven as one can get on earth. However, our next-door neighbour is a pueblo named Cheste which is home to racing fans from all over the world. A lot of things take place there from time to time, most of which I ignore, but on February 1, 2nd, and 3rd, there will be Formula One racing practices ahead of the new season.

If I were to ignore that and I failed to attend even one day, what would be your verdict about my sanity? I have been a critic of such an expensive form of sport during these very difficult times. I’m not even a great fan of the sport, but organisers can’t be more helpful to me to be able to watch really fine driving. They have brought it right to my front door. I’m sure a lot of you will be saying “No way, Jose!” But it is true, so I will go along, prepared to be secretly thrilled.

The venue is the Ricardo Tormo Racing Circuit. It is a 4-kilometre course that hosts many and varied events, including primarily motorcycle racing, 50 c.c, 125 c.c and 250 c.c. Also touring car racing and of course, Grand prix racing. Formula One racing in Valencia is done in the streets of the City, but the track is heavily used for practice.

The normal direction of racing is contrary to Formula One that goes the reverse order, and this places an extra strain on drivers from the G-forces that pull and push neck muscles, but somehow they do manage. It is a very challenging course that does allow speeds to 300 kph.

The Circuit was inaugurated in 1999, and it takes its name from a giant in motorcycling racing, Ricardo Tormo. He was one of Valencia’s favourite sons who died in 1998 after having lost his battle with leukaemia.

The Ricardo Tormo Racing Circuit is a special favourite of speed fans. When they are in town the population of Cheste goes from about 3,000 to about 50,000. It is really something to behold.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Meeting by Accident

2011-01-23T10:30:00.002+01:00

Meeting by Accident- Such a sad story.

This will be a very sad story about two beautiful and good people who met by accident. One person is a 16 year-old male student, and devout Seventh-Day Adventist who had been attending a religious rally on the day in question. He was on his way home riding his moped when he met the lady.

The lady was a 37year-old woman who held a job of great significance, and was a person who provided voluntary service to the community. On the day in question she spent the afternoon and evening at a downtown hotel, presumably with at least one friend, but probably with friends where she had copious amounts of alcohol to drink that put her two and a half times over the legal driving limit when she got in her car to drive home.

I will pause here to point out that in a society that I will describe as being a liquid one, in that people habitually drink to excess, it is not all that unusual for people to do as this young woman did, and the road death toll reflects this. It just means that the lessons are yet to be learned and a lot of people will die needlessly in the future until the penny drops.

To return to our story, as this lady “drove” her car fate brought the two people together. Our imaginations would need to work overtime to calculate the number of people she missed along the six-mile course she had travelled until she reached this point. Her car crossed over into the oncoming lane and ran headlong into a stone-wall and flipped over, landing on top of the moped and rider. It continued on and flipped again landing again on its roof. The woman was pulled from the car and taken to hospital, by ambulance, where it was determined she was suffering from minor injuries to her hand and leg.

It was only later that the young man was discovered in a very grave state. She had no idea that she had hit someone. This is what her afternoon of drinking and then driving inadvertently caused::
v He was found barely clinging to life.
v He suffered damaging head wounds and concussion that have left him with permanent intellectual deficit and memory loss.
v He sustained fractures to his jaw, collarbone, and hip.
v He suffered two broken legs.
v His wrist was broken.
v His lungs were damaged causing him respiratory pain and difficulty in breathing.
v He suffered lacerations to other parts of his body, too numerous to mention.
v He has spent three months in the local hospital, and a further month in an overseas rehabilitation clinic.
v He was a good and promising sportsman, but he will never be able to return to sports.
v His future is uncertain.

Her only defence was that she was totally drunk at the time she dropped her car on top of him.

The Court had some difficulty in dealing with the case because she is fundamentally a model citizen, (which is not to say that she had never driven before while impaired by alcohol), but she had no prior convictions against her for anything.. She is a very beautiful woman and no-one took any pleasure in sending her to jail. She realises the seriousness of her actions, and I think that when she is released from prison in one year’s time she will try and help her victim in any way that she can. I also hope that she will receive all the help that she needs to try and pull her life back together.

Her life is ruined in the country where this incident took place. It is also probably ruined in her own mind. She appears to be a person of conscience so will never be able to run away from herself. She said in open court that she hopes her story will resonate within the community so that people learn from it. The judge told her “despite all the good deeds you may perform, it only takes a moment to destroy it all.”

Her lawyer, whose job was to minimize her penalty, said that he hoped that any jail sentence would be suspended due to the mitigating circumstances of the case.

Such as?

This story certainly resonates with me. It could have been my own story as so many times my car drove itself home in my mad days. I was lucky that we managed to avoid gathering any victims, but that is in itself an accident.

The moral of the story is: “Be Responsible. Drink alcohol OR drive. Not both!”

This is just such a sad story. Take care it doesn’t become your own story.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

A Cause for Celebration

2011-01-16T12:01:00.003+01:00

A Cause for Celebration -Fewer Road Deaths

The results for 2010 are now in and drivers on Spanish roads can take pride in the fact that for another year the number of those whom we lost on our roads dropped from 1,897 in 2009 to 1,730 in 2010. This is a curious reason for celebrating because, make no mistake about it, 1,730 deaths on our roads resulted in 1,730 caskets, funerals, families with broken hearts. Driving is not supposed to confer a death sentence when you go out to the shopping centre, or on holiday.

I know for a fact that many of those deaths were caused needlessly by very stupid drivers because I see them pass me on their way looking for a tragedy to cause. We are learning, but not fast enough. People, both young and old still drink alcohol and get behind the wheel to go home. I know the type of discipline it takes to avoid doing that. It is something that I practice regularly, and now it comes easy to me. However, in the early stages it was the most difficult thing to do.

When everyone around you is drinking and having fun, to be the one who says no to alcohol is tough. Strangely, your host will try to press you to go ahead, have just one, instead of supporting your choice. Now, all my friends know what I’m like, I doubt that they would pour me a drink even if I asked for it. The choice starts with each and everyone of us.

Eventually the support is given because we all know that driving on these roads stone sober is a horrifying enough experience. I think that the next person who says that he did not intend to cause the death of another while driving carelessly, or excessively fast, or under the influence should be beaten with a whip one hundred times.

So, again congratulations to us drivers on Spanish roads! There were 167 fewer funerals to attend during 2010 and 6,947 fewer funerals (in one year) from the year when the highest loss occurred was

8,677.

These are the statistics that say it all!

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

A Drivers New Year Resolutions

2011-01-10T15:39:00.003+01:00

A Drivers New Year Resolutions -2011

New Year’s Resolutions are fun. We make all sorts of promises to ourselves in good faith, knowing that we really should keep our word, but equally knowing that by the end of January things will be back to normal. However, nothing ventured, nothing gained. So, fellow drivers, please join with me in making some promises to ourselves and to each other that may help to ensure that we get to this point again in 2012.

We promise to drive responsibly and with care for the benefit of ourselves and to others.
We will not drive after consuming alcohol or drugs that may impair our abilities.
We will focus our attention on the matter of driving with due care and attention.
We will drive with discipline and courtesy to other road users.
We will be constantly on alert as to what may happen so that we may be prepared to meet the challenge.
We will observe the speed limits as they are generally well thought out.
We will moderate our speed to suit road conditions.

With those promises in mind 2011 could very well be a good year for driving. Best of good luck to each and everyone in 2011.

These are a repeat of the Resolutions that we made in 2010. With practice we may eventually get it right.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Driving on New Year’s Eve

2011-01-01T14:19:00.002+01:00

Driving on New Year’s Eve - Drive Safely

New Year’s Eve is a very strange time of year. Custom has it that we dress up in our finest and spend way beyond our budgets for overpriced goods and services, and eat and drink to excess to welcome in the new year, even though we may not have any idea of what may lie ahead. We do these things completely without thinking and we have all been a part of the madness, unless we are part of a group that does not indulge in such nonsense.

For many years I was at the heart of the event, first working as a waiter to ply my willing guests with champagne, then later as a club manager leading the countdown. When we finally sent the last reveller out into the night I then had to get in my car and drive home. It was always instant justice because I realised that the next driver coming towards me was no longer drinking, he was already drunk. How I survived all those many years can only be summed up as very good luck.

Those were the days when we had no conscience about smoking or drinking. They were the bad old days by comparison with how things are done today. Sure, there are people who continue to do the same old things but at least the authorities are trying to direct behaviour. Here in Spain a zero tolerance attitude is taken towards driving while impaired, and last night every policeman was looking for you if you were driving while impaired by alcohol.

In my native Bermuda we grew weary by the news of the First of January detailing the people who died the night before, and now, every New Year’s Eve the government will pay for the taxi fare to take you home. In spite of many people trying to take advantage by taking a taxi to go from club to club, the program has been incredibly successful.

The new statistics have begun for a new year. This is always a good time for us to make our resolutions, including losing weight and to stop smoking, but also to become more a part of the solution to road madness by doing our best to be better drivers.

I wish each and every driver Happy Highways during 2011 and that life will treat you well throughout this New Year.

Copyright © 2011 Eugene Carmichael

Taking Offence

2010-12-26T14:17:00.003+01:00

Taking Offence -Maintain Self-Control

There is one thing that almost all drivers seem to have in common, and that is the tendency to take offence from the actions of our fellow drivers. Men and women included, we appear to be ready to fly into a rage if the other driver does something to offend us. For some people they get upset if they simply find that there are other vehicles on the road competing for space.

Driving in the cities is an exercise in stress and rage where you are surrounded by arseholes who should have taken the bus or stayed at home. The least little thing can set a person off. The reason I’m writing about this is that I was waiting in my car at a red light when a couple of people wanted to cross just as the light changed to green. They simply looked at me and barged right in front of my car.

I flew into an incredible rage, which had to do with the effrontery of people who had the nerve to usurp my green light time. How dare they! I drove about a block or two swearing at them and upsetting myself. Finally I calmed down, and then I started to realise that was way over the top.

There are many examples of the person behind who loses his patience because the person in front is a slow poke. At the first opportunity he overtakes and cuts in sharply and goes like a bat out of hell.

Two people fighting over the same parking bay is a fight I would buy a ticket to see. I once saw a man and a woman in such a fight. Both of their cars were stopped in a wedge position where he had tried to drive in before she had backed in. They both were adamant they were right and the argument flew thick and fast. Luckily I was a pedestrian, but even I did not have the time to watch that struggle to its end. Presumably that was how they left their cars parked. They probably both got towed.

If you wake up one morning and decide to go on the road to be the worst nuisance that you can be, there would be no end to the things that you could do to upset drivers. I don’t recommend you do any of these things because you may not see the day through.

You could try passing someone at high speed, then apply your brakes to take the next exit, thereby making the car you just passed slow down
Drive at 60 kph in the centre of three lanes. You may well simply get run over.
Try driving along a two-way street while talking on the telephone at a slow speed.
Stop along a country lane opposite your mate’s car and have a conversation.
Don’t give way at a side street, thereby causing the driver on the main road to swerve.
Finally, only because I could probably go on and on with this; enter the main road with the courtesy of the driver who has moved over to allow it, then get in a race with him to make him stay in the outside lane.

As I said, these are approved suicide measures that are practically guaranteed to work.

As the year draws to an end I ask that we all drive carefully and limit or control our celebrations as we welcome the New Year. A really good thing to do would be to promise ourselves as we start each new day's driving that we won't allow ourselves to be offended by others. This is my usual mantra, and on those days that I forget to remind myself, I find that I can get upset.

I wish you all Happy Holidays, and all the best that life can offer you throughout 2011.

City Driving Sucks

2010-12-19T09:00:00.003+01:00

City Driving Sucks - Valencia, Spain

Around the world driving, and parking in cities pose challenges quite different to country driving. In fact, I have come to the conclusion that cities are not meant for driving in at all. I have been researching several cities to get a feel for what the experience is like in each. Today, I will start with my own city, Valencia, Spain.

Sensibly, we live in the outer suburbs of Valencia in the mountains that are a forest of orange trees. Here life is tranquil and idyllic. From time to time I have to make that dreaded trip into the heart of the city. To do so I usually leave the car parked on the outskirts and take public transport, such as the metro or bus to get to my destination.

On rare occasions I brave it and actually drive into the city. My reasoning on those occasions is that time is short and I don’t have the luxury of parking the car and waiting for public transport. Almost always that is a fallacy because if luck is against me I can get caught up in the crush of traffic for very extended periods of time. Even if things flow smoothly, just the stress alone is not worth it.

First, there are the road works. They are constantly tearing up the road to do something perhaps other than to admire the hole they made. It seems to me that they give motorists only a certain period of time to enjoy unimpeded driving, like two weeks, before starting all over again.

Then you get to somewhere in the area where you need to do business and you look for a parking space. There are several underground parking spaces that grow more expensive seemingly by the day. Most people really can’t afford to pay these rates on a daily basis, so they park on the street. If you are really lucky to find an on-street parking spot, as in winning-the-lottery kind of luck, you will find when you get back to your car that another line of cars have been parked alongside yours, effectively locking you in for the foreseeable future.

Supposedly, the drivers will leave their cars in neutral with the handbrake not engaged, but there is always at least one person who doesn’t do that, and everybody gets screwed. What you can do is call the authorities and ask them to come clear away the illegally parked second line. Just don’t let it get out that you were the one who dropped the dime.

For some strange reason, people who do park “in doble fila” thereby making a double line engage their hazard lights that draw attention. When the cars are being taken away hooked up to the tow truck, everybody knows that your car didn’t simply breakdown. They know what you did wrong.

Valencia’s city roads feature several points where there will be a line-up of about eight to ten lanes of traffic that needs to squeeze into two lanes as it crosses the street. Sometimes, to add excitement, interconnecting roads are added to a semi-circular turn; and to top it all off drivers on Spanish roads know absolutely nothing about lane discipline. It is not uncommon to have a driver completely cross all lanes honking and yelling as he goes.

At the time of the city’s greatest fiestas, Las Fiestas de la Fallas” about 600 of the city's roads get closed off. You have to imagine the chaos. I can’t possibly describe it.
Add to all that stress are the boy racers and the death wishers, and the buses and bloody taxi drivers who are convinced they own the road, and by the time you leave the city your nerves will be a wreck.

Here’s the really very curious thing: in travelling into the city in eleven years I have never come upon an accident scene except the one in which I was involved. That happened because I stopped behind a column of cars at a red light and a real prize winning, well-dressed businessman jerk, driving a BMW drove up the back of me because he was talking to his passenger while looking directly at her. This was a man who has excrement where his brain is supposed to be.

When visiting Valencia with the need to get around town, if you bring your car with you I think you should choose a hotel on the outskirts and take public transport always.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

DGT goes High Tech

2010-12-12T12:35:00.003+01:00

DGT goes High Tech -Now speeding tickets on-line.

You and I are cordially invited to sign up to the Direcion General de Trafico on-line as a means of modernising the service. In the fullness of time they intend that this will be a means of reminding owners when the time is due for your ITV test; your insurance renewal, or that road taxes are due.

However, to begin with they will use the service as a means of notifying a driver that a traffic ticket is outstanding against the car. The method of doing this has been notification through the mail and on the Official Bulletin. For most foreigners we have not the slightest idea of where to find the bulletin, so we have to wait to receive notice through the post.

Most people have no clue that there may be a ticket outstanding, which could have arisen from any number of things, like passing a radar box a little too fast, or talking on the phone and being spotted by an officer.

My faith in the authorities to properly inform me of things I need to know is sadly lacking, especially given my last encounter.

We received a letter through our post box that stated that the authority tasked with bringing in taxes for trash collection has tried on several occasions to contact us, but evidently without success. They were trying one last time to notify us that the tax was due and would have to be paid with the penalty for late payment included. Failure to do so would lead to even higher penalties and would involve the tax authority, Hacienda.

Lying bastards!

All they had to do was address a letter to us at our post box and we got it. They simply waited until the time period when they could add a penalty, thereby boosting the council’s coffers. We all know that town councils are hard pressed for cash, but this is taking things too bloody far.

I have known people who found that they had a ticket that was outstanding for years, and it only came to light when they sold their car and tried to transfer ownership. That is when they discovered that a ticket written today can be like a bond. In many years from now it could be quite valuable, not for you, but for the government.

So, I think this might be a good thing, that if I do have a ticket outstanding then I need to know about it immediately so that I can deal with it.

For more information go to http://www.dgt.es/

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Dangerous Driving

2010-11-28T15:46:00.002+01:00

It's Dangerous Driving-Stay Safe

Driving is one of those simple things that we take for granted, in that whatever country we live in, we drive in, even if it’s the most dangerous country in the world to get behind the wheel of a car. We compound matters when we decide to take a driving holiday, even if it means going from a safe country to one where they are all mad. We just don’t think about it.

I was looking up some statistics of road deaths per 100,000 population. These are figures from the mid 1990s, and I’m sure things have changed one way or the other, but in considering the list of worst cases, the Spanish will tell you that it is no surprise to see that Portugal was at the top of the list with 24.9 road deaths per 100,000. That still did not deter Spaniards from taking a driving holiday to Portugal. See what I mean?

Greece was second with 23.3; Venezuela was third with 22.3; The Russian Federation was tied with Venezuela, although it was ranked as fourth. Cuba was fifth with 18.3; Poland was next with also 18.3; and Mauritius was seventh with 17.8.

Colombia, in spite of its notorious reputation for drug running was number eight with 17.4, although a whole lot more people died at the hands of the cartels. Hungary was ninth with 17.0 people per 100,000, and number ten was Slovenia with 14.3. Spain, with it shameful track record in the mid 1990s didn’t make it into this list, which tells us a lot about the actual numbers of people who died on the roads of the countries on the list.

What about the list of the ten safest countries? Who gets the grand prize for keeping its citizens the safest?

You won’t get any prizes for guessing the country at the top of that list. It was Sweden, of course, the maker of the Volvo. They lost only 5.7 people out of every 100,000 to death on the road. That is remarkable considering the kinds of Winters they endure.

They were followed by The Bahamas with 6.1, and the U.K. were third with 6.2. From here it continues to get worse with Norway, 6.6, The Netherlands with 7.7, and Finland with 7.9. These are all cold countries that require driving on ice, but they don’t make the Volvo. (Yea, I own a Volvo.)

At number 7, Trinidad and Tobago came in with 10.3. They don’t have ice, except in their rum and coca colas, and if you are sipping a cool one while listening to the steel band you might become a little distracted. I’m not saying that is what people there do, but it would be good advice not to do that.

For number eight we have to go to Canada with 10.4, and then Israel with 10.6, and finally at number ten we have Australia who are actually tied with Israel.

So, where was Spain in all this? Presumably, somewhere between 10.6 and 14.3.

In 2005, it seems that the road death rate in The United States was 14.71. That was approximately 43,510 persons, but in subsequent years the picture has become more encouraging as deaths have declined down to 33,808 in 2009. That’s 11.01 per 100,000 people. Interestingly, we are seeing the same decline here in Spain that has changed from the bad ole’ days of over 6,000 to last year’s result of 1,897.

We are all holding our breath that the number will be less than that for 2010. Keeping in mind that no-one really has to die just for getting behind the wheel or on a motorbike, the death of just one person is one death too many. It means that some family, somewhere has their lives turned upside down because a member of their group didn’t come home.

Drive carefully. Preserve your life for the people who love you!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

The Police Helicopter

2010-11-21T15:32:00.003+01:00

The Police Helicopter - On patrol from above.

I was leaving my housing estate when I came to the exit. Across the road was a huddle of police officers from all three divisons, the Guardia Civil, the National Police, and Policia Local. I have never understood the difference between the National Police and The Guardia Civil, and I haven’t found anyone who knows. The Policia Local confine themselves to their own town and their activities are limited, but I thought that the Guardia Civil did everything else.

As I drove up to the exit I stopped to put a CD in the player, but the police looked at me as though I might have been reluctant to pass them. When I was ready I set off without being challenged by them, and as I drove within the speed limit I enjoyed the music. I usually drive within the speed limit so there was nothing unusual about that. That stretch of road is a severe temptation for speed freaks because it is very straight, but narrow and accommodates two-way traffic but I don’t feel the need for speed these days.

There have been some serious crashes along that road because of the reason of speed. I always fear that if I am speeding and overtaking I will collide with either an animal that wanders onto the road, or a vehicle will enter the road while I am on the wrong side, so I have always resisted the temptation.

I was nearing the end of the stretch when I suddenly noticed overhead the police helicopter flying a path that coincided with the road, and more importantly he had been following me. He went on ahead of me then did a wide turn and went back the way he had come. It was then that I passed the group of police that would have stopped me if they had instructions to do so from above.

I was listening to music so the chance of me hearing the helicopter was nil. My windows were wound up and the music was blasting as I was listening to a very powerful piece. This was the first time I had ever been the centre of attention from the air and I must admit I didn’t like it at all. However, the feeling must be sort of having been shot at, and missed.

The moral of the story I suppose is that Big Brother is watching when we least expect. We know about the cameras and the radars along the road, and the police who lay in wait, but surveillance from the air is truly something else.

Be aware and ever vigilant. They’re out to get you!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Top Gear

2010-11-14T11:50:00.001+01:00

Top Gear

This is a television program that stars Jeremy Clarkson. I mention it in case you are one of the very few people who did not know that. I am at a loss to describe the show from the standpoint of being a critic because I look forward to each episode, even though it really is a very silly show. It’s a show about cars, and Jeremy and his associates do the most outrageous things in them, and with them, and they say the most preposterous things in criticising certain makes of cars, all, it seems with the agreement of the car manufacturers.

The current season aired the last program, and that left the cast very sad. I must confess that I am sad also, not because it was real quality television, but because I liked it even though I am hard put to explain why. However, the one thing about which I am not confused is the fact that my son and I watched the program together, and there are precious few things that a father and his son get to do together these days.

I’m fairly certain that Jeremy Clarkson did not set out to bring fathers and sons together, but it does work, so that’s a good thing. The fact that the last show of the season featured the ultimate petrol-head in the world, Jay Leno, who owns more than 240 cars was a real thrill.

Now, bring on the re-runs.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

A Whole new World of Electric cars

2010-11-07T17:25:00.004+01:00

A Whole new World of Electric cars - very exciting!

In my last column I wrote about the phenomenal development of Vislab’s driverless cars that covered 15,000 kilometres driving themselves. Now we need to turn our attention to serious advances in electrically driven cars, and cars that drive on compressed air.

Many columns ago when I was addressing yet another crisis at the pump, I assumed that there were all manner of new developments under wraps somewhere. After all, there are huge investments in the fossil fuel driven industry, and it was my suggestion that there are probably some very good ideas that are collecting dust because their time had not yet come.

Now we are seeing the toll on the atmosphere caused by the damage from burning fossil fuels, and that is bringing forward the need for “new” technology. It’s about time, and I think we are in for some mind-boggling developments.

We already have the hybrid, and in spite of some teething problems the idea is very practical, especially for taxis. A large proportion of their jobs take them within the city, and city driving is perfect for electrical motors. The first big advantage is the reduction of contamination from exhaust fumes. For the driver, it is a cheaper cost to make the trip, and that allows for a greater share of the fare to remain in his pocket.

The thing that excites me is that so many companies are now rolling out their concept cars. If you check the picture gallery on the internet you will find seventy pages, each containing twelve pictures of various designs, some of which are very futuristic. Some of the names I saw were: Toyota, Nissan, Honda, Ford, that may offer three models; Mitsubishi, Chrysler, that may offer a version of its Dodge Ram truck as an electric; Volkswagon, General Motors, and companies called BYD, CODA, THINK, and Fisher Karma.

Many of the models are hybrids that are important for people who do long distance driving. The electric motor will carry you within the city, saving the gas guzzling for
Out of town. But many are pure electric, and they are often designed for parking in very confined spaces. Frankly, it is for this reason alone that I would buy at least a hybrid if the car were small enough to allow me to park downtown.

Another thing that is exciting is that of driving a car that is powered by compressed air. It surprised me that this technology was around even before the internal combustion motor, but is now starting to be given the respect it deserves.

As a pure green machine it does not meet the mark because in order to obtain compressed air the burning of fossil fuels is necessary to produce the electricity. However, while running it produces absolutely no emissions at all, and helps tremendously in the air that we breathe.

So, the good news is that a whole new host of new stuff is coming down the pike and the world of motoring just got a big kick where it matters. Standby to watch the passing parade, and hopefully be a part of the mission to lower the pollution rate of our world.

It’s the only world we have!

Cars that Drive Themselves

2010-10-31T17:01:00.004+01:00

Cars Move On

On the occasion of turning fifty I wrote a two-page column that I entitled “The First Fifty years.” That was twenty-one years ago. In that piece I looked back over my fifty years, including warts and all and declared that so far was so good. I was a father and a grandfather, so I was happy. And then, in a flight of pure fancy I stuck my neck out and tried to envisage what life might grow to be like in the next fifty years.

A couple of my political suggestions have come to be fact, and while I tried to be broad based some of my thoughts might turn out to have been a little wild. However, one of my wildest thoughts to do with driving is now actually a fact: the motorcar that drives without a human, along a normal road.

In a spectacular experiment over a three-month period, (but fifteen years in preparation) a group formed between an Italian company called Vislab and the University of Parma, set four driverless Piaggio Porter minivans on a successful path between Italy, through Belgrade, in Eastern Europe, and through Russia and China, to the city of Shanghai on the Eastern shore of China, a journey of some 15,000 kilometres. I am frankly surprised that this feat of engineering has not been met with the same enthusiasm from the media as the Moon Landing, as it signifies a breakthrough of that importance.

What I saw in my vision was a solution to the mayhem that is caused by entrusting the driving to humans. I reasoned the only solution is to have cars drive themselves along pre-planned paths to the supermarket of your choice; or the bank, or to work, etc. I did not envisage that it would be possible to do this over a distance of 15,000 kilometres. I especially did not see that this could be achieved without using one drop of gasoline or diesel. Yes, this was done by using electric cars!

Each minivan was equipped with six laser scanners, seven cameras; GPS, and on-board computers. On their roofs there were installed solar panels for the recharging of batteries, although the panels were not adequate, so a companion generator truck kept batteries topped up.

The first hurdle the team encountered was that almost all countries have written within their laws that it is unlawful to operate a vehicle along the highways without a driver. Now, what do you suppose made lawmakers include that one on the books? Provided that an actual person was sat behind the wheel, permissions were given for the experiment to proceed.

The trip was deliberately designed to test the cars with the extremes of heat and cold, dry and wet, wind and snow, and pedestrians. As with normal driving, there are some conditions that will defeat all moving things, and the robotics didn’t very much like heavy rain and blinding snow. Neither do I, so I can emphasize. However, the director of the project, Alberto Broggi, seems to be very satisfied that the software ran exceptionally well, and the hardware was spot-on. They have identified the weak points and will rollout new versions when they mount the second test in 2012.

This is such an exciting project, the future technological developments arising from it are hard to anticipate. To have had four vehicles drive 15,000kilometres each, that’s 60,000 kilometres without major incident, and without a human controlling the car is mind blowing. The only accident came when a journalist accidentally disabled a function that made the car drive gently into a wall.

The only fine came when a policeman would not believe that the experiment had the official blessing of his government. This was because the cars were in a pedestrian only zone being tested among pedestrian traffic. When he discovered that the vehicles were driving themselves he wanted to write a sanction that was double that of what it might otherwise have been.

See what I mean about how man can pretty much screw up just about everything?

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Nude while Driving

2010-10-24T16:26:00.003+01:00

Nude while Driving - No actual pictures available. Pity that!

You have to wonder what people are thinking when they are found operating a vehicle while improperly dressed, or engaged in improper activities. True, amorous couples get up to all sorts of things while in transit. Just ask any taxi driver. Recently a man was found to be committing masturbation while driving through the city of Valencia during the day. I’m sure that was part of a bet.

Lately, the police came across a man who was riding pillion on a bike while completely nude. Judging by his reaction he was under the influence of drink, but that does not excuse his behaviour, it just makes it worse. How drunk does one have to be to strip off all your clothes and go out in public?

At this moment I'm thinking about all those people who do strip off all their clothes and go out in public, completely sober to register some form of protest or another, but that, as "they" say is another story.

The police stopped him and tried to get a straight answer, but he was violent and abusive to the point of being funny. The police played their part in the comedy by asking for his identity. You get no prizes for guessing what he used for his id card.

Sometimes the best comedy is no farther away than your daily paper.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Dangerously Stupid People

2010-10-17T16:02:00.004+01:00

Dangerously Stupid People

There are entirely too many dangerously stupid people behind the wheels of cars and trucks on the roads of Spain. I mean people who are not just reckless for the sake of being reckless, but people who are so stupid that they don’t realise that they are so.

I don’t know what nationality these people are but these are some of their driving habits:
- They drive from side roads onto main roads by only stopping when they are far enough out into the road to see whether anything is coming or not. I encountered one of them a short time ago. The man was entering the main road from between two buildings that completely blocked his view. By the time this idiot could actually see half of his car was protruding into the street. We did not have a crash because I was aware of the exit and of the habits of some of these drivers, and only because the other side of the road was free of traffic that allowed me the space to anticipate the thing that happened. Otherwise I would have crashed broadside into the lunatic. He looked at me as though I was invading his space.
- They drive through stop signs as though they do not exist. It seems that they assume that the sign does not pertain to them. However, even worse, I have come to realise that many of the old time Spanish drivers are completely unaware of what the sign means. They never took a theory exam, and stop is not a Spanish word, so they could argue that they do not know its meaning, although they could reasonably guess by the shape of the sign and its position.
- People who park their vehicles on opposite sides of a narrow road next to an exit. They simply have no consideration for anybody as the person exiting the side road cannot see if there is any traffic, and the cross traffic is forced into a single lane, so the set-up is complete for a crash.
- People who drive their vehicles along the autopista while chatting away at less than sixty kph. Sixty is the legal minimum speed, but even that will bring vehicles from behind travelling at 120 kph dangerously quickly upon them. Meanwhile these dopey people are smoking and talking as though they were at home in their living rooms.
- So many people think that just because they are situated in the far left lane it should not be a problem if they want to go off to the right, and proceed to cross over five lanes of traffic without a care in the world. This is the manoeuvre that absolutely takes my breath away and should win first prize in the dumb and dumber sweepstakes.

The only thing that is of any comfort is that they will soon be gone, killed in action. The bad news is that they will likely take someone else with them. We can only hope that the second person will be another Dangerously stupid Person.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Stereos on Wheels

2010-10-10T15:49:00.002+01:00

Stereos on Wheels

Who do we hate the most? We hate the guy driving his stereo on wheels as he comes into our space, and he is blasting his sound system, particularly his mega bass. The system cost him many thousands of euros, so he wants to share his sound with everybody he can.

He is grooving on the latest track from his favourite artist and he is absolutely certain that you will appreciate even a short sound bite.

Wrong!

There is not much that beats loud sounds that interrupt our relative peace and quiet to royally piss off most people. Firstly, he is the only one to fully appreciate the full sound. For those of us on the sidewalk we get the bass. We may even get the high notes, and we have to put the rest together in our minds, if we know the song.

One such terrorist from the neighbourhood decided that he wanted all his neighbours in their condos to hear his concert. He waited until evening time when people were having their meal. He opened all the doors of his car, including the boot, and he pumped up the volume that shook people’s plates on the table.

There was much shaking of fists and yelling from the balconies, which he took as “Go man, go!” He couldn’t actually hear what they were saying as the music was blaring. Finally the police were called in and they heard for themselves, and said something like “ Ostraa! That’s bloody loud.” They approached the car and turned the damn thing off and wrote the guy a ticket for deliberately disturbing the peace.

He went to court and was surprised to get a royal ticking off from the judge about respecting the reasonable rights of his neighbours to peace and quiet. He was then given his punishment: a fine of 2,400 euros, and he was advised that the judge had the latitude to vary the fine between 600 euros and 6,000 euros. If he should ever appear before the courts again for a similar offence it would be easy to guess what the fine would be.

Believe it or not, this happened in Valencia, the noise capital of Spain.

Anybody want to buy a secondhand sound system? It’s really good!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

The Devils Own Roads

2010-10-03T11:14:00.005+01:00

Danger awaits along The Devils Own Roads

There are a number of roadways that were designed by the devil himself, simply for the purpose of bringing drivers to grief. They exist all over Spain, and probably in other countries as well, but the road authorities will not admit to their existence, because then the public will demand that the problems that they present be corrected.

What a bloody shame that to sue the bastards would be an exercise in futility. Imagine that, to be cavalier as you wish without any real possibility of redress.

I recently wrote about car crashes along straight roads, and I put it down to inattention, but I have found out the hard way that there can be another culprit: there are all those roads that are narrow and that lack a barrier. Vehicles find themselves come to ruin because when two vehicles are passing, it is very likely that if your judgement is just a little bit off and you drift too far to the right you will simply fall off the freaking road.

You cannot have any real idea of where you are, and all it takes is for the front right hand side wheel to slip off the tarmac and in the ditch you go. This happened to my son along a strip of road that claims at least one unlucky vehicle a week, according to the personnel at the nearby service station and the recovery vehicle driver.

The farm owner showed up to survey the latest “damage” to his rusty and ripped fence. He said that the government wants to buy a strip of his garden to widen the road, but he doesn’t want to sell. I suppose the situation will persist until someone is killed, and probably even beyond, as this situation should have been rectified long ago. However, no-one will make the necessary move to make a compulsory purchase.

In reality, these types of road systems are ancient and were made to serve horse and cart traffic, or at best they served Seat 600 toy cars. However, today all manner of traffic can be expected, including the very large buses and trucks. It is just a matter of time before a bus will meet a truck and they will both fall off the road into the ditch.

Such roads as these are best avoided at all costs, even if a long detour is involved. To travel along them may incurr a cost too great to bear.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

The Go-Slo Guardia

2010-09-26T13:01:00.003+01:00

Police on the Go-Slo

The only reason this is news worthy is because it involves a de facto strike by part of the nation’s police service, and that can only mean a little bit of a slide towards anarchy. The Guardia have had their salaries cut by 5% as part of Spain’s austerity program. At the same time drivers have been warned that our behaviour on the road is being closely monitored and that we will likely be fined for things that we got away with before. This is because town halls are suffering with cash shortages.

However, the police feel hard done by in the loss of part of their salary. On top of that they are being asked to work harder to bring in money from any source that they can, and they have decided they are not having it.

To see the political head of their department castigating the officers for not writing tickets is a little disturbing, and a little sad. I suppose that as a driver I feel somewhat relieved not to be under such intense vigilance from the standpoint that someone is just waiting for me with his pen poised, but I hope it doesn’t lead to people relaxing their sense of responsibility.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Valencia: Big Brother is Watching!

2010-09-19T15:23:00.004+01:00

Valencia: Somebody is watching your every move!

The news this week is that the department for traffic flow in Valencia have completed the setup to monitor traffic over 300 kilometres of roadway in the province on a 24/7 basis. There are now 700 cameras watching our every move. That could be both good and bad. Good from the standpoint that reckless and dangerous driving will be seen in real time and a police car will be sent to rein the offender in. Good also because where there has been a crash, one where it could be his word against yours, the truth can now be backed up by the tape.

This is especially important for those crashes that take place on roundabouts. We are notoriously bad at lane discipline. It is a wonder that there are not more “accidents” due to wrong-lane placements.

You have to wonder what the driver, who is in the extreme left hand lane is thinking when he wants to go to the right. With 50 monitors the live and unrehearsed images are played out around the clock, so very little will escape the attention of Big Brother.

I consider myself a fairly responsible driver, but I do make mistakes, especially with traffic lights. I have seen the red on far too many occasions. It’s not something I do deliberately but a mis-timed approach to the lights that are on orange, with a madman on my tail who thinks we should keep going, and I find myself pushed through the red light.

That is a difficult situation because if I do stop that will probably mean a crash into me. There has to be time enough for me to stop and to control the person behind me. I usually don’t have to worry about the driver if it is a she, but guys are something else.

Now I feel doubly uncomfortable in that the roads administrators are watching me commit such an infraction. I have to remember that as I am going through on red someone on the other side is beginning to move off while his light is still red. This is not a good thing. I must say that this is a very rare thing to happen because I am usually moving at a rate that is calm enough for me to stop, as well as to bring the person behind me to a stop as well. But once in a long while it doesn’t quite work out like that.

Should you believe that a tape of your crash can help, you have to obtain a copy from the Sala de Control de Trafico before it is destroyed in 30 days. Good luck!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Disaster on a straight Road

2010-09-12T15:00:00.003+01:00

Don't fall asleep on a long straight Road

I suppose being a trained crash investigator you likely would not be as confused as us laymen when coming upon a crash site. For the general public, it can be very difficult to piece together how something happened. What first appears to be the likely scenario need not be the facts of the matter at all.

For instance, I came upon a scene where there had been a head-on collision on a blind corner. Was it possible that the offending car was taking the corner on the wrong side? I suppose that was possible but it would have been a death wish.

Another road crash happened on a bridge with two-way traffic. It seems that a vehicle, that had been taken away, had side-swiped the right hand side security railing, continued on across the road and slammed into the left railing without involving another vehicle.

How does this happen? It has to involve carelessness. I have seen how some people drive while talking on the phone or talking to a passenger while looking at that person. All it takes is a turn of the head by a very little degree and the hand follows. This happens to the most careful drivers and might involve simply turning the radio or the air-conditioning unit on.

Then there are the super drivers who are indestructible. They whiz in and out of traffic lines, always at speed with the attitude that nothing can harm them. I think I understand this attitude because I have been there and done that. But this type of stupidity is dangerous and probably will cause somebody’s family a lot of grief.

The latest incident that is causing me to scratch my head was a car that I watched being hauled out of the side of the road. The car was a total loss and was completely covered with brown earth. Evidently it had rolled several times grinding up the earth like a farm machine. This happened along a straight stretch of road and within a fairly short distance.

Alice, in her Wonderland would say, “curiouser and curiouser!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

To drive in Paradise

2010-09-05T11:46:00.003+01:00

To drive in Paradise and not be distracted by the beauty.

My island home, Bermuda is truly a paradise. When I lived there the idea would occasionally occur to me, but it strikes me full on when I go back to visit, as I now live in Spain. There are many aspects that I could focus on, but for the time being I want to concern myself with driving.

I have worked at most things in my life, if only for short periods of time. One occupation was that of taxi driver. Whenever I picked up a fare from the airport, if the people were first time American visitors the routine went like this: They would pile all their luggage into the car and off we would go. They would have a conversation about how things went through immigration and customs, and the flight down, and the first sighting of the island and the beautiful blue water. Then they would realise that I was driving on the wrong side of the road and there would be silence.

Then, as though this was a question that everybody rehearsed at JFK airport before they left, somebody would ask :” do you drive on the left side of the road here?” Well, I have been doing so for the past five minutes, so that had better be the rule.

The speed limit is 35 kph. These people have come from a country where the limit is 100 kph, so they are expecting me to reach the main highway so that I can put my foot down. Sorry! It doesn’t get any better than what I’m doing at the moment. Most Americans have double beds that are wider than our roads.

So, imagine conditioning yourself to drive at that speed each time you set out to get someplace. For the foreign driver this is a tough discipline, but for locals it’s no big deal because there is so much traffic on the roads that driving faster is not an option. When I left the island, to be overtaken by another car was a common thing, but in eleven years the lines of traffic have filled in to such an extent that overtaking is no longer possible.

Having said that, you will find all manner and types of cars on the road. Size is the only limiting criteria. Most small versions of Mercedes, Audi, BMW, and other top brands are represented, but it seems like such an abomination to own such a performance car and not to be able to get over 35 kph.

The other noteworthy thing is that everyone seems to be driving a new car. When last I looked there was a busy second-hand car market, but these days almost every car is a fairly new model. One great negative about Bermuda is that, as a small island, salt air plays havoc with cars. Rust is public enemy number one. It is really heartbreaking that the motor may be perfect but the frame is rusting away.

Now I have to really stretch your imagination because we have said that it isn’t even possible to drive faster than 35 kph, but nonetheless the island habitually records about 20 deaths per annum. They occur mostly with motorcycle riders, and I believe alcohol is a factor, but not always. Add to that car and truck drivers manage to drive their vehicles into one another (slowly) due to a lack of due care.

This is a profile of life in the driver’s seat in Paradise. When everybody does their part it is a stress free exercise driving along some of the most beautiful roads in the world, but Bermuda is one of those very liquid societies that likes it drink, especially the Dark ‘n Stormy. That may be fine, but not if you have to drive.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Vacation’s End

2010-08-29T13:29:00.002+01:00

Vacation’s End - Back to Reality!

A Columnist and Blogger is never completely on vacation. In fact, when such people travel away from home we are in reality collecting more experiences and ideas to write about. I have completed a trip to my native Bermuda and the United States, and that has resulted in a head full of future titles.

One of the first things to occur to me is that I have become a reluctant traveller, especially by airplane. I admit that air travel is still the fastest and safest, but what a complete pain in the ass it is. Even before you get to the aircraft itself there is all that hullabaloo over security. We have to practically get naked before they let you into the secure zone. There is a long list of things that you must abandon at the checkpoint, only to be able to buy them at the duty-free.

Then there are the delays and lost luggage and grossly overpriced items in the airport, and the long waits between flights.

On the flight back to Spain I awoke at 6am in The United States, and we made up six hours as we flew through six time zones, and we landed at Valencia at 7:30 am the following day. Throughout that time I didn’t actually sleep, although I closed my eyes for a few hours. I got off the plane, went directly home and straight into bed. My internal system has been totally screwed up ever since.

However, these are the challenges one must endure to make personal contact with family and friends, and from that point of view it was definitely worth it. Part of the reason for going to Bermuda when I did was to be a part of my family reunion. Perhaps as many as five or six hundred members of my direct and extended family made contact under the very best of circumstances. No-one had to die to bring us together, we just got together to celebrate our being-ness over four days, and that is the best reason of all.

Now I am home and back to the reality of one day at a time. It was a wonderful experience and also one that was a little horrifying at times as the whole included discovery, joy, warmth, work, hurricane, murder and multiple shootings that were too close for comfort.

As I have said, I now have a head full of stories to share, so perhaps you might like to stay tuned.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

How Times have Changed

2010-07-24T16:45:00.005+01:00

How Times have Changed for today's Grandfathers

I am a Great Grandfather to Cherrae, the daughter of my Grandson, Ramon. He didn’t warn me that something was coming that was going to knock me off my feet, and by definition would change my status in the world forever, so when it happened it knocked me off my feet. I have not yet met my Great Granddaughter because she lives between Bermuda and America, and I live in Spain, but I will some day.

I recall how mysterious my grandparents were to me. I only got to meet two of them, my grandmother, (my father’s mother) and my mother’s father. They seemed so ancient to me, and I was so totally awed by them that absolute respect was all that I could possibly accord them.

I remember when my Grandmother died. She was lain in repose in her house, a very sombre and dark place, and she was carried off to be buried in a horse-drawn hearse that was black and high off the ground with giant feathers. I was terrified that death was a thing of punishment.

Now, I am the second oldest ranking member of our family and I am the Great Grandfather. When I do get to share some quality time with Cherrae I can only imagine that she will see me as someone who is as old as time itself, although I am the 2010 version of a 71 year old. The story I have to tell her will go something like this:

“Cherrae, how old are you? I’m five years old Great Grandpa. Well, that’s very good because you are just beginning your life. I am 71 years of age, so that means I have lived 66 more years than you. During that time a lot of things have happened that have changed my life, not always for the better, but the one thing that has been constant is change itself.

I know that you are a little young to understand fully what I am telling you, but you will come to understand better as you grow older. When I was your age I lived in a house that had no electricity, no running water, no television, no telephone, no toy computers or real ones either. We children didn’t have game boys or x-boxes to play with, nor could we send sms messages or talk on our mobiles. We didn’t even have Facebook!

The form of family transport that we had was one bicycle. That was for my father to get to and from his work. Everybody else used shank’s pony, which meant that we walked. In our case we had to walk to school along a road that was made with very hard rocks that had been broken by prisoners. During those days if you went to prison once you never went back again when your time was served because you had to work very hard every day. Now the guys, and girls seem to think that going to prison is some kind of paid vacation. In the olden days they didn’t even lock up women.

When I walked to school it was without shoes. No-one, except the rich had shoes. Can you imagine that?

Those were absolutely wonderful days in my life because we lived near the water, and we had tons of open space in which to roam and use our imagination, unlike today when everything is so crowded, and people live in apartments. Even so, people don’t know who their neighbours are.

Eventually things changed and we had better facilities. We moved to another house, and we got electricity, running water and an inside toilet. We got a telephone, but it didn’t do anything unless we called somebody. The big change was when one of the neighbours got a small black and white television. They allowed us, their neighbours to come round to watch it if we sat on the terrace and looked at it through the window. At midnight the station ceased broadcasting by playing the British national anthem, God Save the Queen.

Do any of the tv stations stop broadcasting during the day in the United States where you live?

With our telephone we got a shock one day when we called our Aunt Muriel. She said guess where I am at the moment! We guessed she was in the house answering the phone, but she said that she was answering the phone, but she was outside hanging up clothes at the same time. How could that be? She had installed an extra long wire to her phone. Wow! Now, of course we have mobile phones that allow us to talk to one another while driving our cars. That is not such a good idea, but it can be done.

Perhaps the biggest change to affect the world was when a company called International Business Machines (IBM) introduced a machine for business called a computer. I was encouraged to buy some of the company’s shares when they were very cheap, but I didn’t understand what was going on, so I didn’t buy any. That’s a shame because if I had done so, I most probably would be a trillionaire today, and I could give you a big box full of money.

The computer changed everything about how we lived our lives, and continues to do so today. There are very few things that we do in our lives that are not impacted by the computer. Your own life will have changed so often by the time you become my age. For one thing, when I was born my life expectancy was 47, but I’m now 71, and there is the possibility that I may live to be one hundred. Your life expectancy is 78, but you will probably live to be 130.

I have seen the world change from cars that went very slow to Formula One super fast racing cars. Now we have world racing yachts that zip across the Atlantic, and airplanes that got so big that they are a place unto themselves, and they fly by jets that propel them at fantastic speeds. We live in a world where you never really have to touch money, and information is within a few seconds grasp. In our choices of telephones we have the Blackberry, and something called an iPhone. I won't even go there!

All these things have happened within my life. Hardly anything took place within my parent’s life, so only Heaven can have any idea of what to expect within your life as change keeps coming ever faster.

One of the negative things that have occurred is that technology exists in which a person can always be contactable, whether it’s during meal times, or when you sleep, or are travelling, or worse, when you are on vacation. Mankind was not designed to absorb so much stress. However, if you choose you can unplug everything and feel the stress slip away.

And so, Dear Reader, that’s what I’m going to do for the next month: no internet, no mobile phone, no radio, and no weekly columns. I’m hanging out my “Gone Fishing” sign, and I wish you all a good Summer break.

To be continued in September……..

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Driving Vacations

2010-07-18T14:30:00.003+01:00

Driving Vacations: A long way from the office!

We are in that time of year when we vacate our jobs, or at least our habitual activities in favour of a change of pace. If the country in which you live is large and varied, then the tendency is to pile everyone into the car and head off for a place of interest. Everybody has done this at some time, but really, it is a very curious concept, at least for the principal driver.

The usual five-seater car will include father and mother, and the other three could mean various combinations of children and grandparents. Then they all head out onto the motorways of the world where they all become at risk. The idea is to have fun and to enjoy the scenery, and to return home safe and sound.

The hope is that all who venture out will return home without incident, however, all too often it does not work out that way. Assuming that the man does most of the driving while his wife attends to the children, he has to be a very responsible person indeed not to take the odd beer or two along the way. The most amazing thing is that not all who are tasked with such an enormous responsibility are aware of the gravity. The reports start to come in and the body count mounts. It happens every year, so you think the lesson would be crystal clear by now.

My wish and hope is that this year the numbers will be much lower than they were last year, and last year’s statistics were the best they had ever been.

A driving holiday can be an enjoyable way to pass the time, however, for the driver it means more work until arriving at the destination. As long as everyone does their bit to stay safe these types of vacations can be the most interesting because you are close to the details of the country.

So, enjoy, and remember that the most important thing is to return home safe.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Traffic Free Sunday July 11

2010-07-11T09:27:00.003+01:00

Traffic Free Sunday July 11-What a Glorious Day!

This is a very easy blog to write, because today is the day for the World Cup Finals between Holland and Spain. I am writing this during the morning. This evening will bring about a new world champion and history will be made.

Today, between the hours of 8pm and 10pm Spain will experience something it has never seen before: there will not be one single vehicle on the roads, anywhere within the country. No buses, trucks, ambulances, police vehicles, cars or motorcycles. The complete country is gripped with World Cup fever. Even people such as myself, who normally pay no attention to football will take the time to be glued in front of the television.

It has been a very interesting World Cup. Starting with the fact that it was held in South Africa, a concept that was a non-starter under the National Party government, the hosting has gone well. Security has apparently not been as much of a problem as was anticipated. The infrastructure was ready on time. That provided much needed work for the populace, and the fear that South Africa could not handle the administration was ill founded.

As one young black South African woman said, things have changed. Now she is proud to say she is South African. Under National Party rule she would have been told that was too bad; but now she can say she is from the proud nation that hosted the 2010 World Cup games.

My only regret is that no African team is part of the final. However, Bafana Bafana, the South African team can hold its head high as having played extremely well. It is fitting that a new nation will be crowned World Champion in a new nation to host the games.

So, let the day roll forward and the traffic come to a complete stop. What a day this will be!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Road Works

2010-07-04T11:10:00.001+01:00

Road Works -Cruel and Unusual Punishment

If there is only one thing for motorists to suffer road rage from, it would be road works. When we see that dreaded sign “Men Working” our stomachs turn even just a little, and the thought is uniform: “Oh no!”

If all other industry ceased in the world there would still be road works. If there is a road, someone will think of something that just has to be done that requires digging it up and squeezing traffic into one small lane.

What is driving me to think about this is that in our little town they have torn up most of our road surfaces that were in a bad state of repair, and to the joy of the residents they have put down these smooth black ribbons of new surface for us to cruise effortlessly along on. However, to our dismay, within a day or two another set of men appeared to dig it up again. Granted, they didn’t dig up the whole thing, but they are busy making holes here and there. Townspeople look on with wrinkled brows muttering “¿Que Haces?”

Just when we thought it was safe to relax. Just when we thought we were finally getting some much needed attention from the local Valencian government, they give to us and they taketh it away.

I only hope that they put that all-important top sealer on, otherwise, the pot-holes will soon be upon us. I know that road works are essential. I hate it when the work is done, and I hate it when it is not done.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

A Wholly Avoidable Tragedy

2010-06-27T08:14:00.004+01:00

This did not have to happen!

The night of June 23rd , and on into the morning of June 24th is considered the festival of San Juan, the shortest night of the Summer. Custom demands that all roads lead to the beach from early evening until daybreak. Fires are lit in dugout sand pits, dinner is consumed with lots of alcohol, and a curious ritual is engaged in by jumping over the fires barefoot. At midnight, for good luck everyone goes into the water up the their knees to jump over the first seven waves.

In a word, it’s a time of enjoyment, bonhomie, and goodwill, and generally is marked by an absence of anyone getting hurt. Notwithstanding the fact that part of the leftovers are hot coals smouldering in the sand waiting for bare feet, the clean up is very efficient, so not even that is supposed to end in any kind of medical emergency.

This year was different. A massive tragedy took place, and it was not even supposed to have been possible. A large group of celebrants took the local train to a station alongside the beach in Castellon, got off the train and then did something that common sense says never to do. They needed to cross over to the other side of the tracks, and so they went in front of the train and started to make the crossing.

Someone must have led the way, probably stating out loud with great bravado “come on, we can go this way.” However, given the danger, there is an underground pass built for pedestrian crossing. It means that a person has to go down the steps, and then up again. What a lot of bother for the partygoers. Better to just cross over the tracks even though to step out in front of the stopped train meant doing so blindly.

I imagine that as a large group they felt the power of their numbers to keep the train at a standstill, but they didn’t reckon on the fast through train that they didn’t even see coming. It mowed down everyone in its path, instantly killing 12 people and injuring another 15. The pain and suffering being endured by the families left behind is quite enough without being added to by criticism of the actions of the deceased and injured. It is plain for all to see how this disaster could, and should have been avoided.

What’s done is done, and the only thing of any positive aspect now is to learn the lesson that has so painfully been laid out before us. The taking of reckless risks is always something to be avoided, and all too frequently ends in tears.

For this reason we should always hold the night of San Juan as a reminder to be careful and vigilant in our daily lives. At least that would give some meaning to an event that otherwise would be a complete and utter folly.

Needless to say, the person whose idea it was to cross the tracks most probably survived to look back on the result of his recklessness. I wonder how he is feeling today.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Now for the truth

2010-06-20T18:31:00.005+01:00

When road signs are as clear as the one on the right!

STOP! is not a Spanish word.

What’s the first thing that comes out of our mouths when someone runs a stop sign? Can’t you read?

I have been amazed to have seen many elderly drivers cruise through stop signs as though they just aren’t there. Some of these people were driving top of the line cars, and I gave them credit for being more responsible. If for no other reason they were driving cars that you would normally take care of.

I had not been in the country for long before I saw my first broadside crash. All the people were badly shaken up, so it was no light matter. Eventually it would be my turn to narrowly escape being crashed into, but only because I could hear the car nearing the main road that I was on and it didn’t sound as though it was going to stop; so I did. We ended up with only centimetres to spare between us.

Next, I observed a van driving at about 40 to 50 kph broadside a family car driven by a mother taking her daughter to school. The mother thought she was on a main street with the right of way, but in effect she was driving along an area where the vehicle on her right, (the van ) had the right of way, simply because it was on her right. Two times I have been a witness to such collisions, and once almost a participant, and I can tell you that it is a traumatising experience.

I can’t say absolutely that the greater percentage of such accidents will involve the fault of a Spanish driver. Other non-English speaking drivers could just as well be to blame. If it is so, I think that might just be the luck of the draw. What I have been discovering is that many of the older Spanish drivers have never taken any kind of test, and they have no idea about these (new) international road signs. Consequently, there is a whole army of drivers who go about their daily lives driving vans, cars, trucks and tractors totally oblivious of what those red and white signs are demanding that they do. They should recognize red stoplights, but that is another story.

I can’t speak for you, of course, but that puts the fear of God in me. Especially when we couple that with men who are driving very large trucks without a license, and I have to question whether I really want to go out onto the road.

I have been driving in Spain for eleven years and I have been involved in two accidents where people ran into the back of me. Otherwise, I have lost count of the number of crashes I have avoided by exercising a very high level of due care. With this added knowledge I will have to be even more careful.

What about you?

Spain, Sweet Spain!

2010-06-13T14:02:00.002+01:00

Spain, Sweet Spain!

We have had a gathering storm in Spain as the government has seen its reserves depleted. One response was to press the police into going after the softest target of all, the motorist, as a source of funds to pay salaries, etc. I have long complained about the act of bringing into disrepute the officer of the law by insisting that he act as a revenue officer, rather than the enforcer of the law.

Suddenly we found ourselves under strict inspection by large groups of police who seemed to be intent on fining us for any infringement at all, even down to the state of our tyres. I agree that it is important to drive on tyres that are in good condition, but I had never heard of police checks to inspect the tyres. Fines were threatened of up to 200 euros for each deficient tyre, so things could get very serious.

In days of old it was the highwaymen who stopped the passersby and demanded: “Who goes there? Hand over your purse!” Now, city hall has the police doing that. It was all being driven by the fact that we are in financial crisis, and that has led the government to look for ways to reduce spending. That makes sense, of course, so the government decided to cut the salaries of public workers and parliamentarians. Seems they forgot that the police are public workers too, and they are not pleased to have their salaries cut by 5%.

Drivers are somewhat amazed to be stopped by the police and informed of their offence and told what the fine is, then told to continue on their way without having to pay the fine. Apparently one senior officer said that some days they have not actually fined anyone. The situation looks to get worse. Naturally, that just suits the public, but we will soon slide into anarchy, and then it won’t seem so fine.

Meanwhile, Formula 1 rolls on, regardless of everyone’s financial worries, and in spite of the World Cup Soccer competition that will have a lot of Formula 1 spectators glued to their televisions watching football. Some admission tickets will sell at 2,800 euros each for the VIP Paddock Club section in the Valencia street circuit. Who is still making that kind of money that they can splash out on such extravagance? It must be nice work if you can get it.

If all you want to do is watch cars that are driven too fast, stand alongside the side of the A-7 any day of the week and catch the show.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

New Valencian Traffic Laws

2010-06-06T17:34:00.001+01:00

More New Valencian Traffic Laws

I’m certain that the Valencian government’s strategy is to keep us confused by ever changing rules and laws, and to fine us when we are out of step or just plain all mixed up. I hate to use this example, but in days of yore it was the highway man who cried out “halt! Give me your money and your valuables.” These days the police are the ones who are undertaking this activity: To make maters worse the likely fine to be suffered has risen to a minimum of 100 euros for minor offences, and to 200 euros for more serious breaches. If you commit a very serious offence indeed the minimum fine will be 500 euros.

When we add all that bad news to the increase in the iva tax, and the reduction is wages for many workers, or no wages for many, many more people the stage is set to make people very angry indeed. That may be why someone has prevailed and added that when a driver is fined he can receive a discount of 50% if he pays the fine within 20 days.

Make no mistake about it, the crisis is hitting City Hall very hard. Lately the Guardia presence on the street is amazing. I didn’t realise there were so many officers in the force, and they are taking very close note to our driving habits. Things that have simply been allowed to pass in the pass are now receiving close examination, such as the maximum speed for coming off the autovia or autopista, and the maximum speeds when passing through road works areas.

If you ride a pedal cycle at night without a front light you will be fined. If you park in a blue zone parking area with a ticket that has not run out of time your car will be towed away. At the impound centre you will have to pay the towing charge, and as was my experience, I was also charged the parking fine, only to receive a ticket for the fine again. Because I could not find my receipt I had to pay the fine again. How likely was that to have been a coincidence?

The Minister for the Interior assures us that the government does not fine people for pleasure. I believe him. A traffic fine is supposed to be like the tuition charge to learn a lesson that you will not wish to repeat. It’s all part of the safety process, and we are learning something about driving, judging by the falling death toll. In 2009 1,897 people lost their live unnecessarily. In some year gone by the toll was over 7,000, so you could say that things are getting better. However, the nitpicking that is going on seems to have more to do with bring in revenue from the motoring public, always a soft target, than to do with real police work.

If you do not wish to cooperate than you can drive as though the car behind you or in front of you is an unmarked police car. You can expect to find them parked around the next bend, over the crest of the next hill, and the radar is always pointed at you. They are in the sky, and they are watching us via their cameras. Be good!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Believe it or Not!

2010-05-30T15:58:00.003+01:00

Believe it or Not-Souped up Wheelchairs

Some drivers recently got the shock of their lives when an elderly, one-armed, no-legged man in a wheelchair overtook them on the main carriageway in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil on the 28th May, 2010. His actual speed was not known but estimates put it at more than 80 kph. The man had taken the idea of an electric powered wheelchair and substituted a gasoline-powered motor on to it, and had souped that up so that it would propel him along at very fast speeds. He had made it a three-wheeler with handlebars to control the direction and bicycle-type brakes. The acceleration was provided by the same type of mechanism as a motorcycle.

He was stopped and charged by police for driving a motorized vehicle of an unknown type without permission. He said that he only wanted to try out his new invention.

This is what can happen when you are badly disabled and confined to your wheelchair all hours of the day. You become bored out of your mind and sometimes you might be tempted to engage in suicidal activities.

I tried to look up this particular man’s adventures on line, and to my absolute amazement I found that he is not the only person to tinker with his wheelchair. A guy named Jeff has got his electric chair to get up to 30 mph. He was giving a demonstration on the very quiet street where he lived in the suburbs, but didn’t stop at the stop sign.

On December 4, 2007, a 54 year-old man was fined $618 for violating the speed limit twice in his wheelchair by travelling at 41 mph. Police confiscated his wheelchair.

In Brighton, England, on April 4, 1952 a man was fined for speeding at 41 mph. His fine was One Pound. The police said that they had been getting too many complaints about speeding invalid chairs. After all, the speed limit in those days for wheelchairs was 20mph. That's right. Twenty miles per hour!

England actually has laws on its books to cover such transport. Wheelchairs are Class III vehicles, and the speed limit these days for them on public highways is 8 mph, and 4 mph on footpaths.

It should not come as a surprise to learn that wheelchairs are adapted to meet all sorts of challenges for the handicapped. In the USA the Federal Drug and Administration have approved wheelchairs that can traverse steps, both up and down, and even to lift the occupant into a standing position. The machine is called the iBot and costs about $30,000.

Then there are those people with spirit who, upon finding themselves sentenced to a life in a wheelchair, find the courage to have a life as normal as possible. Such people might be veterans of war, who could spend their days feeling sorry for themselves, but instead take on the challenge with gusto.

We see them engaging in very rough contact sports, such as basketball where they wheel around the court and slam into one another; or they engage in straight races. They drive their specially adapted cars, and they shop on their own, and they keep house and maintain personal relationships.

I will not say that I salute such people because I cannot say that there is a right way or a wrong way to deal with one’s own disability. To each his own; however, if it works for you then all well and good.

There is one class of mobility wheelchair user who needs to be mentioned, and that is the person who has a very heavy chip on their shoulder. They are likely to slam into pedestrians standing in their way, inflicting serious pain upon the ankles of the unwary with the footplates, in a fit of jealously because the pedestrian has two good legs and feet and didn’t get out of the way.

There is no pain and suffering that you can put such a person through that could possibly be worse than what they are already suffering. If there is such a person anywhere in your proximity be sure to give them a very wide berth, keep a close eye on them and give them a lot of respect, and love, if you can.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Being Different

2010-05-23T13:13:00.002+01:00

Being Different --Driving on the Left

Within Europe, Britain is the odd man out. And that country is doggedly determined to remain an island unto itself. Particularly in two areas its difference with the Continent is extreme. Driving on the left presents an unnecessarily dangerous difference, and Britain drags its colonies or former colonies into the same situation. People lose their lives over the confusion this creates, but the authorities seem to have their heads up their collective Asses over this.

The other thing is the fact that Britain retains the Pound as its currency while all of Europe uses the single currency Euro. When the Euro was launched I heard a story that Britain decided against joining in the move as it expected that the euro would collapse in the fullness of time. That may yet turn out to be the truth. But getting back to this business of driving on the left, while almost the entire rest of the world drives on the right it something that simply must be addressed.

Taking a stiff upper lip while insisting, “We British are Different” is simply not good enough, especially when some British drivers go to America or come to the Continent and drive straight into oncoming traffic.

Is it even possible to change at this point in time? I suggest that it is, as it has been done elsewhere. I grant that for some time British drivers would have to be tremendously careful. Also, the legacy of right-hand drive vehicles would take a long time to phase out, especially given the fact that many British owners keep their cars forever.

What a shame things were not uniformed at the start. To have the situation having carried on until the mess we are in today is a great shame. However, I do not really expect to see such a change. It was enough of a challenge to get the British to change over weights and measures. That is still not complete; as is the fact that here in Spain we are still pricing things in Pesetas.

We humans are such creatures of habit!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

The Masturbator

2010-05-16T07:34:00.003+01:00

Where is his other Hand?

I agree that this is a shocking title for a column, but it is justified. A man was discovered to be masturbating while driving his van around Valencia city during daylight hours. Well, now we know what to credit driving customs to in Valencia, and probably throughout all of Spain.We are not surprised because it seems that we (men) are all a bunch of wankers at the wheel.

I feel like being funny about this, or at least sarcastic, because driving skills and attention to safety on our roads are in short supply. It’s true to say that conditions have been improving a great deal, especially judging by the falling death rates. That is reason for pride, but the idiots are still with us. There is no lane discipline; most people seem to think that signalling is illegal, and very few people seem to have a clear idea of what they are doing on roundabouts.

Add to all of that is the fact that so many people insist on driving while drunk. There is also the cowboys who think nothing of cutting off three or more lines of traffic to go off to the right or left, or they overtake the cars in front only to exit the highway having caused everyone to brake.

So it should not be much of a surprise that one of the wankers has been booked for driving while failing to pay due care and attention.

However, it would be hypocritical of the public at large to laugh at this dopey guy from a sense of superiority, as though we would never do anything like that. The fact is that as young drivers we have got up to all sorts of things while driving. We also got up to even more things while parked. That’s all a part of our love affair with (and in) our cars. However, it’s a very poor sap who gets caught playing with himself while driving through the city during daylight hours.

I can only assume that there was a bet in place. Nobody would be that stupid without money involved.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

More Driving Misery

2010-05-09T17:44:00.002+01:00

Just what we need: More Driving Misery

As we all know by now the police have their marching orders to hand out denuncias (tickets) in greater volume in order to bring in money for the town treasury. This they should do by all means (legally, I hope) possible.

The one weakness of all who drive on Spanish roads is to take heed of those speed signs that require us to reduce our speeds. I am willing to bet that if there are two drivers in all of Spain who follow these instructions to the letter, then they are the only two, and that they are seen as a real nuisances. In fact, the way that traffic signs are set out, in most cases they are not even intended to be adhered to exactly. The driver would have to practically stand on the brakes in order to slow as rapidly as required.

However, be warned! Especially in road work zones, hidden radar machines are being employed to record speeds, and the problem here is that generally speaking if your speed is 50% greater than the speed indicated the fine will be at least 200 euros, plus points lost from your driving permit.

The lower numbers are the most difficult ones, because if the speed mandated is 40 and you are travelling at 61, your offence is grave, and worse still when the limit is 20 and you are travelling at 41.

We will have to learn driving discipline like stopping and remaining stationary for a red light even though there is no-one crossing the street. I hope you will take this as fair warning and be aware.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Your Car Personality

2010-05-02T12:08:00.004+01:00

Show me your car and I will show you your Car Personality

The car or motorbike that we buy reflects our personality as much as the clothes we wear. I have often considered this, but little did I know that great studies have been done to determine who buys what type and make and colour of motorised transport. You and I are completely unaware of the knowledge that the car salesman already has about us before we walk into the showroom. Today I would like to focus solely on colours:

CarInsurance.com reports in their article, “What your car says about your personality” that the choice of colour of your car broadcasts your personality very loudly, whether you realise it or not. My favourite colour is blue, a calming colour, and when it’s properties are described it reflects who I am perfectly. I am someone who likes to think I am a steady person ;who thinks things through before acting. I’m an accountant, so I am supposed to be a blue person. However, having had the option of buying a blue car I decided against it because blue is not who I am as a driver.

I chose instead a Burgundy colour for my Volvo 850. Good Heavens! Burgundy? It doesn’t even show up on the list of car colours. For my second car, a Jaguar XK Sovereign my choice colour is black. That is very interesting, because it suggests that I am an aggressive, possibly dangerous driver, (I'm definitely not!) and a great and competent conductor. A shiny black car with tinted windows also suggests menacing power and mystery.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that secret government agencies are always depicted as driving large black shiny 4x4 vehicles. They are definitely trying to tell us something. But, black is good to give an impression of seriousness.

I once hired a rental car that was small and bright yellow. I had so much fun with that. It really did something for my driving mood. I felt like I was driving around in a yellow canary and I almost felt like singing. Supposedly people who would deliberately buy this colour are generally happy individuals with a light attitude towards life. I say more power to them.

Silver is a curious colour on a car. It seemed the world suddenly went wild for silver, and some of the drivers are said to be somewhat snooty. However, in my view that colour only works if it is highly polished. In that state I am drawn towards it and I give the driver credit for being cool, but, when the shine dulls and it becomes scratched, dented and dirty there is nothing worse.

British Racing Green as a colour does work for me, but not on every make of car. A long while ago I owned a green Jaguar XK120 convertible that I was so very proud of. It was a lovely classic car that I was never sure whether it was the colour or the car that gave me the greatest pleasure. Recently I owned a Chrysler Voyager seven-seater mini-van that had tinted windows. The problem was that I had to keep it clean and shiny because it was in the league of a black car of similar design.

It was such a good-looking car some cretin stole it and set it ablaze. I suppose jealousy had something to do with that.

There are lots of other colours, some of which are shades like pink (for a girl), cream, orange, etc, but two colours stand out and grab for the attention. One is white, which works really well on a large Rolls Royce or Bentley. When we see one of those coming our way it usually suggests someone of wealth and importance, such as a rock star or captain of industry. This is a Statement Car that announces the owner as a person not to be ignored. The Pope drives around in his white PopeMobile I suppose to display a sign of purity and cleanliness, but that would not necessarily be true of all owners of white cars.

The other colour is bright Candy Red. The colour of Ferreri says it all. This tells us that this is flash, hot, very fast, very powerful, and very, very expensive. If you have to ask “How Much?” then you simply are not in the league to own one.

The most rare colour on the street is brown. If you think brown, you should be thinking UPS. Who would drive a brown car? Ithink I would want to follow such a person around to observe what kind of personality would want a brown car. They would probably want a brown Lada.

More Driving Pleasure

2010-04-25T14:20:00.002+01:00

Driving like this is truly a Pleasure

I wrote of my lament that driving these days is such a utilitarian thing and a real burden There is ever more traffic with which to cope and hassles galore. Now the police are under orders to stop and fine drivers for every little infraction in the interest of bringing money into the government’s coffers. Whenever I take public transport I get to relax because someone else is doing the driving and the focus shifts away from me.

It occurred to me that driving the Highlands of Scotland and through parts of Ireland’s green valleys and hills would bring back some of the pleasure, and I’m sure that would be so. However, Spain has much of its old road network still intact, and what’s more it exist all around me. I just ignore that network because normally I’m in much too much of a hurry to detour off the smooth new ribbons of highway, but I did just that a week after posting my previous blog on this topic. What I discovered was actual driving delight.

The route took me through the back-country where in parts no buildings stood at all. Not even farming was in evidence. Except for the roads there was no suggestion that man had ever set foot on the land. To be able to see nature in such unspoiled and virgin conditions today was a real treat. To make the discovery even more astonishing, all of this is within 50 kilometres of where I live.

The roads are very narrow and winding, but I had to reflect that these were Spain’s original roads and there would have been a time when that road would have been a busy hive of activity. In days gone by everyone drove a Seat 600 type car, a car almost small enough to fit in my luggage compartment. I was deathly afraid of meeting an oncoming vehicle. There was not enough room for us to pass, so it could have been interesting.

Roads like these are there to be enjoyed as a throwback to the days of old, but extra special care should be taken. Unfortunately I don’t trust the average driver to take such care and caution and to exercise appropriate patience, so it’s probably not a good idea for large numbers of people to pass along on these roads.

For me, it was a very pleasant diversion from the mundane and to be able to do the route on such a brilliant day was wonderful. All the while that I was doing that there were many thousands of people trapped in airports unable to move forward nor backward.

What a crazy world we live in!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Driving Pleasure

2010-04-18T12:40:00.002+01:00

Driving pleasure with very few fellow Travellers

I am probably like most people who drive, in that my driving is entirely utilitarian. I drive to get to the shops or to the city for various business reasons. My route covers the same roads every day and there is nothing new under the sun. I have to cope with the same traffic situations, and in some cases the same traffic. We know each other and expect to pass along the same stretch. Driving is a dull task.

I was watching a travelogue that took us through the highlands of Scotland. I admit that I was far more comfortable watching from my television than actually being there, because it evidently was very cold. What intrigued me was the discovery that driving along a road that had very little other traffic on it held for the driver.

The Scottish Highlands is not for the faint of heart. Firstly, take lots of clothes to bundle yourself in, otherwise you will need to be a very hearty person. There are few of us who are sufficiently tough to survive in that climate. To add to the cold the wind will give you a severe lashing, and the North Sea beats down upon the shores unmercilessly, creating a scene of great wonder and beauty.

There are the mountain passes and valleys, the coastal drives and the small towns. There are houses that sit all alone amid the empty waste that leaves the observer wondering why would someone have built a house in such a remote place? What must life be like for the people who live there?

Such places exists in my mind solely for the purpose of being visited. To get there we first make certain that the car is totally roadworthy before setting out, and we carry extra fuel. Then we are ready to go for a drive.

Should we take a camera? Frankly, I think that pictures can only do so much to tell the story. This is one of those things that each person has to experience for himself, particularly because getting there is really most of the fun.

I have this as one of my “Must Do” things before I turn in my driving license for good.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Driving in Marrakech

2010-04-11T21:45:00.001+01:00

Driving and Dodging in Marrakech

I begin by saying how much I appreciate driving in Spain. I have spent a long time throwing barbs at our driving habits, but when you sometimes compare with another country you can rightly feel that things here are not so bad after all.

We recently visited Marrakech, and the bottom line is that we had a wonderful time. The people were very hospitable, in spite of the fact that so many live in dirt and abject poverty. The one thing that broke my heart was the number of elderly women who have nothing and daily go hungry. I quite naturally felt I should have given them money, but they are so numerous, the problem is overwhelming.

I want to focus a little on driving habits and street life. Within the city, so far as I could see there seems to be very few rules. For instance, one day we had to wait to be picked up for a sightseeing trip. The place at which we were standing was a plaza with a roundabout and a central island. Driving is on the right, so one expects traffic to circulate around the roundabout in a counter-clockwise direction. Not so! Traffic entering from our right that wanted to go left simply ignored the centre island and turned left meeting traffic coming from the left head-on. There was much horn blowing and dodging and weaving, but it all worked somehow.

There are the usual traffic signals, like stop, that most people tend to ignore. Hardly anyone wears seatbelts or helmets, and the motorcycle serves as a motor taxi for the whole family. When we add to this mix the fact that a thick layer of dust covers everything, and trash is ever present, combined with the crumbling state of most buildings and people congestion, the mind boggles and the eyes cannot take it all in.

Having said all that, the attitude of travellers is one of calm and tolerance. I never saw one example of road rage, or even discourtesy. It cannot be said that drivers are reckless, although as first sight it certainly seems that way. Were they actually so there would be a thousand crashes a minute. I didn’t witness even one accident of any consequence.

Driving in the countryside is another matter. The police are everywhere with their radar traps that are over-used. It seemed to me that the police are especially interested in vehicles with foreign plates or rental cars. In Cameroon, I observed that the police were worse than bandits as they spent their time in extracting “fines” on the spot from drivers. Someone suggested that is how they earn their living as the State rarely pays them.

I probably won’t go back to Marrakech because we have seen the sights, but for someone who has never been it can be a fun place to visit. It certainly is an eye-opener.

On our last day we passed a business that displayed the following sign: “Would you like to rent a Car?” My response was, “Are you Nuts?”

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Where did the Time Go?

2010-04-06T21:25:00.001+01:00

Time flies and your children leave in your car.

The event is so fresh in my mind that it could have been only yesterday when I stood in the delivery room and watched my son enter this world. I think my heart may have stopped for a beat and I definitely forgot to breathe when he arrived almost like an angel.

I whole heartily recommend to every father that he be there to greet his new-born because it certainly is the beginning of a bond. We have been there with our son every step of the way and the memories we have are truly very fond. I think back on the time of his first clear word, and his first step. There were all the milestones through which we travelled, things that were familiar to us adults, but through which we saw again with his new eyes.

His first day at school when he stood in the doorway of The Montessori Academy and saluted us without the slightest hesitation; the time that he stood on stage and recited his prepared work with calm and assurance; his first piano piece before a mixed audience; the first time I let go of the cycle and he stayed upright.

We came here to Spain and within six months he was speaking fluently in Spanish. I know this because I came upon he and his friend, Julian, and they were engaged in a passionate argument. He was giving as good as he received, which was a pretty good indicator that he was settling in really well.

Fortunately his Mom took up employment at the same school that he attended, so everyday he was driven in the family car to school. From this point time seems to have moved quickly, and before we could hardly have time to realize what was happening he had graduated from secondary, and was off to Australia for a gap year experience. He had his driving license in hand, and now that he is back, he sometimes drives his mother to school, and then he drives off to go about his business. This one aspect is more descriptive of how things have changed. For every family who has this experience I’m fairly sure they are as gobsmacked as we are.

So, where did the time go? While I shrink in height and size he continues to grow. With a full head of hair he seems to be about two metres tall and I have to look up to him. This is about as good as it gets, and we have so much to be thankful for as our boy has grown into a really wonderful man.

To place the icing on this, he is also a very good driver, and that is one more thing to make me proud of him.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Jeremy Clarkson

2010-03-28T12:28:00.002+01:00

Jeremy Clarkson : A very interesting man.

Jeremy Clarkson has made a very strange career of trashing manufacturer’s cars. I don’t know how he does it, but he has made a lot of money in making fun of just about every brand of car ever made. Why don’t the car manufacturers sue him? I don’t know. If I were to try and follow in his footsteps would they sue me? Yes! Most definitely!

He is a very controversial person. His views and opinions on just about everything seem to be designed to stir things up. People have organised “We hate Jeremy Clarkson” campaigns, but the one thing that hasn’t happened as yet is that he has been ignored. Love him or hate him, we just don’t want to ignore him. For instance, his television series “Top Gear” is a silly piece of TV fluff. Why then do I look forward to watching it? I don’t know the answer to that.

I personally can’t say that I agree with him in everything that he says. In fact, I’m not sure that I agree with him in anything at all, but the manner in which he writes is pure poetry. He once said that a certain young man would rather eat his knees than drive a Ford. Very expressive indeed!

There was a time when I bought The Sunday Times newspaper for the principle reason of his column, and I admit that it was he who inspired me to write “From the Driver’s Seat.” Recently, in considering my style I lamented the fact that I was still light years away from the brilliance of his copy, so I have given up trying to emulate him and I have decided to just do my own thing.

So, continued good luck Jeremy, and if we ever meet in person, it will have to be by accident.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Outrage !!!

2010-03-21T15:49:00.005+01:00

Outrageous Behaviour

Matthew Pritchard, writing in the Costa Blanca News column “Spanish Insight”, highlighted the good news of declining road traffic deaths, something I have also done in this blog. One of the reasons that the death toll has been so high is that of driving while drunk.

I came to Spain ten years ago and the first thing I noted was the attitude to alcohol. I noticed people having a brandy with their morning coffee, then a full litre of beer with the mid-morning bocadillo, followed by a bottle of wine with the menu del dia. In between, stops were made for a café cortardo con whiskey, and perhaps more wine at night. In other words people were constantly under the influence of drink.

Small wonder that at that time more than 3,000 lives were lost unnecessarily on the roads. Someone said that if the day ever came when that attitude to drink were to change, that Spain would no longer be Spain. Perhaps! But enough is definitely enough!

Matthew Pritchard wrote of just how ingrained the problem is in pointing out the culpabilities of several government ministers, or committee members sitting on boards concerning themselves with road safety and the prevention of accidents. Some have been booked for driving two or three times over the legal limit, including while driving their official government cars. Just as outrageous is what happens when these people are caught. There is an absence of true contrition. Caught in a position of that magnitude I think the decent thing would be to completely step down from the position of trust that is held in the government, but no, the usual thing is for the guilty to seek support from those in power.

Added to that there will be those who give them their support because they think the offence is something minor. Well, I can only hope that such people learn their lesson the hard way.

In 2009 the death toll fell below 2,000 persons for the first time in recorded history. This now means that suicides exceed death on the road as a major cause of death in Spain. Add to that that many of the deaths on the roads are suicides and that changes things again.

However, it seems that the country has a very long way to go if we cannot even rely upon those in government to provide the good example that is required. Here’s where I have to say that for me, when there is even a possibility that I may have to drive I simply do not take anything that may impair my driving ability and judgement.

Does that make me a better person than the guilty people in government? Actually, I think it does!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Toyota’s Troubles

2010-03-14T10:22:00.002+01:00

No Complaints

The first thing that we must acknowledge is that the modern car is a computer-on-wheels. One of the reasons that Volkswagon had so much success with it’s “Beetle” was that it was a simple machine that got the driver from point A to point B without too many things that could go wrong.
Now we all drive computers, and the annoying thing about computers is that they have a tendency to “crash” every now and again. Relate that to cars and the crashes can take lives. Toyota has some big problems to deal with, and these must be especially painful for the brand that enjoyed top ratings for so many years. The thing to bear in mind is that these are simply machines and as such, there is no such thing as perfection.

I drive a Volvo, a brand name that stands proud on a reputation of safety. However, as the years roll by unexpected problems can occur. In my case my car would simply shut down without warning. After about two minutes I turned the key and it started up again and sometimes would run just fine for months. Volvo engineers determined that the most likely cause was probably the major fuses malfunctioning. We changed those and the problem has not resurfaced.

I also drove a Chrysler Voyager seven seater mini-van before that and suffered through the same effect, only that was laid at the feet of the computer motherboard that was shutting down the system. We changed that and the problem went away.

When a customer brings in his car with a tale of these types of problems, I believe it is incumbent on the dealer/garage to take the matter seriously and detain that car until a solution is found. Perhaps they could provide the driver with another car on loan while they confer with the brand network to find the answer. Toyota seems not to have done this for a long time, and I shudder to think what some consequences might have been.

Unintended acceleration seems to be the major problem that Toyota is facing, but apparently Ford and GM seem to be battling similar concerns.

I was a regular follower of the CBS program “60 Minutes” for many years. On Sunday November 23, 1986, Ed. Bradley presented a segment entitled “Out of Control” following the unfortunate death of a six year-old boy who was crushed to death because his mother said her car suddenly accelerated. That car was an Audi 5000 and the report was so damming that it nearly drove Audi into bankruptcy. (Allegedly there was a police report where the mother said her foot slipped onto the accelerator and the car shot forward, but this was not contained in the CBS report.) The program has since been criticized for not being strictly objective and I wonder whether Audi still suffers from its sting. It was the first thing that came to my mind when I heard of Toyota’s troubles.

We all like to show off all the bells and whistles of our latest acquisition, but they can come at too high a price if your car is simply laden with too much technology that can go horribly wrong in the fullness of time.

One last thought about cars that take on a mind of their own: Didn’t Stephen King have a car like this that he called “Christine?”

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Speed Limit 140 ???

2010-03-07T20:01:00.003+01:00

The Perfect Highway Speed

Law makers in Spain are currently thinking about increasing the maximum speed limit on Auto-vias and Auto pistas to 140 kph. I am absolutely appalled that this is even a suggestion, let alone a serious consideration. The country has reason to rejoice at the falling death rate on the highway, which can only be the credit of drivers slowing down and taking greater care. Then the government come along with this crazy scheme to increase the speed limit.

A lot of people have been taking the liberty of driving at 140 when they should have been content with 120. If the government make the speed limit 140, can we expect that people will drive at 160? Of course we can! The death toll in 2009 was 1,897, the first time that it had been less than 2,000 people. Am I missing something here? Is the government so concerned about over crowding on the streets that they rely on a certain number of people to actually die on the roads.

The logic seems to run contrary to normal and rational thinking. Why do we need to drive at 140 kph? We can always arise a little earlier from our beds and leave home a little earlier to make it to work on time. We can better organise our day to allow travelling time. We don’t have to make up time on the highway. Simply put, we don’t have to drive that fast. Drivers have been slowing down and that has resulted in fewer deaths on the road. I really hope that common sense will prevail and that this senseless idea be defeated in the legislature.

The best highway speed both for fuel efficiency and control is 90 kph. Every ten kilometres above that control decreases by a quatum jump, as does fuel consumption due to more wind pressure generated against the vehicle. I say "it ain't broke so stop trying to fix it!"

My conclusion as to the intent of the suggested new legislation is that the government must actually want us to kill ourselves on the highways of Spain. Everything else that they say and do seems to be just politics.

The question now is whether we drivers will take the bait? Personally I rarely drive at 120 kph.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

TOWED II

2010-02-28T15:29:00.002+01:00

THE PAIN OF BEING TOWED

In my previous column entitled “Towed” I described what happened when we doubled-parked our car on 26th November, 2009. We were trying to attend an appointment and we could not find anywhere to park, so we did what many other drivers did and made a second line and left our handbrake in the off position. Some cars were left with their emergency lights blinking, which I always think simply draws attention to the offence that you are committing.

When our appointment was over we returned to where we left the car and it had been towed away. We took a taxi to the impound centre and paid 139.44 euros to retrieve it. The receipt said that sum was comprised of 91 euros for the fine and 48.44 for the towing fee. With this type of receipt I think it’s important to maintain it in a safe place, just in case there’s a question later.

Later arrived in February when we received a summons for the “unpaid” fine. I decided I would simply take the receipt and show that we had indeed paid the fine. The problem is that I’m still trying to find the safe place that I placed the receipt in and time has run out. Unable to prove my point I have had to pay the fine again, although they gave me a discount.

What’s the chances that happened naturally? Firstly, if the towing fee really is 139.44 euros, that would be absolutely outrageous, but the lady at the government office was adamant that was only the fee for the towing. However, why would the impound centre release my car without having me pay the complete charge? It is possible as the impound centre does not issue the denuncia, so perhaps I should have been charged only the towing fee of 48.44.in the first place.

There is a story here with a bad smell and it needs to be looked into. The mere fact that I have paid twice for the same charge is criminal in itself. Unfortunately my prime exhibit is missing for the time being so I am unable to move forward, but I suggest that anyone who finds themselves in a position of having their car towed should save their receipt. It may become very important evidence later.

Also, this whole experience is making me think twice about doing as the Spanish do. I think I need to be less cavalier about where and whether I abandon my car. It gets a little expensive.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

A Warning

2010-02-21T16:27:00.001+01:00

Beware!

These are very desperate financial times, and that is apparently leading some people to take desperate action to get their hands on money. James Foxall, Car Contributor to MSN writes that the percentage of fraudulent claims that insurers are receiving have increased by over 70%. He noted specifically ten forms of claims, some of which involve innocent other drivers. There are some things that we can do so as not to cooperate with the scam artists, but fundamentally, to be forewarned is to be forearmed.

Principally, the things that we can do is to drive carefully, free of impairments and with due attention to what other traffic is doing around us. Keeping one’s distance from the car in front means that if he intends to stop sharply forcing you to slam into him, by keeping a safe distance you will frustrate his endeavours. The reason he wants you to slam into him is that he can claim for whiplash damages, even although he may not have such an injury.

Beware of other drivers signalling you to move into their lane. Normally, the other driver will drop back allowing you to go ahead. However, in the case of the intentional collision he will not slow down, and then claim it’s your fault and deny that he gave you any such signal.

Other scams, such as asking a friend to take your car and dump it so that you can claim for a stolen car, is beyond the scope of members of the public to stop. Likewise, exaggerating the claim for things not lost is something none of the motoring public should do. Similarly, when applying be sure to complete the application truthfully and fully. Errors and omissions at that stage could lead to no coverage just when you need it most.

It is important to remember that there are organised gangs who wake up in the morning to go to work. Their job is working all manner of insurance scams, and they may ensnare you using two or more cars. It will be difficult at first to detect when you are surrounded by a gang, but keeping a keen eye out for behaviour that is not just bad driving, but driving to cause a deliberate accident will become clearer with experience.

Putting packages or handbags on the front passenger seat, or worse the rear seats is an invitation to “break my window and take my bag.” This form of highway robbery is on the increase as well. If it’s your handbag or briefcase and you really must place it on the front seat, then use the seat belt to secure it. The more obvious the better.

These are the realities of life today. It helps to anticipate what could happen so that you can be better prepared to deal with life on the roads today.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

They are Out to Get You

2010-02-14T13:10:00.002+01:00

They are Waiting to Save You from.....Yourself!

Earlier we spoke of the warning that law enforcement would be concentrating more intensely this year on speeding. True to their word the Big Guns are out there. The part I don’t like is that it is more about raising revenue than law enforcement. The police are to be respected as enforcing the law, in my opinion, and to reduce their status to that of revenue officers lowers the overall respect for Law and Order generally, but I’m not in charge, so my opinion counts for nothing.

In the city of Valencia, many a driver has come to a shocking realisation along the Ronda Norte and Ronda Sud. We are reminded that the limit is 50 kph, the same as driving along any interior city road, however, very few people adhere to that limit.

Recently, apparently someone who has felt the sting of a fine for speeding along those routes was driving along so slowly that all the traffic was going around him. As I caught up with him I noticed my speedometer was reading 50 kph. Ah! Thought I. The problem is that this person is travelling at the legal speed limit.

Some times, the speed limit posted is a really good suggestion to keep drivers from injuring themselves. I’m being facetious, of course, because legal speed limits are always for that purpose. There is one stretch of road where you climb a small hill, and as you go over the top you are faced with a place where traffic might be crossing the road from the right. Many large trucks use that area, and if you were travelling at 100kph and an extra long truck was crossing you would not be able to stop in time.

The year 2009 was a bellweather year in that the number of people killed on Spanish roads fell below 2000. The truth is that if we all slow down that would help that number to fall even further. The number that we are hoping to beat on the low side is 1,897. We, acting as a group, can do that. We can make Spain’s roads the most safe in all of Europe.

Whether it’s a case of raising money or raising awareness it really is in our own interests to show respect to the speed camera, avoid the penalties and stay safe.

My best wishes to all my fellow drivers for a “Multa-Free” year. That would be just fine in my point of view.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

I Would-A if I Could-A

2010-02-07T10:05:00.002+01:00

I Would have if I Could have

This story is only part fantasy. It is a story about being a hero if only I could have been. But, I didn’t get the chance to be, and that’s such a shame.

The story began on a perfectly normal day. I had driven my car into town and parked in a pay-park area in front of the car that was already there. I collected my things and got out of my car to buy a ticket from the parking machine. I put in the money and stepped back to retrieve the ticket. At that moment there was a commotion to my right that I detected from the corner of my eye. It was a man with a stick, and he was running towards me. I thought I was under attack, but before I could react he bounced off me and came to a halt a few metres away.

He threw his arms in the air, including the stick and he absolutely SCREAMED at the top of his voice: DIOS ME! NO! NO! NO! Everyone on the street froze. Two meter maids who were walking towards him went quickly up to him and asked: “What’s the matter?” He kept repeating : “No! No! No! It cannot be!” Again the ladies asked “What cannot be?” He replied that he had left a bag containing money on the bonnet of his car and someone had taken it.

Poor man. He had evidently had one of those Senior Moments. Reconstructing what had happened, it seems that he had got out of his car and placed the bag with money on the bonnet of his car, and then walked the twelve steps to the machine and bought a ticket for the car. He then placed the ticket on the inside, turned to the right and simply walked away without the bag. At some point he realised that he did not have it, and in spite of the fact that he needed a cane to walk, he had come running, hoping against hope that the bag would still have been there.

I had arrived and parked in front of him but there was no bag at that time. This is where my fantasy comes into the picture, together with a question: What would I have done had I come face to face with a bag of money that was just sitting out in public?

I have thought about this over and over again, but my first thought still prevails: I would have made certain that the money found its way back to its lawful owner. I would have taken the bag from the bonnet of the car and put it in my car. Then I would have simply sat to await his return. In the meantime I would have called the town police and asked that officers came to the scene.

If only that could have been the way it played out. If you could have witnessed that man’s agony you would have wanted to be the one to have been able to say, “Here it is! Calm yourself.” He was a mature man, and I have no idea how much was in his bag, but evidently he considered it an absolute disaster that he had lost it.

Of course he was given the advice to immediately report it to the police. My only hope is that in doing so he would have found that some person had made the trip to the police station to turn the money in.

What disturbs me most about this is that if he got his money back we would have celebrated that fact as a major event because we would expect that whomever found it would keep it.

Honesty really is the best policy. If that money was simply spent by the finder, that would have possibly been the end of it. A guilty conscience might have been the price. However, had the money been returned to its owner, that deed would have been a solid part of the finder’s reputation for the rest of his life. It would also be a matter of personal pride, and that would be Priceless!

That is something to think about so that we will be ready when fate makes it our turn to make the right decision.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Police Humour

2010-01-31T14:31:00.003+01:00

Things that make Smokey the Bear Laugh

Would it come as a surprise to you to know that the police have a sense of humour? You may find that hard to believe, especially when they are arresting you, reading you your rights, writing you a ticket, or worse, shooting at you or bashing in your head as part of riot control, but the fact is it is essential for them to be able to see the funny side of things. Some lose their sense of humour, and when that happens it usually ends badly for such officers.

I wondered what sorts of things make an officer fall about in laughter. I logged on to a website advertising funny police stories. What I found I thought was very interesting. I think I can share some of these:

A Royal Canadian Mounted Policeperson by the name of A.L. Lambie says that while working general duty he was called to the scene of an accident. A car had left the road and ended up in someone’s garden. The driver was still in the car and was having a hard time breathing. He couldn’t get out without help.

The officer gave assistance, but noticed a foul smell. Turns out that the driver was a high priced lawyer in a three-piece suit. He was on his way home suffering with the flu. He apparently felt the need to pass wind, but passed more than he expected, and lost control and ended up in the garden.

Policemen don’t particularly like high-priced lawyers who get the bad guys off, so to the police this was an A-class story. He says, “we laughed for days over that one.” I bet they did.

From the Houston Police department comes the story of a bad guy who walks up to the policeman and hands him a baggie of Coke. He said that he had just bought it from a guy down the road and he wanted the police to go arrest him for selling drugs. The truth was that this “model” citizen was a drug dealer himself trying to get rid of the competition. The police got rid of them both. Some stories are so funny you couldn’t make them up.

This one is funny and has involved apparently several people in separate situations. It’s about the cruise control function on cars. The police in California had one case where the van was owned and driven by an Asian man. He engaged the cruise control in his camper van and got up to get a drink from the fridge. With no-one at the driving wheel the van went off the road and crashed. Duh! The same thing happened in all the cases.

There is a big difference between automatic pilot and cruise control. Between sobbing with laughter the police were just amazed these people actually held driving permits.

The police nabbed three guys as suspects in an armed robbery. They got a positive identification from the victim who said they stole his watch and $15 in cash. An officer asked, “O.K: which one of you guys stole this man’s Rolex watch? One of the guys pipes up with “Weren’t no damn Rolex. It’s a Seiko! And then he took it off his wrist and said “See!”

If only police work could always be this easy.

To the men and women who police our neighbourhoods and streets, “Stay safe, and Keep smiling!”

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

The Funny Side of Driving

2010-01-24T16:57:00.002+01:00

Keep Smiling!

I have been writing about driving matters for well over five years, and it has now occurred to me that I have never focused on the lighter side. Is there a lighter side? Absolutely! People are people and we have the capacity to see the funny side of everything, including driving. The things we say when we are in a bit of trouble, and the things we say to our insurance companies can be terribly funny.

I worked in the insurance industry for over twenty-five years, and although I never dealt with motor claims the funnier claims do somehow get shared. In fact, simply Google “funny driving stories” and you will probably be amazed by the number of entries.

For instance, in answer to the question “Could either driver have done anything differently to have avoided the accident?” The answer given was “We could have taken the bus!”

A car collided with a cow. Question “What warning was given by you?” Answer. Horn. “And the other party?” “Moo!”

“Sorry officer. I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight.”

“The car in front hit the pedestrian, but he got up, so I hit him again.”

The policeman pulled over the tourist on his bike. “Sir, your wife fell off your bike about ten minutes ago!” “Oh, Thank God for that. I thought I’d gone deaf!”

Magistrate to defendant: “It was the only car on the street and you hit it. Why?”

“I was trying to kill a fly when I drove into the telephone pole.”

“Coming home I drove into the wrong house and hit a tree I don’t have.”

“I thought my window was down until I spat through it.”

“The pedestrian ran for the sidewalk, but I got him.”

Humour is everywhere, even when you least expect it. I will do this again soon. Meanwhile, keep smiling and let’s try not to meet by accident!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

A Fine for Speeding

2010-01-17T17:39:00.003+01:00

Speeding is not good!

“You are charged with travelling at 85 kilometres per hour in a 50 kilometre zone. How do you plead?”

“Guilty, Your Honour.”

“Very well. I will take a moment to review your prior offences history, if any.”

The thing about this is that probably every driver that ever lived has committed this offence. In fact when the police want to catch a lot of speeders they set up the radar where speed is reduced because drivers are very bad about adhering to slow-down zones.

Part of the fault lies in the road administration in the way that signs are placed. There is one stretch where you are leaving a town and a speed limit of 50. You come upon a sign that says 80 is the limit from here. Just as you get your speed up to 80 there’s a sign saying 50. You would have to brake very hard to be in compliance.

It is very commonplace to come upon a series of signs that require the driver to reduce his speed from 120 down to 40. The law says that as you pass each sign your speed may not be more than that stated on the sign. Again, it is just about impossible to achieve what they want without emergency braking.

Those elements apart, Spain’s drivers just don’t have the discipline that German and Dutch drivers posses. Those drivers are always anticipating they will have to slow down and they are very good about observing the rules without question. (Sometimes.)

Should you be unfortunate to be ticketed for speeding you will have to pay a fine. Apart from being a punishment a fine is also intended to teach the driver a lesson. So, let’s now return to the court case that is in session in St. Gallen, East Switzerland.

“The Court can see that you have a number of convictions for speeding and other driving offences. It would appear that you have not learned your lesson as yet. Under the circumstances this Court feels it must impose a fine that will get your attention. You are therefore fined euros 180,000.”

It is just as well that the court did not suspend his licence as he has five cars. He also has fourteen million dollars, so maybe a fine of this magnitude will get his attention. Maybe not!

Apart from the dialogue, which I have had to assume, this is a true story. The fine amounted to 5,142 euros per kilometre over the limit. That would certainly get my attention.

Copyright © Eugene Carmichael 2010