Taking Offence

Taking Offence -Maintain Self-Control

There is one thing that almost all drivers seem to have in common, and that is the tendency to take offence from the actions of our fellow drivers. Men and women included, we appear to be ready to fly into a rage if the other driver does something to offend us. For some people they get upset if they simply find that there are other vehicles on the road competing for space.

Driving in the cities is an exercise in stress and rage where you are surrounded by arseholes who should have taken the bus or stayed at home. The least little thing can set a person off. The reason I’m writing about this is that I was waiting in my car at a red light when a couple of people wanted to cross just as the light changed to green. They simply looked at me and barged right in front of my car.

I flew into an incredible rage, which had to do with the effrontery of people who had the nerve to usurp my green light time. How dare they! I drove about a block or two swearing at them and upsetting myself. Finally I calmed down, and then I started to realise that was way over the top.

There are many examples of the person behind who loses his patience because the person in front is a slow poke. At the first opportunity he overtakes and cuts in sharply and goes like a bat out of hell.

Two people fighting over the same parking bay is a fight I would buy a ticket to see. I once saw a man and a woman in such a fight. Both of their cars were stopped in a wedge position where he had tried to drive in before she had backed in. They both were adamant they were right and the argument flew thick and fast. Luckily I was a pedestrian, but even I did not have the time to watch that struggle to its end. Presumably that was how they left their cars parked. They probably both got towed.

If you wake up one morning and decide to go on the road to be the worst nuisance that you can be, there would be no end to the things that you could do to upset drivers. I don’t recommend you do any of these things because you may not see the day through.

You could try passing someone at high speed, then apply your brakes to take the next exit, thereby making the car you just passed slow down
Drive at 60 kph in the centre of three lanes. You may well simply get run over.
Try driving along a two-way street while talking on the telephone at a slow speed.
Stop along a country lane opposite your mate’s car and have a conversation.
Don’t give way at a side street, thereby causing the driver on the main road to swerve.
Finally, only because I could probably go on and on with this; enter the main road with the courtesy of the driver who has moved over to allow it, then get in a race with him to make him stay in the outside lane.

As I said, these are approved suicide measures that are practically guaranteed to work.

As the year draws to an end I ask that we all drive carefully and limit or control our celebrations as we welcome the New Year. A really good thing to do would be to promise ourselves as we start each new day's driving that we won't allow ourselves to be offended by others. This is my usual mantra, and on those days that I forget to remind myself, I find that I can get upset.

I wish you all Happy Holidays, and all the best that life can offer you throughout 2011.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

City Driving Sucks

City Driving Sucks - Valencia, Spain

Around the world driving, and parking in cities pose challenges quite different to country driving. In fact, I have come to the conclusion that cities are not meant for driving in at all. I have been researching several cities to get a feel for what the experience is like in each. Today, I will start with my own city, Valencia, Spain.

Sensibly, we live in the outer suburbs of Valencia in the mountains that are a forest of orange trees. Here life is tranquil and idyllic. From time to time I have to make that dreaded trip into the heart of the city. To do so I usually leave the car parked on the outskirts and take public transport, such as the metro or bus to get to my destination.

On rare occasions I brave it and actually drive into the city. My reasoning on those occasions is that time is short and I don’t have the luxury of parking the car and waiting for public transport. Almost always that is a fallacy because if luck is against me I can get caught up in the crush of traffic for very extended periods of time. Even if things flow smoothly, just the stress alone is not worth it.

First, there are the road works. They are constantly tearing up the road to do something perhaps other than to admire the hole they made. It seems to me that they give motorists only a certain period of time to enjoy unimpeded driving, like two weeks, before starting all over again.

Then you get to somewhere in the area where you need to do business and you look for a parking space. There are several underground parking spaces that grow more expensive seemingly by the day. Most people really can’t afford to pay these rates on a daily basis, so they park on the street. If you are really lucky to find an on-street parking spot, as in winning-the-lottery kind of luck, you will find when you get back to your car that another line of cars have been parked alongside yours, effectively locking you in for the foreseeable future.

Supposedly, the drivers will leave their cars in neutral with the handbrake not engaged, but there is always at least one person who doesn’t do that, and everybody gets screwed. What you can do is call the authorities and ask them to come clear away the illegally parked second line. Just don’t let it get out that you were the one who dropped the dime.

For some strange reason, people who do park “in doble fila” thereby making a double line engage their hazard lights that draw attention. When the cars are being taken away hooked up to the tow truck, everybody knows that your car didn’t simply breakdown. They know what you did wrong.

Valencia’s city roads feature several points where there will be a line-up of about eight to ten lanes of traffic that needs to squeeze into two lanes as it crosses the street. Sometimes, to add excitement, interconnecting roads are added to a semi-circular turn; and to top it all off drivers on Spanish roads know absolutely nothing about lane discipline. It is not uncommon to have a driver completely cross all lanes honking and yelling as he goes.

At the time of the city’s greatest fiestas, Las Fiestas de la Fallas” about 600 of the city's roads get closed off. You have to imagine the chaos. I can’t possibly describe it.
Add to all that stress are the boy racers and the death wishers, and the buses and bloody taxi drivers who are convinced they own the road, and by the time you leave the city your nerves will be a wreck.

Here’s the really very curious thing: in travelling into the city in eleven years I have never come upon an accident scene except the one in which I was involved. That happened because I stopped behind a column of cars at a red light and a real prize winning, well-dressed businessman jerk, driving a BMW drove up the back of me because he was talking to his passenger while looking directly at her. This was a man who has excrement where his brain is supposed to be.

When visiting Valencia with the need to get around town, if you bring your car with you I think you should choose a hotel on the outskirts and take public transport always.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

DGT goes High Tech

DGT goes High Tech -Now speeding tickets on-line.

You and I are cordially invited to sign up to the Direcion General de Trafico on-line as a means of modernising the service. In the fullness of time they intend that this will be a means of reminding owners when the time is due for your ITV test; your insurance renewal, or that road taxes are due.

However, to begin with they will use the service as a means of notifying a driver that a traffic ticket is outstanding against the car. The method of doing this has been notification through the mail and on the Official Bulletin. For most foreigners we have not the slightest idea of where to find the bulletin, so we have to wait to receive notice through the post.

Most people have no clue that there may be a ticket outstanding, which could have arisen from any number of things, like passing a radar box a little too fast, or talking on the phone and being spotted by an officer.

My faith in the authorities to properly inform me of things I need to know is sadly lacking, especially given my last encounter.

We received a letter through our post box that stated that the authority tasked with bringing in taxes for trash collection has tried on several occasions to contact us, but evidently without success. They were trying one last time to notify us that the tax was due and would have to be paid with the penalty for late payment included. Failure to do so would lead to even higher penalties and would involve the tax authority, Hacienda.

Lying bastards!

All they had to do was address a letter to us at our post box and we got it. They simply waited until the time period when they could add a penalty, thereby boosting the council’s coffers. We all know that town councils are hard pressed for cash, but this is taking things too bloody far.

I have known people who found that they had a ticket that was outstanding for years, and it only came to light when they sold their car and tried to transfer ownership. That is when they discovered that a ticket written today can be like a bond. In many years from now it could be quite valuable, not for you, but for the government.

So, I think this might be a good thing, that if I do have a ticket outstanding then I need to know about it immediately so that I can deal with it.

For more information go to http://www.dgt.es/

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Dangerous Driving

It's Dangerous Driving-Stay Safe

Driving is one of those simple things that we take for granted, in that whatever country we live in, we drive in, even if it’s the most dangerous country in the world to get behind the wheel of a car. We compound matters when we decide to take a driving holiday, even if it means going from a safe country to one where they are all mad. We just don’t think about it.

I was looking up some statistics of road deaths per 100,000 population. These are figures from the mid 1990s, and I’m sure things have changed one way or the other, but in considering the list of worst cases, the Spanish will tell you that it is no surprise to see that Portugal was at the top of the list with 24.9 road deaths per 100,000. That still did not deter Spaniards from taking a driving holiday to Portugal. See what I mean?

Greece was second with 23.3; Venezuela was third with 22.3; The Russian Federation was tied with Venezuela, although it was ranked as fourth. Cuba was fifth with 18.3; Poland was next with also 18.3; and Mauritius was seventh with 17.8.

Colombia, in spite of its notorious reputation for drug running was number eight with 17.4, although a whole lot more people died at the hands of the cartels. Hungary was ninth with 17.0 people per 100,000, and number ten was Slovenia with 14.3. Spain, with it shameful track record in the mid 1990s didn’t make it into this list, which tells us a lot about the actual numbers of people who died on the roads of the countries on the list.

What about the list of the ten safest countries? Who gets the grand prize for keeping its citizens the safest?

You won’t get any prizes for guessing the country at the top of that list. It was Sweden, of course, the maker of the Volvo. They lost only 5.7 people out of every 100,000 to death on the road. That is remarkable considering the kinds of Winters they endure.

They were followed by The Bahamas with 6.1, and the U.K. were third with 6.2. From here it continues to get worse with Norway, 6.6, The Netherlands with 7.7, and Finland with 7.9. These are all cold countries that require driving on ice, but they don’t make the Volvo. (Yea, I own a Volvo.)

At number 7, Trinidad and Tobago came in with 10.3. They don’t have ice, except in their rum and coca colas, and if you are sipping a cool one while listening to the steel band you might become a little distracted. I’m not saying that is what people there do, but it would be good advice not to do that.

For number eight we have to go to Canada with 10.4, and then Israel with 10.6, and finally at number ten we have Australia who are actually tied with Israel.

So, where was Spain in all this? Presumably, somewhere between 10.6 and 14.3.

In 2005, it seems that the road death rate in The United States was 14.71. That was approximately 43,510 persons, but in subsequent years the picture has become more encouraging as deaths have declined down to 33,808 in 2009. That’s 11.01 per 100,000 people. Interestingly, we are seeing the same decline here in Spain that has changed from the bad ole’ days of over 6,000 to last year’s result of 1,897.

We are all holding our breath that the number will be less than that for 2010. Keeping in mind that no-one really has to die just for getting behind the wheel or on a motorbike, the death of just one person is one death too many. It means that some family, somewhere has their lives turned upside down because a member of their group didn’t come home.

Drive carefully. Preserve your life for the people who love you!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

The Police Helicopter

The Police Helicopter - On patrol from above.

I was leaving my housing estate when I came to the exit. Across the road was a huddle of police officers from all three divisons, the Guardia Civil, the National Police, and Policia Local. I have never understood the difference between the National Police and The Guardia Civil, and I haven’t found anyone who knows. The Policia Local confine themselves to their own town and their activities are limited, but I thought that the Guardia Civil did everything else.

As I drove up to the exit I stopped to put a CD in the player, but the police looked at me as though I might have been reluctant to pass them. When I was ready I set off without being challenged by them, and as I drove within the speed limit I enjoyed the music. I usually drive within the speed limit so there was nothing unusual about that. That stretch of road is a severe temptation for speed freaks because it is very straight, but narrow and accommodates two-way traffic but I don’t feel the need for speed these days.

There have been some serious crashes along that road because of the reason of speed. I always fear that if I am speeding and overtaking I will collide with either an animal that wanders onto the road, or a vehicle will enter the road while I am on the wrong side, so I have always resisted the temptation.

I was nearing the end of the stretch when I suddenly noticed overhead the police helicopter flying a path that coincided with the road, and more importantly he had been following me. He went on ahead of me then did a wide turn and went back the way he had come. It was then that I passed the group of police that would have stopped me if they had instructions to do so from above.

I was listening to music so the chance of me hearing the helicopter was nil. My windows were wound up and the music was blasting as I was listening to a very powerful piece. This was the first time I had ever been the centre of attention from the air and I must admit I didn’t like it at all. However, the feeling must be sort of having been shot at, and missed.

The moral of the story I suppose is that Big Brother is watching when we least expect. We know about the cameras and the radars along the road, and the police who lay in wait, but surveillance from the air is truly something else.

Be aware and ever vigilant. They’re out to get you!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Top Gear

Top Gear

This is a television program that stars Jeremy Clarkson. I mention it in case you are one of the very few people who did not know that. I am at a loss to describe the show from the standpoint of being a critic because I look forward to each episode, even though it really is a very silly show. It’s a show about cars, and Jeremy and his associates do the most outrageous things in them, and with them, and they say the most preposterous things in criticising certain makes of cars, all, it seems with the agreement of the car manufacturers.

The current season aired the last program, and that left the cast very sad. I must confess that I am sad also, not because it was real quality television, but because I liked it even though I am hard put to explain why. However, the one thing about which I am not confused is the fact that my son and I watched the program together, and there are precious few things that a father and his son get to do together these days.

I’m fairly certain that Jeremy Clarkson did not set out to bring fathers and sons together, but it does work, so that’s a good thing. The fact that the last show of the season featured the ultimate petrol-head in the world, Jay Leno, who owns more than 240 cars was a real thrill.

Now, bring on the re-runs.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

A Whole new World of Electric cars

A Whole new World of Electric cars - very exciting!

In my last column I wrote about the phenomenal development of Vislab’s driverless cars that covered 15,000 kilometres driving themselves. Now we need to turn our attention to serious advances in electrically driven cars, and cars that drive on compressed air.

Many columns ago when I was addressing yet another crisis at the pump, I assumed that there were all manner of new developments under wraps somewhere. After all, there are huge investments in the fossil fuel driven industry, and it was my suggestion that there are probably some very good ideas that are collecting dust because their time had not yet come.

Now we are seeing the toll on the atmosphere caused by the damage from burning fossil fuels, and that is bringing forward the need for “new” technology. It’s about time, and I think we are in for some mind-boggling developments.

We already have the hybrid, and in spite of some teething problems the idea is very practical, especially for taxis. A large proportion of their jobs take them within the city, and city driving is perfect for electrical motors. The first big advantage is the reduction of contamination from exhaust fumes. For the driver, it is a cheaper cost to make the trip, and that allows for a greater share of the fare to remain in his pocket.

The thing that excites me is that so many companies are now rolling out their concept cars. If you check the picture gallery on the internet you will find seventy pages, each containing twelve pictures of various designs, some of which are very futuristic. Some of the names I saw were: Toyota, Nissan, Honda, Ford, that may offer three models; Mitsubishi, Chrysler, that may offer a version of its Dodge Ram truck as an electric; Volkswagon, General Motors, and companies called BYD, CODA, THINK, and Fisher Karma.

Many of the models are hybrids that are important for people who do long distance driving. The electric motor will carry you within the city, saving the gas guzzling for
Out of town. But many are pure electric, and they are often designed for parking in very confined spaces. Frankly, it is for this reason alone that I would buy at least a hybrid if the car were small enough to allow me to park downtown.

Another thing that is exciting is that of driving a car that is powered by compressed air. It surprised me that this technology was around even before the internal combustion motor, but is now starting to be given the respect it deserves.

As a pure green machine it does not meet the mark because in order to obtain compressed air the burning of fossil fuels is necessary to produce the electricity. However, while running it produces absolutely no emissions at all, and helps tremendously in the air that we breathe.

So, the good news is that a whole new host of new stuff is coming down the pike and the world of motoring just got a big kick where it matters. Standby to watch the passing parade, and hopefully be a part of the mission to lower the pollution rate of our world.

It’s the only world we have!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Cars that Drive Themselves

Cars Move On

On the occasion of turning fifty I wrote a two-page column that I entitled “The First Fifty years.” That was twenty-one years ago. In that piece I looked back over my fifty years, including warts and all and declared that so far was so good. I was a father and a grandfather, so I was happy. And then, in a flight of pure fancy I stuck my neck out and tried to envisage what life might grow to be like in the next fifty years.

A couple of my political suggestions have come to be fact, and while I tried to be broad based some of my thoughts might turn out to have been a little wild. However, one of my wildest thoughts to do with driving is now actually a fact: the motorcar that drives without a human, along a normal road.

In a spectacular experiment over a three-month period, (but fifteen years in preparation) a group formed between an Italian company called Vislab and the University of Parma, set four driverless Piaggio Porter minivans on a successful path between Italy, through Belgrade, in Eastern Europe, and through Russia and China, to the city of Shanghai on the Eastern shore of China, a journey of some 15,000 kilometres. I am frankly surprised that this feat of engineering has not been met with the same enthusiasm from the media as the Moon Landing, as it signifies a breakthrough of that importance.

What I saw in my vision was a solution to the mayhem that is caused by entrusting the driving to humans. I reasoned the only solution is to have cars drive themselves along pre-planned paths to the supermarket of your choice; or the bank, or to work, etc. I did not envisage that it would be possible to do this over a distance of 15,000 kilometres. I especially did not see that this could be achieved without using one drop of gasoline or diesel. Yes, this was done by using electric cars!

Each minivan was equipped with six laser scanners, seven cameras; GPS, and on-board computers. On their roofs there were installed solar panels for the recharging of batteries, although the panels were not adequate, so a companion generator truck kept batteries topped up.

The first hurdle the team encountered was that almost all countries have written within their laws that it is unlawful to operate a vehicle along the highways without a driver. Now, what do you suppose made lawmakers include that one on the books? Provided that an actual person was sat behind the wheel, permissions were given for the experiment to proceed.

The trip was deliberately designed to test the cars with the extremes of heat and cold, dry and wet, wind and snow, and pedestrians. As with normal driving, there are some conditions that will defeat all moving things, and the robotics didn’t very much like heavy rain and blinding snow. Neither do I, so I can emphasize. However, the director of the project, Alberto Broggi, seems to be very satisfied that the software ran exceptionally well, and the hardware was spot-on. They have identified the weak points and will rollout new versions when they mount the second test in 2012.

This is such an exciting project, the future technological developments arising from it are hard to anticipate. To have had four vehicles drive 15,000kilometres each, that’s 60,000 kilometres without major incident, and without a human controlling the car is mind blowing. The only accident came when a journalist accidentally disabled a function that made the car drive gently into a wall.

The only fine came when a policeman would not believe that the experiment had the official blessing of his government. This was because the cars were in a pedestrian only zone being tested among pedestrian traffic. When he discovered that the vehicles were driving themselves he wanted to write a sanction that was double that of what it might otherwise have been.

See what I mean about how man can pretty much screw up just about everything?

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Nude while Driving

Nude while Driving - No actual pictures available. Pity that!


You have to wonder what people are thinking when they are found operating a vehicle while improperly dressed, or engaged in improper activities. True, amorous couples get up to all sorts of things while in transit. Just ask any taxi driver. Recently a man was found to be committing masturbation while driving through the city of Valencia during the day. I’m sure that was part of a bet.

Lately, the police came across a man who was riding pillion on a bike while completely nude. Judging by his reaction he was under the influence of drink, but that does not excuse his behaviour, it just makes it worse. How drunk does one have to be to strip off all your clothes and go out in public?

At this moment I'm thinking about all those people who do strip off all their clothes and go out in public, completely sober to register some form of protest or another, but that, as "they" say is another story.

The police stopped him and tried to get a straight answer, but he was violent and abusive to the point of being funny. The police played their part in the comedy by asking for his identity. You get no prizes for guessing what he used for his id card.

Sometimes the best comedy is no farther away than your daily paper.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Dangerously Stupid People

Dangerously Stupid People


There are entirely too many dangerously stupid people behind the wheels of cars and trucks on the roads of Spain. I mean people who are not just reckless for the sake of being reckless, but people who are so stupid that they don’t realise that they are so.

I don’t know what nationality these people are but these are some of their driving habits:
- They drive from side roads onto main roads by only stopping when they are far enough out into the road to see whether anything is coming or not. I encountered one of them a short time ago. The man was entering the main road from between two buildings that completely blocked his view. By the time this idiot could actually see half of his car was protruding into the street. We did not have a crash because I was aware of the exit and of the habits of some of these drivers, and only because the other side of the road was free of traffic that allowed me the space to anticipate the thing that happened. Otherwise I would have crashed broadside into the lunatic. He looked at me as though I was invading his space.
- They drive through stop signs as though they do not exist. It seems that they assume that the sign does not pertain to them. However, even worse, I have come to realise that many of the old time Spanish drivers are completely unaware of what the sign means. They never took a theory exam, and stop is not a Spanish word, so they could argue that they do not know its meaning, although they could reasonably guess by the shape of the sign and its position.
- People who park their vehicles on opposite sides of a narrow road next to an exit. They simply have no consideration for anybody as the person exiting the side road cannot see if there is any traffic, and the cross traffic is forced into a single lane, so the set-up is complete for a crash.
- People who drive their vehicles along the autopista while chatting away at less than sixty kph. Sixty is the legal minimum speed, but even that will bring vehicles from behind travelling at 120 kph dangerously quickly upon them. Meanwhile these dopey people are smoking and talking as though they were at home in their living rooms.
- So many people think that just because they are situated in the far left lane it should not be a problem if they want to go off to the right, and proceed to cross over five lanes of traffic without a care in the world. This is the manoeuvre that absolutely takes my breath away and should win first prize in the dumb and dumber sweepstakes.

The only thing that is of any comfort is that they will soon be gone, killed in action. The bad news is that they will likely take someone else with them. We can only hope that the second person will be another Dangerously stupid Person.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Stereos on Wheels

Stereos on Wheels

Who do we hate the most? We hate the guy driving his stereo on wheels as he comes into our space, and he is blasting his sound system, particularly his mega bass. The system cost him many thousands of euros, so he wants to share his sound with everybody he can.

He is grooving on the latest track from his favourite artist and he is absolutely certain that you will appreciate even a short sound bite.

Wrong!

There is not much that beats loud sounds that interrupt our relative peace and quiet to royally piss off most people. Firstly, he is the only one to fully appreciate the full sound. For those of us on the sidewalk we get the bass. We may even get the high notes, and we have to put the rest together in our minds, if we know the song.

One such terrorist from the neighbourhood decided that he wanted all his neighbours in their condos to hear his concert. He waited until evening time when people were having their meal. He opened all the doors of his car, including the boot, and he pumped up the volume that shook people’s plates on the table.

There was much shaking of fists and yelling from the balconies, which he took as “Go man, go!” He couldn’t actually hear what they were saying as the music was blaring. Finally the police were called in and they heard for themselves, and said something like “ Ostraa! That’s bloody loud.” They approached the car and turned the damn thing off and wrote the guy a ticket for deliberately disturbing the peace.

He went to court and was surprised to get a royal ticking off from the judge about respecting the reasonable rights of his neighbours to peace and quiet. He was then given his punishment: a fine of 2,400 euros, and he was advised that the judge had the latitude to vary the fine between 600 euros and 6,000 euros. If he should ever appear before the courts again for a similar offence it would be easy to guess what the fine would be.

Believe it or not, this happened in Valencia, the noise capital of Spain.

Anybody want to buy a secondhand sound system? It’s really good!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

The Devils Own Roads

Danger awaits along The Devils Own Roads

There are a number of roadways that were designed by the devil himself, simply for the purpose of bringing drivers to grief. They exist all over Spain, and probably in other countries as well, but the road authorities will not admit to their existence, because then the public will demand that the problems that they present be corrected.

What a bloody shame that to sue the bastards would be an exercise in futility. Imagine that, to be cavalier as you wish without any real possibility of redress.

I recently wrote about car crashes along straight roads, and I put it down to inattention, but I have found out the hard way that there can be another culprit: there are all those roads that are narrow and that lack a barrier. Vehicles find themselves come to ruin because when two vehicles are passing, it is very likely that if your judgement is just a little bit off and you drift too far to the right you will simply fall off the freaking road.

You cannot have any real idea of where you are, and all it takes is for the front right hand side wheel to slip off the tarmac and in the ditch you go. This happened to my son along a strip of road that claims at least one unlucky vehicle a week, according to the personnel at the nearby service station and the recovery vehicle driver.

The farm owner showed up to survey the latest “damage” to his rusty and ripped fence. He said that the government wants to buy a strip of his garden to widen the road, but he doesn’t want to sell. I suppose the situation will persist until someone is killed, and probably even beyond, as this situation should have been rectified long ago. However, no-one will make the necessary move to make a compulsory purchase.

In reality, these types of road systems are ancient and were made to serve horse and cart traffic, or at best they served Seat 600 toy cars. However, today all manner of traffic can be expected, including the very large buses and trucks. It is just a matter of time before a bus will meet a truck and they will both fall off the road into the ditch.

Such roads as these are best avoided at all costs, even if a long detour is involved. To travel along them may incurr a cost too great to bear.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

The Go-Slo Guardia

Police on the Go-Slo

The only reason this is news worthy is because it involves a de facto strike by part of the nation’s police service, and that can only mean a little bit of a slide towards anarchy. The Guardia have had their salaries cut by 5% as part of Spain’s austerity program. At the same time drivers have been warned that our behaviour on the road is being closely monitored and that we will likely be fined for things that we got away with before. This is because town halls are suffering with cash shortages.

However, the police feel hard done by in the loss of part of their salary. On top of that they are being asked to work harder to bring in money from any source that they can, and they have decided they are not having it.

To see the political head of their department castigating the officers for not writing tickets is a little disturbing, and a little sad. I suppose that as a driver I feel somewhat relieved not to be under such intense vigilance from the standpoint that someone is just waiting for me with his pen poised, but I hope it doesn’t lead to people relaxing their sense of responsibility.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Valencia: Big Brother is Watching!

Valencia: Somebody is watching your every move!

The news this week is that the department for traffic flow in Valencia have completed the setup to monitor traffic over 300 kilometres of roadway in the province on a 24/7 basis. There are now 700 cameras watching our every move. That could be both good and bad. Good from the standpoint that reckless and dangerous driving will be seen in real time and a police car will be sent to rein the offender in. Good also because where there has been a crash, one where it could be his word against yours, the truth can now be backed up by the tape.

This is especially important for those crashes that take place on roundabouts. We are notoriously bad at lane discipline. It is a wonder that there are not more “accidents” due to wrong-lane placements.

You have to wonder what the driver, who is in the extreme left hand lane is thinking when he wants to go to the right. With 50 monitors the live and unrehearsed images are played out around the clock, so very little will escape the attention of Big Brother.

I consider myself a fairly responsible driver, but I do make mistakes, especially with traffic lights. I have seen the red on far too many occasions. It’s not something I do deliberately but a mis-timed approach to the lights that are on orange, with a madman on my tail who thinks we should keep going, and I find myself pushed through the red light.

That is a difficult situation because if I do stop that will probably mean a crash into me. There has to be time enough for me to stop and to control the person behind me. I usually don’t have to worry about the driver if it is a she, but guys are something else.

Now I feel doubly uncomfortable in that the roads administrators are watching me commit such an infraction. I have to remember that as I am going through on red someone on the other side is beginning to move off while his light is still red. This is not a good thing. I must say that this is a very rare thing to happen because I am usually moving at a rate that is calm enough for me to stop, as well as to bring the person behind me to a stop as well. But once in a long while it doesn’t quite work out like that.

Should you believe that a tape of your crash can help, you have to obtain a copy from the Sala de Control de Trafico before it is destroyed in 30 days. Good luck!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Disaster on a straight Road

Don't fall asleep on a long straight Road

I suppose being a trained crash investigator you likely would not be as confused as us laymen when coming upon a crash site. For the general public, it can be very difficult to piece together how something happened. What first appears to be the likely scenario need not be the facts of the matter at all.

For instance, I came upon a scene where there had been a head-on collision on a blind corner. Was it possible that the offending car was taking the corner on the wrong side? I suppose that was possible but it would have been a death wish.

Another road crash happened on a bridge with two-way traffic. It seems that a vehicle, that had been taken away, had side-swiped the right hand side security railing, continued on across the road and slammed into the left railing without involving another vehicle.

How does this happen? It has to involve carelessness. I have seen how some people drive while talking on the phone or talking to a passenger while looking at that person. All it takes is a turn of the head by a very little degree and the hand follows. This happens to the most careful drivers and might involve simply turning the radio or the air-conditioning unit on.

Then there are the super drivers who are indestructible. They whiz in and out of traffic lines, always at speed with the attitude that nothing can harm them. I think I understand this attitude because I have been there and done that. But this type of stupidity is dangerous and probably will cause somebody’s family a lot of grief.

The latest incident that is causing me to scratch my head was a car that I watched being hauled out of the side of the road. The car was a total loss and was completely covered with brown earth. Evidently it had rolled several times grinding up the earth like a farm machine. This happened along a straight stretch of road and within a fairly short distance.

Alice, in her Wonderland would say, “curiouser and curiouser!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

To drive in Paradise

To drive in Paradise and not be distracted by the beauty.

My island home, Bermuda is truly a paradise. When I lived there the idea would occasionally occur to me, but it strikes me full on when I go back to visit, as I now live in Spain. There are many aspects that I could focus on, but for the time being I want to concern myself with driving.

I have worked at most things in my life, if only for short periods of time. One occupation was that of taxi driver. Whenever I picked up a fare from the airport, if the people were first time American visitors the routine went like this: They would pile all their luggage into the car and off we would go. They would have a conversation about how things went through immigration and customs, and the flight down, and the first sighting of the island and the beautiful blue water. Then they would realise that I was driving on the wrong side of the road and there would be silence.

Then, as though this was a question that everybody rehearsed at JFK airport before they left, somebody would ask :” do you drive on the left side of the road here?” Well, I have been doing so for the past five minutes, so that had better be the rule.

The speed limit is 35 kph. These people have come from a country where the limit is 100 kph, so they are expecting me to reach the main highway so that I can put my foot down. Sorry! It doesn’t get any better than what I’m doing at the moment. Most Americans have double beds that are wider than our roads.

So, imagine conditioning yourself to drive at that speed each time you set out to get someplace. For the foreign driver this is a tough discipline, but for locals it’s no big deal because there is so much traffic on the roads that driving faster is not an option. When I left the island, to be overtaken by another car was a common thing, but in eleven years the lines of traffic have filled in to such an extent that overtaking is no longer possible.

Having said that, you will find all manner and types of cars on the road. Size is the only limiting criteria. Most small versions of Mercedes, Audi, BMW, and other top brands are represented, but it seems like such an abomination to own such a performance car and not to be able to get over 35 kph.

The other noteworthy thing is that everyone seems to be driving a new car. When last I looked there was a busy second-hand car market, but these days almost every car is a fairly new model. One great negative about Bermuda is that, as a small island, salt air plays havoc with cars. Rust is public enemy number one. It is really heartbreaking that the motor may be perfect but the frame is rusting away.

Now I have to really stretch your imagination because we have said that it isn’t even possible to drive faster than 35 kph, but nonetheless the island habitually records about 20 deaths per annum. They occur mostly with motorcycle riders, and I believe alcohol is a factor, but not always. Add to that car and truck drivers manage to drive their vehicles into one another (slowly) due to a lack of due care.

This is a profile of life in the driver’s seat in Paradise. When everybody does their part it is a stress free exercise driving along some of the most beautiful roads in the world, but Bermuda is one of those very liquid societies that likes it drink, especially the Dark ‘n Stormy. That may be fine, but not if you have to drive.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Vacation’s End

Vacation’s End - Back to Reality!

A Columnist and Blogger is never completely on vacation. In fact, when such people travel away from home we are in reality collecting more experiences and ideas to write about. I have completed a trip to my native Bermuda and the United States, and that has resulted in a head full of future titles.

One of the first things to occur to me is that I have become a reluctant traveller, especially by airplane. I admit that air travel is still the fastest and safest, but what a complete pain in the ass it is. Even before you get to the aircraft itself there is all that hullabaloo over security. We have to practically get naked before they let you into the secure zone. There is a long list of things that you must abandon at the checkpoint, only to be able to buy them at the duty-free.

Then there are the delays and lost luggage and grossly overpriced items in the airport, and the long waits between flights.

On the flight back to Spain I awoke at 6am in The United States, and we made up six hours as we flew through six time zones, and we landed at Valencia at 7:30 am the following day. Throughout that time I didn’t actually sleep, although I closed my eyes for a few hours. I got off the plane, went directly home and straight into bed. My internal system has been totally screwed up ever since.

However, these are the challenges one must endure to make personal contact with family and friends, and from that point of view it was definitely worth it. Part of the reason for going to Bermuda when I did was to be a part of my family reunion. Perhaps as many as five or six hundred members of my direct and extended family made contact under the very best of circumstances. No-one had to die to bring us together, we just got together to celebrate our being-ness over four days, and that is the best reason of all.

Now I am home and back to the reality of one day at a time. It was a wonderful experience and also one that was a little horrifying at times as the whole included discovery, joy, warmth, work, hurricane, murder and multiple shootings that were too close for comfort.

As I have said, I now have a head full of stories to share, so perhaps you might like to stay tuned.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

How Times have Changed

How Times have Changed for today's Grandfathers

I am a Great Grandfather to Cherrae, the daughter of my Grandson, Ramon. He didn’t warn me that something was coming that was going to knock me off my feet, and by definition would change my status in the world forever, so when it happened it knocked me off my feet. I have not yet met my Great Granddaughter because she lives between Bermuda and America, and I live in Spain, but I will some day.

I recall how mysterious my grandparents were to me. I only got to meet two of them, my grandmother, (my father’s mother) and my mother’s father. They seemed so ancient to me, and I was so totally awed by them that absolute respect was all that I could possibly accord them.

I remember when my Grandmother died. She was lain in repose in her house, a very sombre and dark place, and she was carried off to be buried in a horse-drawn hearse that was black and high off the ground with giant feathers. I was terrified that death was a thing of punishment.

Now, I am the second oldest ranking member of our family and I am the Great Grandfather. When I do get to share some quality time with Cherrae I can only imagine that she will see me as someone who is as old as time itself, although I am the 2010 version of a 71 year old. The story I have to tell her will go something like this:

“Cherrae, how old are you? I’m five years old Great Grandpa. Well, that’s very good because you are just beginning your life. I am 71 years of age, so that means I have lived 66 more years than you. During that time a lot of things have happened that have changed my life, not always for the better, but the one thing that has been constant is change itself.

I know that you are a little young to understand fully what I am telling you, but you will come to understand better as you grow older. When I was your age I lived in a house that had no electricity, no running water, no television, no telephone, no toy computers or real ones either. We children didn’t have game boys or x-boxes to play with, nor could we send sms messages or talk on our mobiles. We didn’t even have Facebook!

The form of family transport that we had was one bicycle. That was for my father to get to and from his work. Everybody else used shank’s pony, which meant that we walked. In our case we had to walk to school along a road that was made with very hard rocks that had been broken by prisoners. During those days if you went to prison once you never went back again when your time was served because you had to work very hard every day. Now the guys, and girls seem to think that going to prison is some kind of paid vacation. In the olden days they didn’t even lock up women.

When I walked to school it was without shoes. No-one, except the rich had shoes. Can you imagine that?

Those were absolutely wonderful days in my life because we lived near the water, and we had tons of open space in which to roam and use our imagination, unlike today when everything is so crowded, and people live in apartments. Even so, people don’t know who their neighbours are.

Eventually things changed and we had better facilities. We moved to another house, and we got electricity, running water and an inside toilet. We got a telephone, but it didn’t do anything unless we called somebody. The big change was when one of the neighbours got a small black and white television. They allowed us, their neighbours to come round to watch it if we sat on the terrace and looked at it through the window. At midnight the station ceased broadcasting by playing the British national anthem, God Save the Queen.

Do any of the tv stations stop broadcasting during the day in the United States where you live?

With our telephone we got a shock one day when we called our Aunt Muriel. She said guess where I am at the moment! We guessed she was in the house answering the phone, but she said that she was answering the phone, but she was outside hanging up clothes at the same time. How could that be? She had installed an extra long wire to her phone. Wow! Now, of course we have mobile phones that allow us to talk to one another while driving our cars. That is not such a good idea, but it can be done.

Perhaps the biggest change to affect the world was when a company called International Business Machines (IBM) introduced a machine for business called a computer. I was encouraged to buy some of the company’s shares when they were very cheap, but I didn’t understand what was going on, so I didn’t buy any. That’s a shame because if I had done so, I most probably would be a trillionaire today, and I could give you a big box full of money.

The computer changed everything about how we lived our lives, and continues to do so today. There are very few things that we do in our lives that are not impacted by the computer. Your own life will have changed so often by the time you become my age. For one thing, when I was born my life expectancy was 47, but I’m now 71, and there is the possibility that I may live to be one hundred. Your life expectancy is 78, but you will probably live to be 130.

I have seen the world change from cars that went very slow to Formula One super fast racing cars. Now we have world racing yachts that zip across the Atlantic, and airplanes that got so big that they are a place unto themselves, and they fly by jets that propel them at fantastic speeds. We live in a world where you never really have to touch money, and information is within a few seconds grasp. In our choices of telephones we have the Blackberry, and something called an iPhone. I won't even go there!

All these things have happened within my life. Hardly anything took place within my parent’s life, so only Heaven can have any idea of what to expect within your life as change keeps coming ever faster.

One of the negative things that have occurred is that technology exists in which a person can always be contactable, whether it’s during meal times, or when you sleep, or are travelling, or worse, when you are on vacation. Mankind was not designed to absorb so much stress. However, if you choose you can unplug everything and feel the stress slip away.

And so, Dear Reader, that’s what I’m going to do for the next month: no internet, no mobile phone, no radio, and no weekly columns. I’m hanging out my “Gone Fishing” sign, and I wish you all a good Summer break.

To be continued in September……..

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Driving Vacations

Driving Vacations: A long way from the office!

We are in that time of year when we vacate our jobs, or at least our habitual activities in favour of a change of pace. If the country in which you live is large and varied, then the tendency is to pile everyone into the car and head off for a place of interest. Everybody has done this at some time, but really, it is a very curious concept, at least for the principal driver.

The usual five-seater car will include father and mother, and the other three could mean various combinations of children and grandparents. Then they all head out onto the motorways of the world where they all become at risk. The idea is to have fun and to enjoy the scenery, and to return home safe and sound.

The hope is that all who venture out will return home without incident, however, all too often it does not work out that way. Assuming that the man does most of the driving while his wife attends to the children, he has to be a very responsible person indeed not to take the odd beer or two along the way. The most amazing thing is that not all who are tasked with such an enormous responsibility are aware of the gravity. The reports start to come in and the body count mounts. It happens every year, so you think the lesson would be crystal clear by now.

My wish and hope is that this year the numbers will be much lower than they were last year, and last year’s statistics were the best they had ever been.

A driving holiday can be an enjoyable way to pass the time, however, for the driver it means more work until arriving at the destination. As long as everyone does their bit to stay safe these types of vacations can be the most interesting because you are close to the details of the country.

So, enjoy, and remember that the most important thing is to return home safe.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Traffic Free Sunday July 11

Traffic Free Sunday July 11-What a Glorious Day!

This is a very easy blog to write, because today is the day for the World Cup Finals between Holland and Spain. I am writing this during the morning. This evening will bring about a new world champion and history will be made.

Today, between the hours of 8pm and 10pm Spain will experience something it has never seen before: there will not be one single vehicle on the roads, anywhere within the country. No buses, trucks, ambulances, police vehicles, cars or motorcycles. The complete country is gripped with World Cup fever. Even people such as myself, who normally pay no attention to football will take the time to be glued in front of the television.

It has been a very interesting World Cup. Starting with the fact that it was held in South Africa, a concept that was a non-starter under the National Party government, the hosting has gone well. Security has apparently not been as much of a problem as was anticipated. The infrastructure was ready on time. That provided much needed work for the populace, and the fear that South Africa could not handle the administration was ill founded.

As one young black South African woman said, things have changed. Now she is proud to say she is South African. Under National Party rule she would have been told that was too bad; but now she can say she is from the proud nation that hosted the 2010 World Cup games.

My only regret is that no African team is part of the final. However, Bafana Bafana, the South African team can hold its head high as having played extremely well. It is fitting that a new nation will be crowned World Champion in a new nation to host the games.

So, let the day roll forward and the traffic come to a complete stop. What a day this will be!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Road Works

Road Works -Cruel and Unusual Punishment

If there is only one thing for motorists to suffer road rage from, it would be road works. When we see that dreaded sign “Men Working” our stomachs turn even just a little, and the thought is uniform: “Oh no!”

If all other industry ceased in the world there would still be road works. If there is a road, someone will think of something that just has to be done that requires digging it up and squeezing traffic into one small lane.

What is driving me to think about this is that in our little town they have torn up most of our road surfaces that were in a bad state of repair, and to the joy of the residents they have put down these smooth black ribbons of new surface for us to cruise effortlessly along on. However, to our dismay, within a day or two another set of men appeared to dig it up again. Granted, they didn’t dig up the whole thing, but they are busy making holes here and there. Townspeople look on with wrinkled brows muttering “¿Que Haces?”

Just when we thought it was safe to relax. Just when we thought we were finally getting some much needed attention from the local Valencian government, they give to us and they taketh it away.

I only hope that they put that all-important top sealer on, otherwise, the pot-holes will soon be upon us. I know that road works are essential. I hate it when the work is done, and I hate it when it is not done.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

A Wholly Avoidable Tragedy

This did not have to happen!

The night of June 23rd , and on into the morning of June 24th is considered the festival of San Juan, the shortest night of the Summer. Custom demands that all roads lead to the beach from early evening until daybreak. Fires are lit in dugout sand pits, dinner is consumed with lots of alcohol, and a curious ritual is engaged in by jumping over the fires barefoot. At midnight, for good luck everyone goes into the water up the their knees to jump over the first seven waves.

In a word, it’s a time of enjoyment, bonhomie, and goodwill, and generally is marked by an absence of anyone getting hurt. Notwithstanding the fact that part of the leftovers are hot coals smouldering in the sand waiting for bare feet, the clean up is very efficient, so not even that is supposed to end in any kind of medical emergency.

This year was different. A massive tragedy took place, and it was not even supposed to have been possible. A large group of celebrants took the local train to a station alongside the beach in Castellon, got off the train and then did something that common sense says never to do. They needed to cross over to the other side of the tracks, and so they went in front of the train and started to make the crossing.

Someone must have led the way, probably stating out loud with great bravado “come on, we can go this way.” However, given the danger, there is an underground pass built for pedestrian crossing. It means that a person has to go down the steps, and then up again. What a lot of bother for the partygoers. Better to just cross over the tracks even though to step out in front of the stopped train meant doing so blindly.

I imagine that as a large group they felt the power of their numbers to keep the train at a standstill, but they didn’t reckon on the fast through train that they didn’t even see coming. It mowed down everyone in its path, instantly killing 12 people and injuring another 15. The pain and suffering being endured by the families left behind is quite enough without being added to by criticism of the actions of the deceased and injured. It is plain for all to see how this disaster could, and should have been avoided.

What’s done is done, and the only thing of any positive aspect now is to learn the lesson that has so painfully been laid out before us. The taking of reckless risks is always something to be avoided, and all too frequently ends in tears.

For this reason we should always hold the night of San Juan as a reminder to be careful and vigilant in our daily lives. At least that would give some meaning to an event that otherwise would be a complete and utter folly.

Needless to say, the person whose idea it was to cross the tracks most probably survived to look back on the result of his recklessness. I wonder how he is feeling today.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Now for the truth

When road signs are as clear as the one on the right!

STOP! is not a Spanish word.

What’s the first thing that comes out of our mouths when someone runs a stop sign? Can’t you read?

I have been amazed to have seen many elderly drivers cruise through stop signs as though they just aren’t there. Some of these people were driving top of the line cars, and I gave them credit for being more responsible. If for no other reason they were driving cars that you would normally take care of.

I had not been in the country for long before I saw my first broadside crash. All the people were badly shaken up, so it was no light matter. Eventually it would be my turn to narrowly escape being crashed into, but only because I could hear the car nearing the main road that I was on and it didn’t sound as though it was going to stop; so I did. We ended up with only centimetres to spare between us.

Next, I observed a van driving at about 40 to 50 kph broadside a family car driven by a mother taking her daughter to school. The mother thought she was on a main street with the right of way, but in effect she was driving along an area where the vehicle on her right, (the van ) had the right of way, simply because it was on her right. Two times I have been a witness to such collisions, and once almost a participant, and I can tell you that it is a traumatising experience.

I can’t say absolutely that the greater percentage of such accidents will involve the fault of a Spanish driver. Other non-English speaking drivers could just as well be to blame. If it is so, I think that might just be the luck of the draw. What I have been discovering is that many of the older Spanish drivers have never taken any kind of test, and they have no idea about these (new) international road signs. Consequently, there is a whole army of drivers who go about their daily lives driving vans, cars, trucks and tractors totally oblivious of what those red and white signs are demanding that they do. They should recognize red stoplights, but that is another story.

I can’t speak for you, of course, but that puts the fear of God in me. Especially when we couple that with men who are driving very large trucks without a license, and I have to question whether I really want to go out onto the road.

I have been driving in Spain for eleven years and I have been involved in two accidents where people ran into the back of me. Otherwise, I have lost count of the number of crashes I have avoided by exercising a very high level of due care. With this added knowledge I will have to be even more careful.

What about you?

Copyright (c) 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Spain, Sweet Spain!

Spain, Sweet Spain!

We have had a gathering storm in Spain as the government has seen its reserves depleted. One response was to press the police into going after the softest target of all, the motorist, as a source of funds to pay salaries, etc. I have long complained about the act of bringing into disrepute the officer of the law by insisting that he act as a revenue officer, rather than the enforcer of the law.

Suddenly we found ourselves under strict inspection by large groups of police who seemed to be intent on fining us for any infringement at all, even down to the state of our tyres. I agree that it is important to drive on tyres that are in good condition, but I had never heard of police checks to inspect the tyres. Fines were threatened of up to 200 euros for each deficient tyre, so things could get very serious.

In days of old it was the highwaymen who stopped the passersby and demanded: “Who goes there? Hand over your purse!” Now, city hall has the police doing that. It was all being driven by the fact that we are in financial crisis, and that has led the government to look for ways to reduce spending. That makes sense, of course, so the government decided to cut the salaries of public workers and parliamentarians. Seems they forgot that the police are public workers too, and they are not pleased to have their salaries cut by 5%.

Drivers are somewhat amazed to be stopped by the police and informed of their offence and told what the fine is, then told to continue on their way without having to pay the fine. Apparently one senior officer said that some days they have not actually fined anyone. The situation looks to get worse. Naturally, that just suits the public, but we will soon slide into anarchy, and then it won’t seem so fine.

Meanwhile, Formula 1 rolls on, regardless of everyone’s financial worries, and in spite of the World Cup Soccer competition that will have a lot of Formula 1 spectators glued to their televisions watching football. Some admission tickets will sell at 2,800 euros each for the VIP Paddock Club section in the Valencia street circuit. Who is still making that kind of money that they can splash out on such extravagance? It must be nice work if you can get it.

If all you want to do is watch cars that are driven too fast, stand alongside the side of the A-7 any day of the week and catch the show.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

New Valencian Traffic Laws

More New Valencian Traffic Laws

I’m certain that the Valencian government’s strategy is to keep us confused by ever changing rules and laws, and to fine us when we are out of step or just plain all mixed up. I hate to use this example, but in days of yore it was the highway man who cried out “halt! Give me your money and your valuables.” These days the police are the ones who are undertaking this activity: To make maters worse the likely fine to be suffered has risen to a minimum of 100 euros for minor offences, and to 200 euros for more serious breaches. If you commit a very serious offence indeed the minimum fine will be 500 euros.

When we add all that bad news to the increase in the iva tax, and the reduction is wages for many workers, or no wages for many, many more people the stage is set to make people very angry indeed. That may be why someone has prevailed and added that when a driver is fined he can receive a discount of 50% if he pays the fine within 20 days.

Make no mistake about it, the crisis is hitting City Hall very hard. Lately the Guardia presence on the street is amazing. I didn’t realise there were so many officers in the force, and they are taking very close note to our driving habits. Things that have simply been allowed to pass in the pass are now receiving close examination, such as the maximum speed for coming off the autovia or autopista, and the maximum speeds when passing through road works areas.

If you ride a pedal cycle at night without a front light you will be fined. If you park in a blue zone parking area with a ticket that has not run out of time your car will be towed away. At the impound centre you will have to pay the towing charge, and as was my experience, I was also charged the parking fine, only to receive a ticket for the fine again. Because I could not find my receipt I had to pay the fine again. How likely was that to have been a coincidence?

The Minister for the Interior assures us that the government does not fine people for pleasure. I believe him. A traffic fine is supposed to be like the tuition charge to learn a lesson that you will not wish to repeat. It’s all part of the safety process, and we are learning something about driving, judging by the falling death toll. In 2009 1,897 people lost their live unnecessarily. In some year gone by the toll was over 7,000, so you could say that things are getting better. However, the nitpicking that is going on seems to have more to do with bring in revenue from the motoring public, always a soft target, than to do with real police work.

If you do not wish to cooperate than you can drive as though the car behind you or in front of you is an unmarked police car. You can expect to find them parked around the next bend, over the crest of the next hill, and the radar is always pointed at you. They are in the sky, and they are watching us via their cameras. Be good!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Believe it or Not!

Believe it or Not-Souped up Wheelchairs


Some drivers recently got the shock of their lives when an elderly, one-armed, no-legged man in a wheelchair overtook them on the main carriageway in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil on the 28th May, 2010. His actual speed was not known but estimates put it at more than 80 kph. The man had taken the idea of an electric powered wheelchair and substituted a gasoline-powered motor on to it, and had souped that up so that it would propel him along at very fast speeds. He had made it a three-wheeler with handlebars to control the direction and bicycle-type brakes. The acceleration was provided by the same type of mechanism as a motorcycle.

He was stopped and charged by police for driving a motorized vehicle of an unknown type without permission. He said that he only wanted to try out his new invention.

This is what can happen when you are badly disabled and confined to your wheelchair all hours of the day. You become bored out of your mind and sometimes you might be tempted to engage in suicidal activities.

I tried to look up this particular man’s adventures on line, and to my absolute amazement I found that he is not the only person to tinker with his wheelchair. A guy named Jeff has got his electric chair to get up to 30 mph. He was giving a demonstration on the very quiet street where he lived in the suburbs, but didn’t stop at the stop sign.

On December 4, 2007, a 54 year-old man was fined $618 for violating the speed limit twice in his wheelchair by travelling at 41 mph. Police confiscated his wheelchair.

In Brighton, England, on April 4, 1952 a man was fined for speeding at 41 mph. His fine was One Pound. The police said that they had been getting too many complaints about speeding invalid chairs. After all, the speed limit in those days for wheelchairs was 20mph. That's right. Twenty miles per hour!

England actually has laws on its books to cover such transport. Wheelchairs are Class III vehicles, and the speed limit these days for them on public highways is 8 mph, and 4 mph on footpaths.

It should not come as a surprise to learn that wheelchairs are adapted to meet all sorts of challenges for the handicapped. In the USA the Federal Drug and Administration have approved wheelchairs that can traverse steps, both up and down, and even to lift the occupant into a standing position. The machine is called the iBot and costs about $30,000.

Then there are those people with spirit who, upon finding themselves sentenced to a life in a wheelchair, find the courage to have a life as normal as possible. Such people might be veterans of war, who could spend their days feeling sorry for themselves, but instead take on the challenge with gusto.

We see them engaging in very rough contact sports, such as basketball where they wheel around the court and slam into one another; or they engage in straight races. They drive their specially adapted cars, and they shop on their own, and they keep house and maintain personal relationships.

I will not say that I salute such people because I cannot say that there is a right way or a wrong way to deal with one’s own disability. To each his own; however, if it works for you then all well and good.

There is one class of mobility wheelchair user who needs to be mentioned, and that is the person who has a very heavy chip on their shoulder. They are likely to slam into pedestrians standing in their way, inflicting serious pain upon the ankles of the unwary with the footplates, in a fit of jealously because the pedestrian has two good legs and feet and didn’t get out of the way.

There is no pain and suffering that you can put such a person through that could possibly be worse than what they are already suffering. If there is such a person anywhere in your proximity be sure to give them a very wide berth, keep a close eye on them and give them a lot of respect, and love, if you can.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

Being Different

Being Different --Driving on the Left

Within Europe, Britain is the odd man out. And that country is doggedly determined to remain an island unto itself. Particularly in two areas its difference with the Continent is extreme. Driving on the left presents an unnecessarily dangerous difference, and Britain drags its colonies or former colonies into the same situation. People lose their lives over the confusion this creates, but the authorities seem to have their heads up their collective Asses over this.

The other thing is the fact that Britain retains the Pound as its currency while all of Europe uses the single currency Euro. When the Euro was launched I heard a story that Britain decided against joining in the move as it expected that the euro would collapse in the fullness of time. That may yet turn out to be the truth. But getting back to this business of driving on the left, while almost the entire rest of the world drives on the right it something that simply must be addressed.

Taking a stiff upper lip while insisting, “We British are Different” is simply not good enough, especially when some British drivers go to America or come to the Continent and drive straight into oncoming traffic.

Is it even possible to change at this point in time? I suggest that it is, as it has been done elsewhere. I grant that for some time British drivers would have to be tremendously careful. Also, the legacy of right-hand drive vehicles would take a long time to phase out, especially given the fact that many British owners keep their cars forever.

What a shame things were not uniformed at the start. To have the situation having carried on until the mess we are in today is a great shame. However, I do not really expect to see such a change. It was enough of a challenge to get the British to change over weights and measures. That is still not complete; as is the fact that here in Spain we are still pricing things in Pesetas.

We humans are such creatures of habit!

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael

The Masturbator

Where is his other Hand?

I agree that this is a shocking title for a column, but it is justified. A man was discovered to be masturbating while driving his van around Valencia city during daylight hours. Well, now we know what to credit driving customs to in Valencia, and probably throughout all of Spain.We are not surprised because it seems that we (men) are all a bunch of wankers at the wheel.

I feel like being funny about this, or at least sarcastic, because driving skills and attention to safety on our roads are in short supply. It’s true to say that conditions have been improving a great deal, especially judging by the falling death rates. That is reason for pride, but the idiots are still with us. There is no lane discipline; most people seem to think that signalling is illegal, and very few people seem to have a clear idea of what they are doing on roundabouts.

Add to all of that is the fact that so many people insist on driving while drunk. There is also the cowboys who think nothing of cutting off three or more lines of traffic to go off to the right or left, or they overtake the cars in front only to exit the highway having caused everyone to brake.

So it should not be much of a surprise that one of the wankers has been booked for driving while failing to pay due care and attention.

However, it would be hypocritical of the public at large to laugh at this dopey guy from a sense of superiority, as though we would never do anything like that. The fact is that as young drivers we have got up to all sorts of things while driving. We also got up to even more things while parked. That’s all a part of our love affair with (and in) our cars. However, it’s a very poor sap who gets caught playing with himself while driving through the city during daylight hours.

I can only assume that there was a bet in place. Nobody would be that stupid without money involved.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael